Mental Health Thread • Page 344

Cats (and pets in general) can provide so much comfort, which is obviously very valuable given the state of our country.

My avatar is a photo of my cat, Toonces, who I’m especially bonded to. He’s pretty much my constant companion whenever I’m home. He’s the sweetest and he gives the purest kind of unconditional love.

 

Fuck, I am so tired. Does anyone have any advice on anti-depressants, namely SSRIs? I go to therapy weekly but I still spiral into a deep depression at least once a month for a few days with no real rhythm or ability to know when it’s coming, so my therapist recommended getting some meds.

Unfortunately I’m having trouble finding an in-network doctor that is available any sooner than 6 months from now. I found one but he has awful reviews according to Google.

I know I need something ‘cause I seem to sink lower and lower every time, but I cannot wait 6 months for help. Do I try this available doctor and hope for the best?

 

SSRI’s can be really helpful. They can take a few weeks to kick in, and you may have to try a couple different ones to find what works for you.

As far as a psychiatrist, your insurance company probably has a list of all local in-network providers. If that’s what you’ve already been using, I’d probably say just try out the guy with bad reviews. People are more likely to feel moved to review a doctor who they had a bad experience with than a good experience, so he might not be so bad. 6 months is a long time to wait.

 

I want to change therapists because I feel like she isn’t helping. I feel bad telling her though. I’ve seen her for two years (I think). I mainly go because I need to once per month to keep staying at my place.

 

I am completely traumatized from my last relationship that it still effects me. I don’t want to get in too much detail publicly. I don’t even know how little detail I can say while feeling safe. I still get dreams. I can’t explain these dreams but they’re related. They don’t make me feel good. It makes me feel terrible. If none of this shit that’s been happening to me over the last 6 months has happened I wouldn’t be having these dreams. I wish I had someone I can talk to about it. I have no one. I’m afraid for the future. If I ever meet someone I’m afraid they won’t be patient, that they’ll get tired and leave.

 

Been pretty down lately. This morning, I picked up my bass, retuned it, and played Blitzkrieg Bop. It felt good to just play and hear those notes.

 

I have been separated from my former partner for nearly a year and still have dreams about them. You aren’t alone. ❤️

 

I dunno if this will help at all but I've been dealing with similar feelings and fears for about 3 years now, and I too struggle with the fear that the next person I get involved with either just get tired and leave or that they'll be even more abusive than my ex was. The thought of even being in a relationship terrifies me because of that. I won't claim to understand everything about your situation but I definitely empathize as someone who has also been slowly trying to deal with all of the trauma I've been put through

 

I’ve been seeing my current therapist for almost 3 years and am transitioning to a former therapist I used in 2016. I totally relate to the feeling bad part of things, and I think that’s why I stuck with her for so long after the treatment stopped being effective. I really like her as a person and I haven’t been as committed to the therapy in terms of canceling or being late for appointments, especially since we switched to telehealth for the pandemic. But I’m not getting anything from it anymore, so finally I had the make that decision to go back to a therapist who I know I made a lot of progress with. But only wasn’t seeing because he’s out-of-network and orders of magnitude more expensive.

So I’d encourage you to switch to a therapist who works for you. Your current therapist won’t be upset, patients discontinue all the time. You don’t even need to provide specific reasons.

 

The worst part is my ex never even liked me and just used me. I was lied to the entire relationship. Plus it’s nearly impossible to find someone who doesn’t smoke, do drugs, not a big drinker or doesn’t drink, and doesn’t want kids, and who isn’t super religious. That’s the minimum I ask for and can’t even find that

 

5 Ways Stop Self-Hate and Enjoy Life and Relationships

 

I started twitching again. I haven’t done this since high school. I need to see the neurologist again. Ugh.

 

I'm 36. I started therapy last week.

It's never too late to ask for help.

 

Started at 36 too.

 

I feel like I’m just too untrusting of people to do one on one with a therapist, it why I never get far with it. I did do group therapy once and I really liked it, it felt better to discuss my problems with people and discuss their problems with them.

 

Yeah I think for some individual works better, for some group, and for some a combo of both. I think individual therapy can be really great if you find the right therapist who meets your needs. The therapist I just switched from was super compassionate, but wasn’t directive enough for me. So I just switched to a therapist who is making a treatment plan, working with me on goal-setting, assigning “homework” week-to-week, and holding me accountable (but not in a judgmental way). That approach works better for me but my previous therapist’s approach would work better for others. So a lot of it is fit.

 

Does anyone else feel like they’re addicted to their phone? Like it’s not the root problem of my avoidance but it certainly enables it. I’ve been trying to put it in a different room when I have something to do but it’s almost like it’s calling to me lol. It would really benefit me to get it under control I think

 

This is definitely a must, and a big reason why I will always try to find more info about a potential therapist/doctor. I've found therapists and done searches on them, only to find out that they're beliefs (personal and political) could possibly affect their treatment for me. I don't want to get political, but if I search you online and see you liking, retweeting, or following a bunch of racists and people with incredibly questionable beliefs, that's a no for me.

 

This is the main thrust for me for therapy. Being at home, this has become my main lifeline for the outside world. And for the last four years, every morning I would wake up, doomscroll and feel awful about the world and how I was leaving this place as a hellhole for my kids. It was absolutely overwhelming to think about the endless ways we're destroying the country, society and the planet and not have a way to fix it.

