Mental Health Thread • Page 298

Thank you, I appreciate this.

 

Myself and five friends went to this big beer event last weekend and I ended up ruining it by having just a terrible couple of days then this morning see a picture taken of all of us and I was completely cropped out of the picture my friend posted. I feel so childish that it’s bothering me at all.

 

I'm sure you didn't actually ruin the event. and I totally get being bothered by the picture thing, that's something that would get to me too. easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up about it. it's not childish to be bothered by these sorts of things. your emotions are valid, so rather than thinking "oh this is childish" try to reframe it as "I notice I'm feeling hurt/upset by this - how can I best honour these feelings and/or learn from them?"

 

Spent two hours trying to reframe it in my mind and to also distract myself I open IG and the first picture popped up is the same picture that I’m cropped out of. Welp, time to go force being nice to 300 strangers for the next 3 hours.

 

At times, it’s really tough being a human being run by my personal morals. I can see it fracturing my relationships in the long run. I was at my work Christmas party on Friday night, having a good time, and felt my stomach drop when Ignition by R Kelly played. Is it so hard to put some effort into your playlists when you’re running a business that plays music all day? Is it so hard for streaming companies to display a disclaimer for abusive artists, just so people can know?

I understand that a majority of people outside spaces like Chorus don’t even know who R Kelly is, let alone informed about the horrific abuse. My dad only found out about it all after watching Surviving R Kelly last month. All it takes is a bit of effort, some empathy for survivors, and spreading the word to hold monsters accountable.

on a personal level, I’m really struggling with my relationship with my grandmother. A few years ago, my two uncles, let’s call them Steve and Matthew, went into business together. Matthew is my grandmother’s son, and Steve her nephew. They opened a Greek restaurant in Melbourne — and it was tumultuous before the store even opened. Matthew bought a flat in Sydney without consulting Steve, leaving him high and dry when they needed that money behind them. From day one, they were fighting to keep the shop open. Thanks to word of mouth, the store became exceedingly popular and in a few months time, they broke even.

Steve was on a business visa in order to live in Australia. He’s originally from Greece and left in order to make money and meet relatives. As soon as the store was looking good, Matthew took Steve’s name off the paperwork. He employed a new co-owner and Steve was out of a job. They had their problems, for sure, but that’s not how you deal with someone. Especially not family. And so, Steve lost everything in no time. The store doesn’t exist anymore, either.

God knows how Matthew spoke about Steve to my grandmother (they both lived with her at this time), she wound up kicking him out. He was sleeping upstairs in the shop. He was sleeping in his car. Once my dad found out, we brought him to live with us. Steve lived with us for about three months. Every night, my grandmother rang my mum and yelled and harassed her for keeping “a useless man” and “manipulative creature” in our house. My mum cried every night. It was fucking awful.

Because Steve lost his business, he could no longer remain in the country. He lives in London now. My sister and I saw him when we were over there, and it was wonderful! My sister was SO happy. And so, my sister and mum visited my grandmother last week. I chose not to go because all of this has been running in my head since the trip. Good thing I didn’t go, because my nan attacked my sister for seeing him. Said that we can’t trust people, that he’s dangerous, and how could we do this to her, yelling and screaming, etc etc. she isn’t the only one in the wrong here. I’ve never been close to Matthew, so his part in this didn’t hurt me too much or tarnish a relationship. We never had one. But, before any of this, my grandmother was the sweetest person I’d ever known. She showed her a very dark side of her personality, and that’s all I see when I’m around her. How can I get past this? I’m seeing her on Christmas and I’m dreading it. I can’t just look the other way. I can’t forgive and forget. My sister says that I’m being rude and that I’m hurting her. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I’m hurting too, and I’ve turned cold in order to protect myself and others from lashing out because of any issues I have with them. This will always be in the back of my mind, any time I see her. I know that she’s family. Most people in my family believe family comes above all else. It’s not like that for me and I feel isolated and don’t know what to do.

 

Man, Matthew and your grandma seem like real pieces of work.

My go-to move for family I don't like how they act is just to avoid them--keeps me from potentially saying something and keeps them from hurting me further. I love my grandfather but old age and infirmity has not been kind to his personality and it can hurt to be around him for long periods of time. He's fine on phone calls with me, but in-person can be a struggle, for me and everyone else in the family admittedly.

Also fuck your sister for not caring about how you feel and ignoring how shitty your grandma has been.

One move a cousin does with dealing with my grandfather is just to never be alone around them and be in another room whenever possible. It's kind of funny to watch, and depressing.

Any way you can just get out of going to see her? Like she's been shitty to your immediate family, why do they want to see her?! Sigh. I wish you luck, family is just such a headache.

 

I can empathize with you @Mary V on family. It’s such a shitty tight rope to have to walk. thinking of ya.

