Mental Health Thread • Page 335

Been really, really struggling this week. My first real relationship ended back in March due to COVID and not being able to see one another as we were long distance and ultimately in different points in our lives.

I started talking to a girl from Tinder a few days ago and broke it off today because there just wasn’t a spark. I’m now absolutely convinced in my anxiety ridden brain that I will be single forever because how am I going to find someone to date during a pandemic, let alone who would date a sober punk person who doesn’t go out to bars and isn’t interested in being a third with someone’s boyfriend, which seems to be 90% of dating apps. I just feel very alone and scared.

 

Matched with this guy on hinge. He mentioned how he likes my honesty, and I asked what he meant by that. I was honest explained what I meant about what I had written. He then asked me to text him a pic of myself (gave me his number), and when I declined he unmatched me. Jerk. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised because that’s how most guys here are. I wasn’t going to get into my BDD and other mental health issues. I also don’t just text strangers from the net i barely even talked to. I guess that’s why he’s single. It just hurts my self esteem. And doesn’t give me any hope. Guys are so but hurt my rejection. They come off as entitled.

 

I’m sorry if this is TMI. Has anyone else’s sex drive just plummeted over the last month?

 

Because everything closed down just as everything reopened, yet again I haven’t been able to get my brows done. And idk when I can get them done again. My brows are a huge insecurity of mine. They look horrid! It brings back trauma of being bullied. It’s too much to pluck without fucking the shape up. This year has been shit. My life is shit. I want all of this to be over. I’m done with life.

 

(CW: Alcohol)

Starting up graduate school in a few short days. Should be excited and while I'm happy to be out on my own again studying something I actually give a shit about this time, it's hard to be stoked with everything being online because of the pandemic. There are far worse fates, but still. Feels like my youth is wasting away.

Tipsy tonight. I'm tipsy more nights than not anymore. Oh well. At least my body is so small and has such a fast metabolism that it refuses to develop a dependence on anything. Knowing your limits is nice. All the same, though.

 

So I posted a bit in this thread about my journey to sobriety. So far I'm up to just about 75 days sober which is longer than I've went since I first started drinking about 16 years ago. 2 months of the sobriety was spent in rehab, which was an amazing experience that I'll cherish forever (if anyone wants to know of a good rehab to check themselves into let me know... this place is amazing and people from all over the country came there).

Anyways, after leaving I initially went on a little road trip through the Colorado scenery before driving home. Here are some pictures from my road trip.

Me whitewater rafting with some type of King of the World pose while the Oklahoman's I met paddle for me.



Garden of the Gods



The Royal Gorge on The Royal Gorge Route (train)



Suspension bridge 1000ft over The Royal Gorge



View from a hike of a spectacular small mountain town called Ouray, Colorado.



Hanging Lake near Glenwood Springs, Colorado.



Spouting Rock just above Hanging Lake.



On my hike on the way to getting up to Hanging Lake

 

relapsed yet again, time for another go at outpatient rehab

 

Now that some things are opening up again I'm so embarrassed for people who haven't seen me in months to see my weight gain and then I feel ashamed that I'm so embarrassed by it because logical me knows that there's nothing wrong or shameful about gaining weight and I just feel like I'm perpetuating such unhealthy ideals and idk how to change my mindset. Watching body positive ppl on social media helps but I wish I could apply that confidence to me

 

I just saw this and I hope you're doing well

 

im hanging in there. hoping things get better.

 

After a stressful month, I was made redundant. Thankfully, got offered a job by another company not long after. Hopefully finalising that and starting soon. I have seen so many people have job offers pulled out from underneath them recently, I just want to get my foot in the door.

It was definitely an eye opening experience and would not wish it on anyone. It really took its toll on me due to the other things it impacted. The hardest part was seeing my partner and family worried and upset, that really hurt. The surprising and unexpected thing i found was shopping. I went into a supermarket and just felt overwhelmed. I’d went from purchasing without really caring (not a big spender or anything) to literally analysing the cost of everything. Ended up walking out.

 

struggling to see any hope for the future

 

same

 

Same x2

 

Just want to say as someone that’s extremely self-conscious about their eyebrows as well, I totally get this — definitely have fucked up with tweezers, haha.

 

Yeah, things are really tough right now. Work has pretty much zapped any energy or enthusiasm for anything else in my life. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Friday and I'm hoping to up my meds/take the day off.

 

Found a therapist in my network and after an initial visit yesterday, I really like her and am feeling optimistic for the first time in months.

 

feel like my life is fucked and I’m internally just broken and can never fix whatever is that makes me want to use again all the time

 

The joy of my family constantly trying to bring me into their own interpersonal drama and using "but I'm just asking for your advice" as an excuse. When I brush them off politely, I love to then hear once again about how the person they were talking or shit-talking about or another one reproaches me for being too quiet or isolating myself. Yeah... wonder why.

 

I wish I had a place that I can share my feelings without feeling “judged” or feeling like I’m not allowed to feel a certain way. My depression is getting worse. My fears are coming true before eyes and it hurts so much. I feel lost. I have feelings I can’t even explain. I’m tired of crying because of it all. It doesn’t seem fair. I don’t deserve this. I’m really tired of living most days.

 

After a couple of weeks of doing pretty well, I haven't been able to sleep at all the past few nights and now I'm right back to feeling like shit. Just horribly low and hopeless and the physical pain doesn't help. As usual, it really sucks not having anyone to talk to and hang out with. I'm just so sick of being alone all the time and I don't know what to do about it.

 

i fucking hate every day of my life

 

I wish I had a safe place to vent my feelings. I had another “nightmare” (I have no idea what else to call it). I don’t think these are going to go away any time soon. Every time I have one of these I go into a deeper depression. I’m so depressed that I have no energy for self-care, cleaning, or laundry. It takes a lot out of me even to buy groceries and cook. Having chronic fatigue doesn’t help either.

Edit: self care also includes I don’t brush my teeth at night And just do it in the morning instead of Day and night. Now I’m getting a cavity. I don’t remember the last time I had a cavity.

 

everything gets worse and nothing gets better

 

Been feeling the same way lately