My therapist has been pointed (not mean, but direct) in asking me what I can do to fix the issues that hurt my mind the most. I list the tangible steps we've taken (moving to green energy, not investing in bad companies, promoting individual, independent run businesses like this place, Defector, the Discourse, etc.) and he's helped me realize I'm doing what I can, in my individual circle, to impact positive change. Unless more people do that, it may not be enough. But I cannot beat myself up for other people's choices - I can do what is in my power to influence those who hold authority to be better. But I live in MN where we've basically got a wet dream government at the national level and I like our governor. I love living here. So if I can't fix those, what can I do?

He said "put down the fucking phone and find the joy of your focus."

I asked him what he meant by the joy. He said I mention my kids as sources of pride or love or general happiness more than anything and he can already tell after only a handful of sessions they're the main thing that matters in my life (which is true). But by starting my day tracking all my energy into these portals of hell, I set myself up for failure as a person, a partner and a father by just wallowing in the negative. And again, these are things I cannot control! I can be mad about them, but I can't literally make MAGA folks disappear like Infinity War with a snap, or solve the climate crisis before breakfast. I CAN NOT. No one can. It's foolish to think that unless I (and I alone) can fix all these problems completely, eternally, I'm going to be miserable that they exist.

So instead of looking at my phone now to start the day, I go into my kids bedrooms, give them a kiss on their forehead and tell them I love them. Half the time they don't even wake up. But I go downstairs feeling better about the world, and it affects my whole day and how I'm looking at life. Because ultimately, a WaPo headline that I can't change isn't something I can control outside these four walls. But I can control A LOT within them.

Today, I didn't even pick up my phone until 11:30. Tomorrow, I'm gonna try to make it until after lunch. It's never gonna be perfect. And I have the luxury of not needing to look at a phone all day for work either. But it's helping me a ton so far.

All this to say your phone is doing you more harm than good. Find the joy that you can see, taste, touch. Breathe in the things within your grasp and purge the bullshit. It's going to be really hard. But it's going to be worth it.

You've got this.

 

Yeah, and I think that’s even more important to me now with all the upsetting stuff going on in the world. Sometimes I want to vent about that in therapy, so at the bare minimum my therapist needs to see where I’m coming from. Sometimes it can take a while to find a therapist that works for you, which can be daunting if you’re experiencing major mental health issues. I’m not sure what the solution to that is.

I definitely relate to a lot of what you described with the doom scrolling. I haven’t been doing that as much lately, but more so using it as a distraction from my mental health - the rumination, the negative thoughts, etc. But it has turned into an unhealthy coping mechanism that ultimately makes me feel worse about myself because of all the wasted time. Sometimes I look back at my day and I can’t even point to anything I accomplished. Thanks for your encouragement. At least I’m acknowledging the problem now and starting the process of addressing it.

 

Yeah there was someone I was going to try out because he was within walking distance, then I went on his facebook page and he was constantly touting these conspiracy theories and was a huge supporter of the former president.

 

I’m with you on this. For me I think the biggest thing is not really having anywhere else to go to read or play guitar or something so I end up just staring at my phone. I’m not even doing anything productive on it as I have a tendency to avoid texts because I don’t feel like I have anything interesting to say and then they pile up and I feel bad for not responding which leads me to be even more avoidant. It’s especially hard when every single day is the same. Get up, work/doom scroll, cook, watch the Celtics, sleep. Rather than putting the phone away for a while and trying to learn a new song by ear I just look up tabs, play for a minute, and go back to scrolling. I’m not really sure what the solution is but I definitely need to look at my phone less.

 

Yeah sometimes not having as much free time is a blessing in disguise. There are apps that limit your screen time but I think there are workarounds for all of them. I also have the problem of looking at it before bed and then I get engrossed in something and don’t go to bed on time.

But on a positive note, I just submitted my job application, and it’s such a relief to have that off my chest. I’m trying to give myself credit for getting it done which is something I always struggle with.

I also sent my therapist a list of all the negative/distorted thoughts I was having about the app, because he wants to work on them moving forward.

 

Not sure how to put this in words but I have a fear of dating. Briefly started chatting with a guy on tinder and he seems to put in the effort to ask some questions, but I’m not really feeling a vibe if that makes sense. Also I only chatting for a couple of days not even that long and he already wants to meet. Most people probably wouldn’t see this as an issue but I have major trust issues and don’t want to waste my time. The trauma from my previous relationship really fucked with me. If I’m not feeling a vibe then i don’t want to meet someone right away. I like to give it time

 

Obviously up to you, and I don’t know enough about this specific situation to say, but I will say that I’ve found sometimes it’s hard to gauge chemistry through messages. And other times chemistry seems really good when messaging, and then isn’t there when you meet.

On my first date with my ex, who I ended up dating for 7 years, we’d had great conversations by text beforehand, but it was really awkward in person. The second date was the same way. But on the third date something clicked, and even though things didn’t work out in the end, she’s the person I’ve felt most connected to in my whole life.

So it’s definitely on a case-by-case basis, but I’d just say in general sometimes it can be good to give things a shot