Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.
I think about this too. Like we just do.... This?? Forever??
Anxious about the tattoo in just a few days and excited, of course. But it got me thinking and looking at my body and how much I fucking hate it and someone just looking at me as they tattoo me is making me very uncomfortable as I lay in bed right now.
I had another weird ex bf dream and I don't know why it keeps happening or what has been triggering those memories. It was a similar thing this time where we weren't "together" but we were associating and got caught and i was ashamed. And it was like a dream-ception where in the dream I was horrified because this time it wasn't a dream (but then of course it was) and I had put a kid in danger to associate with my ex and it felt like my world was ending. Idk not a fan of this at all.
Today marks 10 years from my sadly unsuccessful suicide attempt. I feel like today is supposed to be a day where you look back and feel grateful for all of the experiences and such that only happened bc you were alive...but all today really feels like is resentment that it didn’t work and that I haven’t given it an honest effort since then, even though it’s something I think about nearly daily.
I'm glad you're here
Barely holding together at work, just sort of want to curl up and cry. I don't know why.
SADLY unsuccessful?? I don't think so sis! I care about and appreciate you!! You provide pics of goat yoga and cute outfits. You give us pop culture references and nsync stanning. You give us your great takes on things like feminism and body image. You are so worthy of being alive and happy. I'm at least happy that you're alive in the world even if ur not!
you're bound to have complicated emotions about this and I'm not going to tell you how to feel about today. I for one am so glad it was unsuccessful. like Kiana said you are 100% worthy of happiness and I believe you'll get it too. there are so many more goats to pet and songs to hear and days to live! you gotta stick around for those. never forget that there are people who love you here!
definitely make time for yourself to have a good cry after work. put on some music or a tv show or movie that you find comforting and wrap yourself in a cozy blanket.
Yeah, definitely going to take that under advisement. Been a while since I've had a good cry.
I don’t deserve you both, I appreciate this so much
I know I say it all the time but I’m really tired of living. Nothing has gone right in my life. My dad treats me like a fucking child and i can’t stand it, sometimes I feel like he can be a bully. Both of my parents were/are that way. I can’t afford a fucking apartment because even the “low income” ones have rent higher than my paychecks. Everyone says things will get better but they haven’t. Things were going ok when I was with my ex because I had hope, but that went to shit and I’m further away than where I was before. How much longer do I have to be strong. I’m starting to break down physically and mentally. I get more weak each time. It’s reallt hard because I have literally no one to talk to about my day at work or anything which makes things worse for me. I don’t know what to do anymore
This might be a long post. I am not sure if this is the right thread to post this, but I need to write it out and I'm not sure where else to go.
A little over 3 weeks ago I was laying relaxing in bed when my vision started to blur a bit and I noticed that my breathing was a bit labored. I wasn't quite sure what was happening, so I sat up and instantly felt a tingling sensation go from the top of my head throughout my entire body. I started to stand up and felt like I was going to pass out so I tried to call for my wife but I couldn't speak. I fell back onto the bed and was able to call her name, and just told that I didn't know what was happening but she might need to call someone. After 20 minutes or so I came down a bit, and felt completely drained by the experience. I was unsure what had happened, and my worry was that I had a mini-stroke or something.
The next morning I woke up and was just out of it. I was having trouble speaking, forming my thoughts, typing, and just communicating in general. I felt completely outside of my body. I mentioned this to a couple people and they both instantly said "panic attack". So, I talked to my friend who has panic attacks and they said "no, that sounds like something more". At this point I decided to go see my doctor, but she was off so I saw the one on call. His thought was that it was also a panic attack but its impossible to say without further testing, and if it happened again to go to the ER. I also already had a neurologist appointment scheduled for mid-october so he said to bring it up with them, and to also talk to my therapist to see what he thinks.
A few days later I saw my therapist and walked him through everything, and he said some of it overlaps with panic attacks, but a lot of it doesn't and he wanted me to get checked out further, so after making some calls I was able to get my neurology appointment moved up.
The neurologist was a bit cold, but listened to my symptoms and wanted to get an MRI done the following week to check out my brain. I got the results back today and, thankfully, it came back clear.
I was relieved to hear this, but also a bit confused as I am still completely spaced out. I am still having trouble speaking a bit and typing. My memory, which is normally great, is awful. I feel like I am on delay and like a shell of myself. My headaches have gotten real bad, and my eyes are suddenly super sensitive to light. I have no energy to do anything. Something just isn't right, and I don't know what it is.
I called them back to ask some questions about next steps. The doctor was again very cold and said that I didn't have a stroke or brain tumor, and I could see them again in a month if I still felt off. I asked about the potential of post-concussion stuff as I had forgotten that I hit my head pretty hard while traveling at the end of August. My wife reminded me about that and said she had noticed that I had been off a bit since we got back. The doctor said it is possible and that symptoms normally clear up in 10 days, and if not 10 then up to 6 months. She then said bye and hung up.
So at this point, I am just not sure what to do. I've tried to keep it relatively quiet in my personal life as some people have just said "it must be anxiety". I have tried to parse through that and I really don't think it is. I am having my first child in December, but I am not anxious about it at all. I know what anxiety is, and this just feels like something way more.
I just want to feel normal again though. This past month has been terrible. I just can't shake it and that is actually what is causing anxiety for me now.
Sorry to hear all this.
It's shitty your doctors have been so dismissive about your issues, especially since it's left you anxious, which doesn't help any if it was a panic attack.
I hope things improve or you get someone to actually fucking take you seriously and help figure out the issue.
This house doesn't feel like my home right now and I don't know if it will again.
@elwayinthe4th if you need anything I’m just down the road, literally probably. Haha
What? Lol I always thought you lived in the north loop?
Nah I live in Plymouth, you are in EP right?
No Shakopee lol. I work in ep now though.
Well if you ever want to get together and get a drink sometime let me know! I work construction so my hours during the week are usually just chilling at home but weekends I’m generally free.
Ok that would be cool! I would not have expected that you work construction lol.
Have a long list of low income apartments to look at. I won’t get to all of them in a day. I feel lost and it’s hard to get by. On top of doing my intern hours, I have to take a state required class which is going to cost almost $400, on top of that I need a new car, on top of that a place to live. When things are stable it takes a turn for the worst and goes down the shitter. It always happens. Why. Why does shit always happen to me. I can’t sleep or think and I don’t know how I can keep going on
Social media has been fucking with my head so I deactivated all of mine. I feel somewhat anxious about it but also free.
It's been a cycle with me all year to take social media (including at times chorus and overall internet) breaks because being plugged in all the time is really bad for me. I just see posts from friends hanging without me or people I'm distant from and it starts to really bum me out. I get angry, sad, frustrated, and it's all coming from a place I know is unhealthy and also completely overblown. I am gonna shoot for a month and hope that helps.
Hey @EarthShifts, do you get migraines by any chance? I had a similar thing happen to me a few months ago and I thought I was having a stroke. A few hours later, I developed a migraine worse than usual and discovered the “silent” migraine onset which can be super scary and disorienting. it can apparently happen without the headache pain.
Silent Migraine: Symptoms, Causes, Treatments, and More
edit: for reference, this occurred when I was going through a really stressful time at work and kind of just came on while I was at the office. Then I DID have a panic attack and cried and my boyfriend had to drive me home. So fun.