Mental Health Thread • Page 30

My month I got to keep my daughter just ended and it doesn't feel good

 

My aunt is close to dying of breast cancer and I'm really afraid its going to destroy my family.

There have been ongoing custody issues with my aunt's crazy ex-partner who wants to keep their daughter. In the middle of my aunt's cancer treatment her ex just decided to break their informal week-to-week custody agreement and keep my nine year old cousin full time, while also moving 45 minutes away. So in the midst of her second cancer diagnosis, my aunt and her new wife had to start going to court to fight to see their daughter.

My dad tours full time and has taken a ton of time off, basically moving to Chicago to be there and help take care of my aunt. He's depressive and bipolar. My other aunt has gained almost 100 pounds basically out of stress. My grandpa is showing signs of dementia. And my grandma was just temporarily admitted to the hospital, they thought her reconstructed heart was at risk of failure but it turns out it was just stress.

 

I've been a frequent to these forums since we moved from AP.net but I never knew this thread existed! But it's nice to know that there is a safe place for people to talk/rant/find solace from their problems. I just graduated from college in Alabama with an engineering degree and got a job in California after living in Alabama all my life. I met my current girlfriend during my last year at college and it's been hard her still being in Alabama until December. I've been out here for almost 2 months and it's just a huge change. I'm here all alone and I'm definitely a severe introvert but I still hate being alone. My girlfriend definitely helps but it sucks only seeing her for a week at a time once a month. My parents are no help because all they do is harp to me about money (I'm very responsible with my money and I budget monthly and stick to it religiously). Backstory: for my college graduation they got me my first cool car and yet they keep telling me they shouldn't have gotten it for me and keep making me feel bad about having a nice car and they keep telling me they didn't want me to bring it out to California (I think they secretly regret the financial decision they made to buy it for me) and it just sucks because they're my parents but haven't acted like it in a long time. They also keep trying to tell me to go to church (I recently turned to agnosticism when realizing that I didn't believe in any religion and it was becoming a pain to try to keep up the facade). I can't tell my parents that I've changed my beliefs because they're super conservative (Southern Christians) and literally almost killed me when I told them I listened to "Screaming music" and wanted a tattoo and a dog.... And I currently really want to get a tattoo and a dog (completely different things I know lol) but I can't financially afford either one. Also I'm starting to really get into cars (the car I mentioned earlier is my first border-line sports car) and I'm part of a car club but everyone is super judgemental and they're all actually very rude and disrespectful to women (which really grinds my gears) but it's one of the few moments I get to be social. My best friend lives in Texas and I haven't seen him in over a year. Honestly the only things that keep me going are playing nightly video games with him, the thought of living my girlfriend soon, going to concerts (Warped tour this week woohoo!) and the thought of one day finally getting a dog! Also, I really don't like my job/degree and I only chose this degree because it was something I was good at and it shut my parents up about me not finding a real job if I followed my dreams (musician, graphic designer, or professional gamer (yes I was/am that good at video games and I've been competing at the professional level since I was 13 and I'm now 22)). I just feel like I'm going nowhere in life because I don't have time to pursue my passions (music/gaming) because I'm so tired out by work/daily life. Luckily I'm taking Friday off to go to Warped tour and I'm getting a haircut on Tuesday which is something I'm actually happy about lol. Sorry for the long text but if anyone wants to talk about my issues or about yours, I'd love to listen. TLDR: You can talk to me.

 

Hopefully this isn't weird to say lol but your silver linings are so cute and I'm totally rooting for you!! I hope you get all those things that you want out of life!

 

Haha it's not weird, I've been told constantly by the girlfriend that I'm cute in weird ways lol. Thanks!! I'll try to not be a stranger and keep you guys up to date! It's just nice to know that there are people out there on the internet that care and aren't just self-centered dickheads lol.

 

I love spending time with my sister more than any other human on the planet. It's always hard when she leaves and I'm not ready for it.

 

i would love to be a professional gamer what do you play at that level?

 

I played Halo 3, Gears of War 2, Rainbow Six Vegas 2, Every Call of Duty since Modern Warfare and currently playing a lot of Overwatch and Rainbow Six Seige.

 

I've read a lot of ignorant things but this might take the cake.

 

I can relate to this. I had the same sort of relationship with my grandfather on my dad's side, and he always seemed really healthy considering, until the last few years of his life where he deteriorated pretty much out of nowhere. I don't think I've 100% dealt with it myself as of yet, but on some level it's at least good to have had people in your life who you feel that way about (and for them you) even if you don't tell them in as many words, you know? When you become that close to someone your feelings about them probably become implicit as well. That's what I think anyway.

 

My grandparents were all dead by the time I turned 16 I think, I wish I had the relationship others had

 

Exactly the same situation here.

 

I have a life changing interview tomorrow. Anxiety is off the chain.

 

I think about death a lot too. It's such a weird concept.

 

I think about it a lot too in the sense of once you die you just cease. No thoughts, no body, no mind (relative to what you individually believe). It's a scary thought for me. I haven't done enough yet.

 

Yeah, the ceasing to exist part is terrifying to me.

 

It's something unpredictable , when I'll die not if , that I can't control which scares me

 

I think about dying like being attacked walking to my car at night or an intruder but mostly I think of my dad dying or other people important to me. Idk why but I'm a bit obsessive over it


My grandparents are all young for grandparents, but I'm not super close with any of them because all but one live in other towns or states. I didn't grow up near any of my extended family so I've always been jealous of ppl who are close with their cousins and stuff. We were close as kids but after we moved away we may as well be strangers.

 

The thought of ceasing to exist, while narcissistic, it what gets to me the most. I'm really terrified of dying, which is a shame since you know.. It's gonna happen sometime..
I've talked to a psychiatrist about it before and he was basically like well.. You're just more aware of it than other people..I'm not really sure what to tell you.... Well Thanks bud!

 

Good luck!!

 

Anyone else worried about the state our world is in right now? Even the US (currently home for me) is in huge state of chaos/disarray. I feel like we're only a few steps away from pure chaos/anarchy. Everyone want to move to the moon with me?

 

if the moon were inhabitable, sure. haha

 

Thank you for that. It gave me a little hope.

 

I mean, I've been asking everyone I know to chip in so I can get an island. The shit going on in the world just makes the shit in my life seem that much more pointless. :|