Mental Health Thread • Page 337

moving out tomorrow. thank fucking god.

 

I’ve become really avoidant lately and I really need to work on getting better about responding to texts. I just don’t have the energy at the end of the day or can’t think of anything to say so I tell myself I’ll respond later but of course that doesn’t happen. I’m worried about pushing people away unintentionally, I really wish I didn’t have such a hard time with this. I got the contact info for a therapist who is taking on new patients but I’m so anxious about what to say when reaching out that I just haven’t.

 

Finally emailed the therapist, hopefully she can see me soon. I’m ok but I’m fucking tired. It’ll be good to finally start working through shit.

 

Welp I officially lost my job. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I've been with this company for almost 10 years. It's the only job I've had since I graduated high school. I'm a medical transcriptionist and it's basically becoming obsolete so I knew if anything happened with this company, I'd be SOL probably and I am. All the companies hiring for this job are awful. You might make $10 an hour (shitty already) but then you are an independent contractor on top of it so you are responsible for all taxes, get no healthcare, no PTO, no benefits of any kind so it's just not worth it. So I have to completely start over with a new career. I didn't go to college. I have no skills whatsoever. Like I was trying to find another job previously and I applied seriously everywhere and only got a single interview and didn't get the job. I live alone so all the bills are on me. My mom is very generously giving me the bonus she just got and I have some in savings but ugh. I'm going to try to file for unemployment but I'm just so upset and scared.

 

^ Ohh so sorry to hear that @Jams ! Hope you land on your feet!

I forgot I commented in here this week. Well, as quick as my mood goes down, it can come back up. Last night was like the best night of my life. The person I was afraid I scared actually asked me if I was ok...and this isn't a person who just talks to anybody...i mean, they talk to anybody, but not EVERY thing gets replied to or even read. So, it was quite the pleasant surprise that I was noticed when I wasn't even particularly addressing them!

Anyway, things are back to normal 2020 shit, but I still really can't complain. Sorry for anyone here who's really struggling.

 

That is really shitty. Have you ever thought about Medical Coding? There will be some upfront costs for certification/training, but your background seems like a good fit. I think you only need a high school diploma too. Stay strong and wishing you the best

 

I’m not sure what you’re willing to do for work, but there’s a nationwide Certified Nursing Assistant shortage..it’s tough work but great experience. I start my new CNAs between 14-17hr and I send them to get their certification. Just something to think about. Sorry you’re in this position.

 

Thanks for the ideas! I think sticking in the medical field will probably be my best bet. I'm in a rural area so there aren't a lot of jobs but we do have 2 hospitals about 20 minutes from me and also a lot of other healthcare facilities close by. My sister-in-law is going to try and get me a job as a cashier at the grocery store she works at which would be great to have steady income coming in (and they offer health insurance!!) I did see there's a local technical school that offers medical billing/coding classes. I don't have enough saved up for it yet, but if I can get a job first I could keep saving up for it. When I took transcription classes, I almost did billing/coding instead but went with transcription bc it was cheaper and what I could afford at the time. I wish I actually had like a dream job or something. I literally have no idea what I want to do which makes it really hard to make a decision. But I gotta do something so I'll figure it out I guess lol

 

Well I got hired at the grocery store my SIL works at and start next week. Money is gonna be very, very tight bc I start out part time (could be 30 hours a week, could be less depending on the week) and I only get $8.80 an hour (a whole 10 cents above our minimum wage here which it is absolute bullshit that minimum wage is that low!!) But I need to pay my bills, so I gotta take what I can get. My SIL said she got up to full time pretty fast and has gotten multiples raises. I'll be a member of a union which is cool and after a year (if I'm there that long) I get health insurance, dental, vision, all holidays paid off, a week paid vacation and a few paid personal days which I have never had any benefits of any kind ever so that would be nice.

 

last year or the year prior I tracked down my biological father through ancestry.com.

It was honestly nice to see another black man who looked like me having been adopted and raised by a white family.

