Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.
Bad. Just doing bad.
I'm really tired of my life being a constant struggle with nothing to show for it and no end in sight.
Just to top off the acne thing someone at work today was like "are you okay? I saw you earlier and was going to ask if you weren't feeling well. you don't look well." Like
Thanx I know I look like trash why are multiple ppl commenting on it omg
*Thinks about how much I already think*
*Tries not to think so much about thinking*
*Definitely going to die young*
Been struggling with increasing levels of anxiety over the past few months. It can get really bad at night, basically once the day is over and I finally stop focusing on stuff and lay down to go to sleep. My brain takes over and I go into panic mode. Haven't found an effective way of dealing with it yet.
Trying to not have a full scale breakdown with all the unknowns and stress that’s happened this week has me losing my mind. I’m having such a hard time keeping it together and I truly just want to curl up in a ball forever
I am sorry Joe, you can always message me if you want to talk or just rant.
Really struggling while at work today. sigh.
Finally get to go home and just fall apart. Held it together during work and then an annoying after work party for our company’s anniversary. Smiling while feeling supremely lonely during that wasn’t fun.
I hate crying every day. I want to Find happiness again, but I really feel like it’s not in the cards for me. Just like anything good in life. For the longest time I felt like I was meant to suffer and it actually happened and is continuing to happen. Still hoping I get really sick and I can let myself die
Had a dream that I did to my boyfriend exactly what my ex did to me. I cheated on him, made up excuses to justify my behaviour, ghosted him and emotionally abused him. It’s fucked me up all day. It’s been seven years but I still regularly question my self worth. All my fears about our relationship have been playing in my mind over and over again and I feel so weak now. He’s been amazing, taking care of me like he always has. 20 days until I’m heading off to England, to his home and to his life! I need it more than ever
I hate how easily one bad dream can just fuck you up for a whole day.
On the upside: I didn’t apologise for being a burden while sharing! That’s something positive
That's progress! I hope the dream is just your anxiety manifesting itself ahead of the trip/move (I wasn't sure haha). But that's so soon and exciting!
Thank you two week trip!
I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years today and it feels like a death. Thanks to everyone who has offered kind words in the past on this. He's an amazing person and thankfully it seems like we will be staying in each other's lives but it will be really hard for the next few months as we figure out our next moves in life. I would not be the person I am without him and I struggle to see the future without him as well. As much as this is something I initiated, it still feels like absolute hell. I really can only tackle one day at a time.
Hey congrats, in a sense, for finally pulling the trigger and doing right by you. That long together can’t be easy to end. I am curious if he was surprised by it?
either way, I wish you (and him) the best. Now go find yourself a big tiddied goth gf.
Thank you for the support. He wasn't surprised. He was hurt of course but I am in awe of how comforting he managed to be even while I was the one blowing up our lives. I think we both realize that this is nobody's fault and that sometimes things don't work out.
Of course! I'm always here to support you. Just let me know if you ever need anything.
I'm glad it seems to have gone as well as a breakup can and hopefully you two can manage to stay friends, since, if nothing else, you two definitely have been that for a long time.
Bad night, bad night. Sigh.
Okay so I read through this thread every now and then but I always talk myself out of posting, so I'm gonna try to not do that this time.
I took a trip last weekend to visit my sister and her boyfriend for the first time since they moved to NC back in June. It was pretty awesome and honestly the best couple of days I've had in months. We did a ton of driving and lots of walking, which admittedly got a bit difficult at times with some of my recent health problems, but overall I had a great time and felt pretty good all four days I was gone. I even managed to stick strictly to my diet and ate really well and just felt overall better than I have in some time. But now that I've been back home since Tuesday I feel like I've been disassociating and just feel depressed and all around awful. I've been eating like crap and I can't seem to find any motivation to get back to reality. I know I need to make some big changes but it's all very complicated. I feel like any time I'm doing okay for a bit, I start back pedaling so hard and I don't know how to stop.
Just a couple of weeks before my trip, my anxiety and everything had gotten so bad again I ended up back in the ER, but after that I'd been doing a lot better, until a few days ago. At my last doctor's appointment I actually talked to him for the first time about possibly taking medication for anxiety/depression, and he seemed to think it was a really good idea, but then we agreed I should wait and see how I'm feeling over the next month with the other things I have going on and other meds I'm taking. I ended up feeling a bit like I chickened out, but at the same time I was just extremely proud of myself for talking about some of the things I had spent years thinking I would never even be able to put into words. I also tried talking to two of my sisters about all of this and they just kind of blew me off. I don't blame them really. All of my family has always been terrible at communicating and being supportive, and I know I'm not always much better. They're not really the people I should be trying to talk to about this anyway, it just sucks not really having anyone else. I feel like every conversation I do have with them or anyone is such surface level fake bs and I hate it. It's been so long since I've had someone to really talk to about everything and I miss it so much. I don't even know who I would reach out to at this point, since I've barely talked to most of my friends since high school and it would be completely out of nowhere if I tried to message any of them now. The few internet friends I have are all dealing with their own stuff, including one who recently survived a suicide attempt and now has to move back home across the country, which makes me feel like my problems are so small in comparison, though I know they're really not. I've been trying to be there for her but I've never dealt with anything like that and I feel so uncertain about everything I say.
Honestly things have felt like such a constant and insane downward spiral since I lost my mom last year, and I truly wouldn't wish this whole grief, depression, anxiety, chronic illness combo on anyone. Sometimes I think about how everything was going so well prior to my mom's copd getting so much worse at the end of 2016. It's hard reminding myself there's no point in wasting my time wishing I could just go back to three years ago, when I genuinely felt like I was on a good path for the first time in my life before everything went wrong.
...Well, sorry. That was a lot. It felt good to get that out though. Thanks for reading all of that if you did.
I'm just getting a sea of rejections from every job I apply for. I can't even get an interview anywhere. I have literally no skills or degree so can't wait to make minimum wage for the rest of my life and continue to be poor and miserable!!