Mental Health Thread • Page 295

Might as well die. This so-called life isn't working for me. No job. No nothing. No future

 

that’s just not true tho. we’ve all had hard times but if you keep fighting, you will make it out. nothing is a better motivator to change your situation than suffering. and I’m sorry to see you suffering in such a way but know that your life matters, that you matter. don’t get too down on yourself. if you try, you’ll get out of this black period. remember: there’s always hope. I wish you the best

 

"what you offer to others, you strengthen in yourself" is my quote of the day. Helps me take a deep breath and give grace to others

 

You are welcome literally any second of any day to hang out with me and Ben. We would love to have you! ❤️

 

I wish I knew what it was like to not regret waking up every single morning.

 

really down today. it’s amazing how one negative thought can lead to an influx of negative thoughts to the point where you’re just spiraling, whereas a second before you had that thought, everything was fine

I know that saying about how the mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master is a veritable one and how it’s really just a matter of trying to take your mind off of the thing that’s causing you so much strife and suffering, and I know these thoughts will pass but none of that really helps ya know

 

This is arguably the most difficult year of my life since I was first hospitalized and I am really just trying to hold it together. Staying in my relationship as long as I did made me incredibly sick and I failed to recognize that for so long. It's been less than a week since I left him and as hard as everything else is, I know the choice is right. I feel so free. And that's not a dig at my ex, he is a wonderful man and has even grown supportive through the many conversations we have had over the past few days. He is starting to create his own path for himself and realizes that neither of us was truly happy and was clinging to something that was long gone.

What's difficult is the uncertainty of a place to live - I have options, two aunts have offered and I am so grateful - but it's just so hard to bounce around. I am moving whatever I took from the apartment so far going from one aunt's house and going to another after work. Working 14 hour days at 2 jobs isn't helping, but thankfully I have off at the second job today. I am also sick with a bad head cold and just trying to medicate my way through the day.

I met somebody at my part time job a few weeks ago and our connection has been instantaneous and powerful. So many late night car talks about life, music, family, etc. Her belief in me and that I deserve to be happy was everything I have needed. I told her she pushed me off of the cliff because the trajectory of my life was the same (eventually leaving my ex because I am gay), but that meeting her was the final push I needed. I can't describe my gratitude towards her and the empathy she has shown me through this emotional rollercoaster - I am so comfortable with her that I can't believe we only met a few weeks ago. It really feels like it's been a fucking lifetime with everything that has gone on. Things are moving so fast I have whiplash but it also feels like it's been actual years I have been doing this.

Either way, if I didn't have her, I don't know what I'd do. And our whole thing is "we got time." It's our reminder that there's so much life left to lead, and we will have all the time in the world to learn and experience things together. I'm really just hoping that this lasts. Sometimes you don't need time to know something is right. I know whether it works out or not she was someone I absolutely needed. In every struggling moment I'm just trying to picture her face and remember that on the other side of this she's there.

 

i'm experiencing a lot of sleep difficulties recently, like my brain does not want to stfu when i'm sleeping, i'll have fiction scenes or songs in my head and then i'll end up waking too early for work and i'm just so exhausted.

 

Super stoked for you that you’ve found your path. I 100% understand and know how it feels to form such an intense connection with someone. I started dating my girlfriend exclusively after a week. She came to a wedding with me after three weeks. She moved in after 8-9 weeks. We feel like we’ve been together for 10 years while still feeling like I get to peel back layers and get to know one another even more everyday. That connection is special and sacred and when you find it you have to follow it forever.

 

I’ve never been closer to killing myself

 

I love this so much, thank you for sharing. There are people who have expressed doubts about us but at the end of the day, nobody is inside this relationship but the two of us, and to us it is the realest thing we've both ever felt. Glad you found happiness too

 

Thinking about you. If there’s anything I can do from far away, let me know.

 

You know we're always here to talk boo

 

This site would be trash tho. And this is all about me and I need someone to vent my boy problems to!!! And you're just too awesome!! But like I get it. It can be rough af.

 

Mike I sent your post to my gf because I love it so much and she thinks it's the best. Thanks again.

 

lol Kiana. But thanks y’all.
it’s really just that I’m going through the most stressful and overwhelming time of school in my life (which, if I fuck up which seems likely, I’ll be pushing my moving plan back and putting myself more into debt). On top of the fact that I have literally $5 rn and not really any food or gas and my car insurance is due Friday and I just don’t see a way out of this specifically because I can’t doordash right now because I have to spend all my free time on school. Anddddd all that is my personal stressful life but I also have never been more done with living in such a fucked up patriarchal world. Like I flat out don’t have an interest. It’s not going to change. And so at this point the decision seems made and seems inevitable and with everything in my life going to shit it’s just like welp seems like the time

 

My girlfriend had left her ex husband maybe 9 months before her and I met and she hadn’t even filed for divorce (because she moved from Cali to Michigan and couldn’t really afford it) and for the first 7+ months of our relationship we dealt with his shitty abusive text messages. So we got plenty of side eyes from my mom especially but fuck it. My life, her life, our opinions are all that matter. We went through her divorce together, her bankruptcy together, have navigated living together for nearly 18 months without a single moment of yelling at each other. It’s incredible.

Yaaassss! You’re welcome!

 

I can not describe how much better you make this site. I am glad that you’re here.

 

@supernovagirl you are genuinely one of my favorite people I have met on here and taught me so much. You have so much to offer this world please continue to give yourself a chance.

 

Y'all have such an amazing story!! SO happy for you

 

Thank you. That’s sweet but a TON of people would actively disagree with you lmao. I guess you can say I’m controversial whoops.

Man the world doesn’t deserve what I have to offer it lmaoooo like. The world doesn’t treat women well enough for me to bless it with my presence or the gift of procreating


Also I’m sorry to be all emo in the middle of @K0ta and @bigmike gushy love fest I’m not trying to bring down all the happiness

 

Never be sorry! This thread is for both the good and the bad. We're here for all of it. I wish you the best!

 

But just yeah things seem immediately dire and insurmountable and I’m trying to see beyond that but it’s hard because it’s all completely eclipsed by shit that will never change such as sexism racism classism sizism homophobia etc etc etc etc and it’s like why would I want to continue on or god forbid raise a family in a world this awful?

 

Oh yeah, our reality is very much something I struggle with to, like why bother given how fucked everything is? It's a tall order to ask us to continue marching on.