Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.
Your hug gifs never cease to make me smile so thank you, I needed that
Don't think I managed to sleep a single second the past 2 nights lol RIP me
I need to drastically change myself if I'm ever going to be even slightly happy, but even just thinking about that makes me so anxious that I'm just going to stay in my lonely bubble until something kills me lol
Now that I've gone back on a regular schedule, ie. waking up around 6 am instead of starting my journeys between 1 and 4 am, I've found it difficult to stay awake in the evenings. I've been passing out at 10 pm or a little more for the past week. I did go out a few times for errands, or appointments far away, but still, I don't feel like I've been doing much effort. It's taking its toll on me a little, because I keep waking up thinking I failed the previous day etc.
Is this what turning 25 feels like? Much like how I'm getting drunk much faster now? I think I'll start exercising again, and see if it changes anything in that regard.
edit: How do we change usernames again
My friend who's my last remaining irl friend started talking to me for the first time in over a month last night. We've been drifting a part for a while because she works a lot has finally found someone to love who actually appreciates her and doesn't treat her like shit. She seems so happy right now and I'm happy for her but also at the same time I just keep thinking about how everyone ends up happier when they move on and leave me behind lmao. I know how selfish it is but when I see people actually achieve what I wish I could I get so jealous
Actually managed to sleep 4 hours last night out of complete exhaustion then work up and was reminded of how alone I am and it went all downhill from there lmao. I'm so pathetic. Now it's not even 8am, I'm so tired and just want to pass out forever
This is going to be a LONG day lol
Amazing how no matter how bad I feel its always possible to get worse lmao
I have a job where I get anger and frustration and abuse my way all day. People threatening to bomb me and shoot me and calling me every insult in the book. I worked a 12 hour shift today and it was honestly just like 12 hours of people mad at me and venting. I feel like it makes me so defensive in my everyday life. Like I think I used to handle criticism better in my personal life. Now I'm just so used to always being on the defensive and am so tired that if anyone gets after me for anything, even if I deserve it, I just already have a wall up and don't want to hear it. It's not good for being self-aware or having growth.
It seems like at least a positive to have some contact with your friend again. I’ve been feeling super isolated lately and I’m trying to make myself reach out to some people instead of just letting it get worse in my head. Maybe now that you’ve reconnected you can stay in touch more?
I’m sorry that you have to deal with something so stressful in the first place and that it’s hurting you elsewhere as well. The fact that you’re aware of it happening seems like you still have a good grasp of being self aware, at least from my outside perspective seeing how you talk about your own reactions.
Also things have been hard this week. I’ve been going through different stages recently where one week I might be generally positive and holding up well, then the next I’ll be super on edge and angry and unable to sleep or keep my thoughts from racing, and now this week I’ve just felt really sad and down on myself and been beating myself up for any little mistake. I can feel the way I think when I get badly depressed starting to come out again, where I just totally doubt that I’m worth anything and assume everything I do is always wrong and everyone hates me.
I am trying to reach out to people instead of totally closing myself off, but then I risk bumping into something I always worry about which is only contacting friends when I’m struggling and I need support instead of actually being there for them and having a close connection all the time. When things are bad that worry often makes me just not say anything because I don’t want to upset anyone with my problems.
as someone whose brain tells them the same bullshit it isn't true you're great
Some co-parenting issues. Not strictly mental health but idk where to put these things
I have primary custody of my daughter, but her mom has a contingency that as long as she lives within 15 miles of me, she gets half time and doesn't have to pay child support. Once that order was in place, she moved exactly 15 miles from me and has never really followed the possession schedule, is always pressuring me to change things up for her, and constantly dropping her off late to school, to the point where she was going to get kicked out of school if she was late any more. The only reason I haven't taken legal action to get full custody because of that is because covid ended the school year early. She's also about to have a 4th child by a 4th guy who's just moved in with them in the past year.