I was open to getting to know the guy but I didn't tell him I was gay right away because I was afraid of rejection, it was none of his business and he had made a homophobic remark early on in our talks "no son of mine is gay".

After awhile I decided to just tell it like is and told him I'm gay and if that's going to be a problem I am not interested in having a relationship with him. He fired back that I lied to him and needed to respect him, a man that abandoned me.

so, I've left things to just see how they play out and he periodically will reach out and tell me he loves me, which I don't believe??? It's finally got to the point where I just want to tell him to fuck off. I feel guilty today though because I realized I might have been not responding to him/ghostin him to "teach him a lesson" out of petty revenge. Been cycling through anger, depression... but not really feeling sad at all which makes me both more angry and depressed. just need to rip this bandaid off.

 

Fuck. I’m so sorry that was his reaction, that is brutal. You can’t pick your ‘family’ but you sure as hell can pick whether you associate with them.

 

tw abuse

came into close contact with deeply repressed trauma from childhood sexual assault that I hadn’t previously known existed. don’t really feel like i’ve been in my body for days on end. i just need the biggest fucking hug.

 

I'm so, so sorry. Be kind to yourself.

 

hugs

 

thank you so much everyone. means the world ❤️

 

Relatable post

 

I won’t get into detail but my ex is more horrible than I thought. His actions confirmed he lied to me the entire relationship (didn’t confirm or deny when I called him out). I was already previously damaged how he went about things, but now I’m more damaged. I can’t stop crying.

he also straight up denies he has no idea who’s been sending me those messages. Says it has nothing to do with him yet they know his first and last name and other details.

 

My mind is a dangerous place to be. Its so hard when you have no one to talk to. My mind tells me to self harm, self medicate. I was doing ok for a while. I was actually trying. Day by day. Now I’m a big mess again. I’m back to the beginning that took me a really long time to get out of. It literally affected my ability to work for months. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid it’s going to happen again.

 

Ex wife took a COVID test Friday and got the results back and she's positive. We definitely have been in contact recently so I'm super freaking anxious.

It's a bummer that I've been so good this whole time. I don't go to group gatherings, really only go to grocery stores, hang out with the girlfriend, and hike/bike rides. Now I feel like I can't do anything because of her negligence.

 

Recovery from alcohol addicition continues to go smooth, but I might be overworking myself. I picked up a side job delivering pizzas for Domino's and haven't had a day off work for 6 weeks or so now. But I've never been sober so long in my life, well over 100 days now. Gotta keep recovery mindset going strong.

 

I started my new job today. It went fine I guess. The woman training me said I picked up really fast and had me on register with actual customers today which apparently they don't normally let you do that on your first day so I guess I did good. I just honestly don't like the job. I shouldn't say that after 1 day but it's just how it is. But I'm stuck with it so. I've worked at home by myself for almost 10 years and going from that to being constantly around people and constantly talking to people is a huge adjustment and I hate it. I'm not a "people person" and would much rather work alone. I just have horrible social anxiety and while I'm better than I was, it just drains me so much being around so many people all day. I'm also just having a really hard time bc I feel like I'm completely starting over and feel like such a failure and like I should have an actual career at my age. And going from finally being ok financially to having to call my mom and ask her if she can buy me food bc I can't afford it fucking sucksssss. And I know I'm really lucky that I have people I can call for help but I'm just used to doing everything on my own and am used to being the one helping everyone so it's hard to be in the position where I'm the one needing help. And I know everyone is gonna need help sometimes but my brain is just like "you're the worst, you're a failure, you're a burden blah blah" and it's just hard.

 

Seasonal affective disorder is kicking in and wrecking my shit

 

Has anyone had trouble with eating while grieving? I posted about it in the relationships thread but I came to a hard decision with my ex-gf Monday night and haven’t been able to eat much at all since. I did talk to my therapist and she had a couple ideas, but wondered if anyone else had thoughts