Mental Health Thread • Page 338

I just go with it. For the longest time I hardly ate anything, just bare minimum to get by (typically pretzels and hummus). You're going through a lot of feelings. Let yourself feel sorry. Let yourself know this pain in temporary. The eating will slowly make its comeback.

 

Thanks, I appreciate your insight. My therapist was encouraging me to eat hummus as well. I didn’t eat much earlier on in the day but I did eat a decent amount for dinner. I got spooked because I lost about 5 pounds in less than 48 hours

 

My depression fluctuates from bad to worse. Right now it’s at worse. I’m having a hard time getting by. Not having anyone to talk to really sucks. No one is actually there for you when they say they are. I’m just tired of being depressed. Been dealing with this for over 15 years. I’ve waited this long for things to “get better” and they haven’t. Not even close. And they aren’t going to.

 

I get it. I feel the same way. Bad days and slightly better days, no good days.

I’ve been dealing it for over 6 and it really feels like there’s no end in sight. I’m trying different combinations of meds but nothing is working. It’s hard not to feel hopeless.

 

Even though I don’t live at home and I’m glad because it’s toxic and I’m also old enough and need my space, my dad doesn’t hesitate to treat me like a fucking child and humiliate me. He got mad when he found out I don’t have medical insurance. I was denied even though I’m low income and he told me to call and find out. Pretty much I was denied because I made “too little”. Like fucking stop. Then he told me to ask my work. And if they didn’t offer it to quit my job and find one that will give me insurance. And he’ll keep asking me about it. Honestly I just don’t want it right now and taking the risk. You don’t realize what that does to my mind. The only job I can get that will give me insurance is one I hate and min wage. That caused so much more mental health problems when I did do it. I was never able to find a high paying job so I changed careers. Now he’s trying to force me to get the flu shot and getting mad when I said no. Basically threatened to “drag me down there and make me”. I told him he can’t force me and I’m not doing it. I don’t know what to do. I’m not getting it but he’s getting mad and said it’s a “must”. Acts like I’ll either get that or a bad case of covid. I’ve never gotten the flu shot and have been fine all these past “deadlier than the last” seasons. Not against vaccines but I don’t do the flu shot. It’s some random strain and not guaranteed to help. It’s just really embarrassing that I still get treated this way. It makes me want to self harm. I don’t know anyone my age that continues to get treated like a fucking child.

 

I got my first paycheck yesterday. I opened it in my car after work and just sat there and cried. Less than half of what I made at my old job. I don’t know if it’ll even be enough to cover my bills. Also all but 1 of my coworkers are huge Trump supporters. They constantly talk about how Covid isn’t real. One of them never wears her mask properly and she kept saying she has a doctor note saying she doesn’t have to. So I finally asked why she had a dr note and it’s from a fucking chiropractor!!! I just dread going to work every morning and really hope I can find something else soon bc I can’t live on this pay.

 

I’m at a really low point. I just can’t process everything going on in my so called life right now. I want to not wake up. Most of my life I wanted to not wake up. I don’t see my life going anywhere. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m tired of having no one to talk to. The thought of dating again makes me terrified. After finding out my only serious relationship was a lie and my ex saying bunch of nasty things to me, I don’t know if I can ever be ok again. His mean words keep replaying in my head. I don’t think I can ever open up to someone about my trauma. I’m glad I never opened up to him. Plus he had said things that didn’t make me ready or comfortable to talk about my trauma. I knew he’d never be understanding. I’m afraid I’ll never find someone understanding. I’m stuck in a toxic hell hole. I want to meet someone to help pull me out. The fact that I still get treated like a mf child makes me want to scream and harm myself. Every time I’m at my lowest I have no one. Why do I have to suffer like this. I consider myself agnostic but I feel I’m definitely being punished! I don’t deserve this.

 

Mondays are honestly so overwhelming I like cannot handle it. Trying to return all the missed phone calls from clients and put out all the fires from the weekend is just a lot.

 

Just found out my fiancé cheated on me. Not doing well at all and feel so alone.


Edit: oh yea it was also with one of my best friends.

 

Just started on Zyprexa a couple nights ago. My psychiatrist said it works quickly, but I think I already am noticing an improvement? Which hasn’t happened for the last umpteen meds I’ve tried. Granted, I did do a lot of fun stuff with friends/family this weekend. But I think it’s more than that.

It’s 100% increasing my appetite, which I was struggling with. So that’s good too

 

Finding out my ex lied to me about EVERYTHING hurts. I knew he lied, but to actually have it confirmed. I can’t trust ever again. I’m so far traumatized beyond words. Sad I didn’t see how mentally abusive he was.

 

not doing too well after yet another relapse (third this year but who's counting) but at least im clean and on the right path

 

You got this homie. You're on one of the most difficult journeys there is. It's easy to step off of the path, but think of how far you've come.

 

I truly don't believe all of us were meant to have happy/successful lives. No matter how hard you try, things just never seem to get better.

 

This is me

 

So this new med, Zyprexa, has been hard to adjust to. Definitely happy it’s increased my appetite but I’m fluctuating between periods of high energy, almost restlessness, followed by periods of exhaustion. Not much in between. I’m worried it’s making me manic, which isn’t really something I’ve experienced before. But my psychiatrist says to give it a little longer. Maybe it will stabilize.

 

It’s very difficult not having anyone to talk to. I’m such a mess again it’s affecting my work. I don’t see myself every being happy. I have came to the realization that my ex was mentally and verbally abusive, a gaslighter (from what someone told me), really big liar etc. I honestly should have seen that coming. He lied about a tiny stupid thing on his dating profile and I feel like if you’d lie about that you can lie about anything. And that’s what he did. Played with my heart and feelings for 2 years. I’m more humiliated than ever. I keep thinking back how he claimed he understood mental health and that is so far from true. I wish I can send all the stuff he said to me to his mom. I was doing OK. Just OK. I’m back to a mess. My cat is the only thing that keeps me going. Without him I don’t think I’d be here

 

This did make me think. Out of all the people in the world, we def can't all be happy like... Statistically speaking, right? Which is depressing to think about

 

Yeah it just doesn't seem possible for everyone to be happy at once.

Things like world peace and overall happiness for every human being, to me, is impossible.

 

I’m a complete mess and idk how to get past this. Finding out my ex lied to me literally about EVERYTHING. Literally everything that came out of his mouth was a fucking lie. Over time after we broke up I realized I had been lied to, but not to this extent. I keep finding out more lies. I don’t know how to handle this. He is the worst most horrible person I have ever met. I’m so far beyond damaged than i previously was.

For a moment, I was doing ok. I was. Just OK. Broken but OK. I Until I found all this out. I’m worse than I previously was.

 

My dad made the news for things that aren't exactly legal.
Clifton Park psychiatrist admits to federal drug charges against him

I kind of wish I felt something, anything about it, but I feel pretty much nothing. It's just confirmation of what I already knew.

I do feel disappointment because I used to really look up to him, but now I just don't. And I will always be pretty fucking angry about the fact that all of my siblings except for one completely threw away whatever relationship we had because I didn't side with my dad when it's pretty clear that he was up to no good.

 

When like the older generation gets on me for not being adult enough and not having the motivation to cook homemade meals and stuff I just wanna snap back like... It honestly takes all my mental fortitude just to like not want to die all the time let alone be betty crocker okay???

 

It’s 1pm and I’ve cried on a Zoom call with my boss and on a phone call with my mentor/former boss. So I’m doing good. Lol.

 

i can’t see myself making it through all this trauma alive