This morning she called and told me she is looking to move into a house and needs me to agree to change the custody agreement to eliminate the 15 mile contingency. I told her about the truancy issue and that if she were moving even further away, I would need to have possession on all school nights. She showed some resistance to that, but ended up saying we can compromise and she can take all weekends -- which I still don't agree to, but it's becoming clear that she really wants is for me to give up my right to child support. I ended up telling her I'll have to think about it and after pressing me a bit further, agreed to come back to it next Thursday
So then my daughter's mom's bf/fiance whatever comes by to drop off my daughter and asks me to talk to him for a minute. I tell him the same thing, that it's something I need to think about, and he gets confrontational. "Why is my ability to have a place for my family something you need to think about" "You've been around her long? Did you know she's suicidal? How many therapists has she had?" This guy clearly doesn't know what he's talking about and is not here to have a good faith discussion, so I calmly end the conversation and he responds "you're lucky your daughter isn't old enough to know what a piece of shit you are"
Anyway, now I am not so likely to work with her on the whole agreement thing
From everything I’ve ever read you post about your daughter, I’ve thought you’re nothing but a wonderful dad. I’m sorry this is happening and I hope it gets straightened out soon.
Thanks. Yeah it seems like I'll need to go to court over this. I am tempted to waive my right to child support if she gives up her 50% custody, but at the same time I think why should I give that up? I'd just be giving up a right I already have with no benefit to me. She does nothing but take and pressures me into doing what she wants
Feels like the appropriate thread for this and I'm not really sure why I'm posting it.
For the last 4 weeks now I've been in rehab trying to get to the root of my alcoholism. I'm staying 60 total days so I still have a while to go. For the first time in my life I'm very motivated to stay sober for life. I've drank since I was 16 and drank like an alcoholic for about 9 years now. By the end, right before I checked in here I was drinking all day every day, even at work while working from home due to COVID. My eyes were starting to yellow from jaundice (but they look much better now). I definitely have done a toll on my liver and my blood work results show that. Just crazy to think how time flies. When I first joined AP.net I had never had a drink in my life. For a long time now alcohol has consumed my life.
I'm ready and motivated to get through this. One day at a time, but in reality it has to be no more alcohol ever. Again, not really sure why I posted this here, just helps my recovery in writing the words down and sharing. If anyone else is going through anything similar, I'm here for ya!
I'd quite like to talk to some people right now. My friends are asleep and I'm not. And I'm not in the best place mentally but I just want a chat.
well this is where we chat and bs so come join us
SlappinCups MemoriA1 • Page 39 • forum.chorus.fm
Not been a great week, but did cap it off by having my first therapy session, which i guess went alright. only bummer is the next session won't be for a couple weeks since next friday is a holiday, or a day off for people anyway. Decided I will look into meeting with a specialist for one continuing health issue. it'd been chalked up due to my anxiety and whatnot, but it's never truly gone away and i could really use answers because i'm so fucking tired of it.
I’ve been a lurker in this thread because I have my own unresolved issues but I just want to tell everyone who posts in here - you all are so brave and I think you all are very strong. Just know I’m rooting for you! You all rule!
feeling very off today and i dont know why or even really how. just out of sorts and it's freaking me out.
Really sorry to hear that, I've coincidentally been feeling the same way all day. Just really anxious, sad, and an upset stomach. My dad asked me if we wanted to meet up for a socially distanced picnic at a park on Sunday and the thought of going out in public only made my anxiety 1000x worse so I just had to tell him I've been having wicked bad anxiety all day and will have to get back to him tomorrow because I can't even think straight
It really fucking sucks when you can't trace it to any specific trigger
I just moved an hour South and I’m fucking exhausted, cause, like, moving is the absolute worst, but during a pandemic is like a level of mental exhaustion I just couldn’t comprehend until today.
yeah pretty much me to a T, though i have managed to control it a little and lower my anxiety somewhat since waking up this morning. i just had no idea what triggered it and that was just freaking me out even more.
sometimes I think that the worst parts of me are what are going to win out in the end, and that no matter what good is in me, that it will dry up eventually and be replaced by bitterness, resentment and hatred for myself, my situation and the world around me; that all the worst things that could happen to me will, so why even try to fight it? i don't know that I'm wrong to think that stuff either. I don't know if people really can change, if I am capable of the real kind of change it takes to get me out of these holes I've dug myself into