Mental Health Thread • Page 31

I'm feeling super duper full of self loathing today

 

I got permission to share this. I'm not going to use her name but I wanted permission anyway.

A percentage of my Twitter followers follow me bc I try to be positive, RT interesting articles on MH, try to be funny (lol), etc..

A newer follower DMed me to share her story with me. She is 53 and suffers from bipolar. She said she spent 3 years in her 20's being manic and hitchhiked around the US. Being manic means you have great energy, euphoria, delusions of grandeur, and you can do anything.

One day she hit the wall of depression that we all hate. She made a noose, tied it to a tree limb, climbed to the top and jumped trying to hang herself. The limb broke and when she hit the ground she broke a ton of bones and now lives as a paraplegic.

She now advocates from her home and reaches out to help others bc let's face it medicine will never fix everything.

I just felt like sharing bc as she's said to me if she can get up and keep living everyday then there is hope for all of us. In her 20's there wasn't support like we have now through the Internet etc.

She's a badass and I figured it would touch some of you as much as it did me. ❤️

 

Strength like that is awe inspiring.

 

Fuck I'm really not ok

 

Today I had to explain to my grandpa why it's not good to say "I'm sorry you feel that way" like dang no wonder my mom is a mess who says that often. He thought it was a genuinely good thing to say and that it was something Dr Phil would do lol. Sometimes I feel like I should be more lenient on my mom cause her parents are so ridiculous it's amazing she turned out even a lil decent. Not that this is a huge glaring example of that but it's just weird to be around her parents and see why she is like she is. Like it kind of gives insight why she's so bad at communication and legitimately acknowledging the feelings of others because her parents do the same. It doesn't make me resent her less but idk at least it gives some perspective?

 

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

 

We got into (yet another) fight. She told me "it was a mistake to get back together" and I just... That's so much more hurtful than anything else she's said. I'm so upset. I know I vent here a lot (and delete a lot of posts) about this stuff but idk this feels so official and it's hard. I'm sad. I'm hurt. And I don't even feel like I have any right to be.

 

Never apologize for venting. This thread is here for you to use in anyway that makes you feel better.

 

Love you

 

After two truly horrible days I kicked myself in the butt today and got some shit done. Made three important phone calls, including making a doctors appointment so I can get back on my meds. I feel like I accomplished a lot even tho to neurotypicals it probably seems like nothing. I want to tell my mom about it but I don't think I can really explain executive dysfunction and how hard it is to overcome to her. At least you guys understand

 

I saw my primary doctor today. I wasn't going to mention that I had been thinking about starting antidepressants, but she asked if there was anything else I wanted to ask her about and I just blurted it out. She told me that it's apparently suuuuper common for people to have more trouble stabilizing their moods and hormones and stuff after weight loss surgery - even 6+ months later. So I'm starting Prozac today.

I'm only a little nervous... Anyone have any protips for it? Aside from taking it at the same time every day, at least?

 

When I started on antidepressants my doctor told me to track my mood daily in a journal or something (which I did for about 2 days) so that might be useful to see if/how they're helping you

 

Good call. I was thinking of starting a journal. I've been meaning to for a long time, actually. Maybe this is the catalyst i needed to actually do it.

 

I try and try and try to be positive for the most part but let me be upset every now and then. I am not a robot. It feels good to cry it out like a kind of release.

 

That's perfect lol

 

Anyone have any holistic methods for situational anxiety that actually work?

 

Cara did an interview where she discussed her depression. She talks about growing up with her mom who was manic depressive, feeling guilty for being depressed cause she knew she was privileged, the way her meds made her feel, etc. She's very candid about it

Cara Delevingne: The Esquire interview

 

Complementary & Alternative Treatment | Anxiety and Depression Association of America, ADAA
Fool-Proof Anxiety Relaxation Techniques

Meditation, exercise and yoga actually do work. I also agree with the essential oils. I personally have a lavender/vanilla spray I use in my room before I sleep if I feel like I need it or during the day if I'm anxious and need to relax.

 

She is also that song is super relevant with the lyrics too

 

I cried a little from happiness. You're so right the lyrics are spot on. Added it to a playlist.

 

Hopefully I get back on meds soon. I feel like I'm being driven up the wall without them at the moment.

 

You might like her songs "are you satisfied?" and "fear and loathing" as well, similar themes

 

Spoiler tagging this because it could potentially be triggering idk.

I'm really terrified of the future, in like all aspects of life. It's gotten to the point where it's debilitating. Lately, I've spent a lot of days in bed, getting up only to eat and go to the bathroom and stuff, when I finally go to sleep a small part of me hopes I just won't ever wake up. Maybe that just feels easier. Idk. I'm just seriously so easily overwhelmed by all the stressors in my life that it causes me to be essentially non-functioning. I want to get better but I don't even know where to start.

 

I looked in a mirror today, and for the first time in my life was happy with what I saw. I'm not where I'd like to be yet, but it really felt good seeing myself and giving a little wink. lol