Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.
same but realize that probably no one else sees you that way and your mental image is way worse than what you present
Yeah, I'd like to believe that but I just have never been able to sway my brain, lol. So I see myself and it's just like a kick in the junk.
Quoting myself lol to say the opposite of this is nice tho. When I look in the mirror and do feel like myself. Not necessarily "beautiful" but just like myself. Tends to happen when I'm wearing an outfit I like and had time to do my makeup like I want and feel like myself as a result of self expression. Growing up I hid a lot of myself by hiding under baggy clothes or hoodies in summer and coming into myself and my style makes me feel v happy. I'm shy and introverted so it's a way for me to express my personality without having to talk haha
I think eventually I'll just give up. I'm still a nobody who isn't good at anything. My life hasn't had any progression and I'm tired of suffering.
Please don't give up. It's hard now and I get that. There is support if you need it, you just need to take that next step.
I always find myself struggling with money. Rent is so expensive where I live it's hard to organize moving out. I'm home by myself most of the time but for whatever reason I feel much more lonely by myself in a small apartment. There is one apartment that is "perfect" for what I'm looking. It's in no way "fancy" or in a super nice area, but the price is reasonable (still not cheap) for what they offer. The plan I looked at seems like it can fit all my stuff. It didn't appear to have bad reviews and all the reviews I saw were pretty positive. I am working towards a better paying job, but starting wage isn't much more than min wage (depending on where you go). Not many places offer medical insurance, which is crucial for me because of my health problems. Even with insurance procedures are still in the thousands or not covered at all. I always wonder why I had to be born with the worst genetics. The hardest part about this all is I have to go thru all of this alone. I have no one. I can't stand when people say "theres someone for everyone" or "you'll find someone" because thats far from the truth. Hideous people like me were meant to be alone. Eventually everyone leaves because they can't deal with me. I want to suffering to end
I don't know. It's been hard for too long and there's not much hope. I work a close to minimum wage and barely get by. I've tried medication to help with depression and anxiety and nothing helps. I just started seeing a new therapist but I'm not too optimistic because past therapy has never really helped.
I do get it, I know people always say they understand and want to help but there are truly those around that can do it. If not in real life, then here. It's a community and we are all in this thread because we need something to grasp onto and be familiar with. We all have that common thing so please reach out to me, or someone else, if you just feel like talking. Talking is a start. Starting is the hardest part.
I'm not sure where else to put this, but after talking about it with some of my close friends, I've more or less come to the conclusion that I'm non-binary as far gender goes. It's been something that's been weighing on me for years but I've kept quiet about because I know some of my family would have issues with it (eg "you're just looking for attention/validation etc") I guess that part's kind of irrelevant since I don't speak to them/have them blocked on everything for other reasons so it's not like they'd know or even care. But it did feel like I was being dishonest with myself by saying I was a cisgendered male when I think there are too many things about me that don't line up with that. And it feels like I should have realized this years ago instead of trying to suppress it because I was too scared of what other people might think.
Unfortunately at work I wouldn't be able to openly be non-binary since I work primarily with boomers who wouldn't understand any of it and the last thing I need is the stress of someone spreading nasty rumors about me because of it. Like I deal with enough stress as it is, I don't need more
I had the worst panic attack at work I’ve ever had. I went to the office and threw up all over. They called an ambulance, but I refused. I told them it happens all the time, but I’ve never thrown up from one before. Everyone knows now and it’s so embarrassing. Coworkers are texting me and I feel like they’re walking on egg shells around me now.
I mean, really, what even is enjoyment anyway?
Still waiting to get really sick or in an accident so I can die. Maybe this flu season can be it. No reason to live when you don’t have a quality of life
Can’t stand seeing posts “things will get better” because that’s a shit lie. Things just continue to get wose for me. No matter how much I try. I’m WORTHLESS.