 

I’m sorry you have family headaches, too. Avoidance is all I can do right now. My sister is very sweet but also a bit naive, she sees the best in people and puts that above how they actually are. I’ve gotten out of seeing her a few times now but I sadly can’t get out of Christmas! I’ll be sitting on the other side of the table though. I wish you luck, too

Thank you, Mike. I’m here if you need anything as well

 

I was having some really bad anxiety and depression tonight. I turned on Frasier and it was the episode enemy at the gate, and it was one of those just perfect timing things. It's about Frasier being kind of held hostage by his principles and having to be humbled that he's more concerned about being right and being stubborn than the actual issue at hand. Niles makes a comment that it's Frasier's principles that got them in the situation but it's his rigidity that's keeping him there and it was exactly what I needed to hear. Will be so sad when the show leaves Netflix. It's seriously just did like a whole 180 with my mental health tonight

 

Are there any others in here on bipolar meds who think it may have affected their way to get drunk?

Ever since being on Lamictal, I swear I never seem to get really drunk anymore. I'll end up feeling a bit buzzed but don't seem to lose control or become completely incoherent as I start drinking more.

 

I don't remember which medication I was on but I do remember this happening to me before and finding it very frustrating because I used to drink to get drunk and I found drinking less enjoyable when I couldn't. It isn't the case with the meds I'm on now but I decided to quit drinking anyway. Anyway, just wanted to say even though I don't know exactly why this happens it is definitely a thing and you're not just imagining it.

 

Update on this: from the instant I walked into the room, she already could tell I was not doing well at all. So I just laid everything out that I possibly could and she's actually going to call my father to possibly rectify at least some of the issues, because a fair amount of what's causing my misery is the fact that my dad lets my sister get away with controlling absolutely everything. She's also going to try to set me up with a therapist, which should hopefully be good for me. I'm not going to be admitted to the hospital or anything, which is good because I hate being in hospitals.

Small steps towards a better future I guess

 

I wish you all the best with this!

 

Welp I have burn marks all over, bruised the fuck up, broke my glasses, lost my car keys, missed my brother’s grad dinner, made out with a friend in front of my girlfriend and tried to with another which she’s fine with cuz we’re fairly open but I’m still embarrassed. It’s been a week y’all. The humiliation is at an all time high.

 

Yesterday i saw a picture of my former best friend and my worst enemy together embracing. It kills me that my old friend chose her over me. I feel betrayed and sad all at the same time. I really thought that those two weren't speaking to each other anymore, because she's just crazy and ruined my life...but I guess they're both crazy and deserve each other. Oh that doesn't make me feel any better though. I saw something good in my former best friend and I want to remember that! :( just so bummed I had to get out of bed to rant about this.

Gonna try to sleep now. See y'all tomorrow!

 

The concept of "getting over" and "forgetting about" people is so strange to me. I'm dealing with a breakup and I went to some online breakup support forum and saw a post saying "I can't wait until the day comes where she doesn't cross my mind at all." And I'm like is this really how other people live?? I'm pretty over my ex from years ago but I still thought about him every day even when I was with someone else I loved - I wasn't wishing I could be with him, or even wondering about him much, I just remembered a lot of things about him. I still think about boyfriends, and even friends, I had in high school or middle school more regularly than maybe most people do. I'd chalk this up to maybe having a really good memory, especially for emotions/events/people, and maybe having a little less people in my life than the average person because I'm an introvert, and the fact that people and relationships just mean a lot to me but I know that last one is true for most people so idk. Can anyone else relate? It almost makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, like I'm not over the past, but I don't know if it's really like that at all. I do feel like I'm in the present/looking to the future more than I am stuck in the past.

 

My brother passed away just over a month ago. Now I'm about to spend the first Christmas without him with my parents.

This life is pretty shitty.

 

Vase im so sorry, the first holiday without my father was very hard a few years ago. I think you know but i'm always just having fun with you. I'm real sorry you lost your brother.

 

98% of the time I'm fine. I can live a "normal" day and be fine. But then that 2% hits and everything just shatters around me and I feel like I've been jettisoned into the void. My brother and I weren't that close, but we had an understanding and cared about each other. There's a big part of me that wishes he stayed and I left.

 

My dad and I were very close, but when he passed we were not on good terms at all, I was in the height of my drug addiction and had recently done some pretty heartbreaking things to him kind of indirectly. I talked to him a couple days before he passed after 6 months of no contact and we had amended things which I will be entirely grateful for my whole life but, I realized the only way I could make peace with it was to honor him the rest of my life by doing well in life.

It's a personal thing to figure out how to honor your brother but i'm sure there's a way you can for the rest of your life i'm sure he wants you to be happy ultimately.

 

This message is really wonderful and I'm very glad I've gotten the chance to get to know you on here. I'm glad you guys made amends. I commend you for being able to have such strength and pull through everything you've dealt with.

 

the first holiday without a loved one is so so hard. incredibly sorry for your loss @Vase Full Of Rocks

 

Likewise my friend, I think you will come to see leading up to the day is much worse than when you get to the actual day. The actual day can be a good one with a slight shift of perspective.

 

I never properly introduced myself. I go by Missy or M and I've suffered from depression and anxiety my whole life but have only really delved into it until a few years ago after my um, really difficult time. Anyway, I've been observed for everything from ADHD, bipolar2, borderline personality disorder and dependant personality disorder. At this point, I think it's mostly just depression and anxiety, but idk. Anyway, that's a quick recap. Thanks for having this outlet here!