The past week I’ve been leaving the house for work at 6:30am and getting home at 6:30pm, 8 of those hours are paid. My girlfriend works a completely different schedule so I’m alone all the time. I’m broke as fuck, and I just hopped in my car right now to drive myself home but I think my starter is fucked up- which I can’t afford at all. I honestly am considering just killing myself.
Sorry to hear you're struggling
I get the bummer of a long daily commute, that's my daily life for sure. Do you and your partner have any time on the weekends or anything?
Wish I had something enlightening here to say, but given I feel like what you say on a general basis, I got nothing. I am, however, available if you just wanna talk or vent or whatever. Do know that we're all here for you.
I'm tired of being sad and lonely. I feel like I'll never get out of this. Nothing in my life has even gone right even when I try. I'll never have happiness. I'll always struggle with money. I'll never be enough. My life is meaningless, I'm tired of living
Idek how to word this, because I like to think that I am strengths based and fairly trauma informed, but I also struggle when I feel like ppl aren't held accountable. Which I never thought I'd say because usually I find that ppl are too harsh and insensitive with mental health. But in this instance I feel like someone is being handled with kid gloves and instead of having their mental health be an explanation for some of their behavior and actions it feels like excuses that are being enabled. mental health issues aren't an excuse for abusive behavior and I feel like I'm being gaslit in an attempt to justify what this abusive person is doing. And when I try to call it out im the bad guy for being insensitive to someone's mental health struggles and triggers. Idk. I'm rly struggling with it because again usually I am on the opposite side of the fence where I feel like ppl are being too insensitive. It's throwing me for a loop wondering if I am the bad guy who is too jaded or desensitized to see what everyone else is seeing
It's tough and delicate , for instance I know like J*hnn* D*pp and R**n *d*ms have concurrent substance abuse and/ or mental health issues, which doesn't excuse their behavior, lots of people including you and me manage to face mental health issues and not ruin anyone's life
Yeah it's a delicate line for sure. It's like every time I try to hold them accountable for their actions im told "well they were triggered!" And like I get that, but again it's not an excuse for abusive behavior. And it's a disservice to them because they'll never get the skills and tools they need to manage those triggers if everyone just avoids the issue like a land mine. Idk. I feel bad for questioning the mental health issues and then I feel bad that I'm the only one who does and I walk away frustrated and guilty.
My anxiety is becoming overbearing.
There is a tendency for me to lean into decisions that will make me unhappy because it's so much easier for me to feel terrible than find any sort of lasting happiness. Otherwise, I just feel empty. That spills over into pretty much aspect of my life, including here. I'm also afraid of anyone liking me all that much because I don't trust that they really do. It makes interacting with anyone difficult, and my anxiety over expressing myself perfectly is just agonizing.
The revelation that my hair has started to think has sent me into an existential downward spiral of self loathing as well. And I'm back at the university that I failed out of due to my mental health issues which puts so much weight on me.
Long story short, I need to find a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Anyone have tips for choosing one?
I’m tired of crying every morning as I wake and every night. Sometimes randomly I’ll cry in the middle of the day because I just get sad that I’m alone and worthless. I hate feeling like I’m not enough and I’ll never be enough. I’m hurting from the lies. It doesn’t make sense. I have so many mental health problems and just regular health issues, everyone just leaves me. I don’t feel like I’ll get anywhere in life. Everything is so expensive where i live I can’t afford anything and have no friends to have a roommate. I’m alone in life and it’s difficult. I can’t continue like this. Wishing for all this to end.
I am getting resentful that we are just expected to work hard throughout the week and have little life, just to look forward to the weekend and then repeat next week until I guess we retire or die?? And I don't even dislike my job but I just hate this mindset we have that we contribute to the world by working for a labor force that often exploits us and then maybe we can hope to retire someday if our job even has semi decent benefits. Sometimes I want to rebel and break out of that but idek what that would look like. Especially since I feel so chained down with student loans and other grown up expenses meh.
yeah this can sum up my current state, my gf's mom and brother making fun of my alcoholism then sending me the screenshots to shame me. really helps.