Mental Health Thread • Page 282

I do get it, I know people always say they understand and want to help but there are truly those around that can do it. If not in real life, then here. It's a community and we are all in this thread because we need something to grasp onto and be familiar with. We all have that common thing so please reach out to me, or someone else, if you just feel like talking. Talking is a start. Starting is the hardest part.

 

I'm not sure where else to put this, but after talking about it with some of my close friends, I've more or less come to the conclusion that I'm non-binary as far gender goes. It's been something that's been weighing on me for years but I've kept quiet about because I know some of my family would have issues with it (eg "you're just looking for attention/validation etc") I guess that part's kind of irrelevant since I don't speak to them/have them blocked on everything for other reasons so it's not like they'd know or even care. But it did feel like I was being dishonest with myself by saying I was a cisgendered male when I think there are too many things about me that don't line up with that. And it feels like I should have realized this years ago instead of trying to suppress it because I was too scared of what other people might think.

Unfortunately at work I wouldn't be able to openly be non-binary since I work primarily with boomers who wouldn't understand any of it and the last thing I need is the stress of someone spreading nasty rumors about me because of it. Like I deal with enough stress as it is, I don't need more

 

I had the worst panic attack at work I’ve ever had. I went to the office and threw up all over. They called an ambulance, but I refused. I told them it happens all the time, but I’ve never thrown up from one before. Everyone knows now and it’s so embarrassing. Coworkers are texting me and I feel like they’re walking on egg shells around me now.

 

I mean, really, what even is enjoyment anyway?

 

Still waiting to get really sick or in an accident so I can die. Maybe this flu season can be it. No reason to live when you don’t have a quality of life

Can’t stand seeing posts “things will get better” because that’s a shit lie. Things just continue to get wose for me. No matter how much I try. I’m WORTHLESS.

 

Sorry to hear you're struggling

I get the bummer of a long daily commute, that's my daily life for sure. Do you and your partner have any time on the weekends or anything?

Wish I had something enlightening here to say, but given I feel like what you say on a general basis, I got nothing. I am, however, available if you just wanna talk or vent or whatever. Do know that we're all here for you.

 

I'm tired of being sad and lonely. I feel like I'll never get out of this. Nothing in my life has even gone right even when I try. I'll never have happiness. I'll always struggle with money. I'll never be enough. My life is meaningless, I'm tired of living

 

Idek how to word this, because I like to think that I am strengths based and fairly trauma informed, but I also struggle when I feel like ppl aren't held accountable. Which I never thought I'd say because usually I find that ppl are too harsh and insensitive with mental health. But in this instance I feel like someone is being handled with kid gloves and instead of having their mental health be an explanation for some of their behavior and actions it feels like excuses that are being enabled. mental health issues aren't an excuse for abusive behavior and I feel like I'm being gaslit in an attempt to justify what this abusive person is doing. And when I try to call it out im the bad guy for being insensitive to someone's mental health struggles and triggers. Idk. I'm rly struggling with it because again usually I am on the opposite side of the fence where I feel like ppl are being too insensitive. It's throwing me for a loop wondering if I am the bad guy who is too jaded or desensitized to see what everyone else is seeing

 

It's tough and delicate , for instance I know like J*hnn* D*pp and R**n *d*ms have concurrent substance abuse and/ or mental health issues, which doesn't excuse their behavior, lots of people including you and me manage to face mental health issues and not ruin anyone's life

 

Yeah it's a delicate line for sure. It's like every time I try to hold them accountable for their actions im told "well they were triggered!" And like I get that, but again it's not an excuse for abusive behavior. And it's a disservice to them because they'll never get the skills and tools they need to manage those triggers if everyone just avoids the issue like a land mine. Idk. I feel bad for questioning the mental health issues and then I feel bad that I'm the only one who does and I walk away frustrated and guilty.

 

My anxiety is becoming overbearing.

There is a tendency for me to lean into decisions that will make me unhappy because it's so much easier for me to feel terrible than find any sort of lasting happiness. Otherwise, I just feel empty. That spills over into pretty much aspect of my life, including here. I'm also afraid of anyone liking me all that much because I don't trust that they really do. It makes interacting with anyone difficult, and my anxiety over expressing myself perfectly is just agonizing.

The revelation that my hair has started to think has sent me into an existential downward spiral of self loathing as well. And I'm back at the university that I failed out of due to my mental health issues which puts so much weight on me.

 

Long story short, I need to find a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Anyone have tips for choosing one?

 

I’m tired of crying every morning as I wake and every night. Sometimes randomly I’ll cry in the middle of the day because I just get sad that I’m alone and worthless. I hate feeling like I’m not enough and I’ll never be enough. I’m hurting from the lies. It doesn’t make sense. I have so many mental health problems and just regular health issues, everyone just leaves me. I don’t feel like I’ll get anywhere in life. Everything is so expensive where i live I can’t afford anything and have no friends to have a roommate. I’m alone in life and it’s difficult. I can’t continue like this. Wishing for all this to end.

 

I am getting resentful that we are just expected to work hard throughout the week and have little life, just to look forward to the weekend and then repeat next week until I guess we retire or die?? And I don't even dislike my job but I just hate this mindset we have that we contribute to the world by working for a labor force that often exploits us and then maybe we can hope to retire someday if our job even has semi decent benefits. Sometimes I want to rebel and break out of that but idek what that would look like. Especially since I feel so chained down with student loans and other grown up expenses meh.

 

yeah this can sum up my current state, my gf's mom and brother making fun of my alcoholism then sending me the screenshots to shame me. really helps.

 

WELP I'm still getting more beer today so fuck 'em.

honestly so close to telling his mom he's on H again. i'm pissed.

 

How do people live alone and get by alone? And with no friends? I can’t do it. I can’t explain the feeling but it’s destroying. It’s like extreme boredom that will never end. I’m trying to find an apt so I can’t take my cat but I rather live with a roommate. Problem is I have no friends to ask to room with. I don’t know what to do. I can’t function

 

I try to find independent hobbies! Read books, practice guitar, find new recipes to try, go the gym, listen to my music on repeat without annoying anyone, marathon shows without annoying anyone, etc. I kinda want to teach myself to cross-stitch too. I feel busy and well-rounded when I actually do these things instead of mindlessly browsing on my phone which is what I've done all day lol

 

It's not for everyone, but honestly I can't imagine living with a roommate again. I like the quiet and being alone. Sure, there are times it can be actually lonely, but nothing's perfect. You don't have to deal with anyone else. I control how the whole apartment looks, all the costs, and no one else's mess but my own depressed ass.

But if that's not for you, you can still get roommates, even if you don't have any friends to currently room with. Many sites like zillow let you see what people are looking to fill a room, which can be an option.

 

I’m very weary of looking for randos to room with because you don’t know how they are or if they gonna steal your shit. A friend of mine did something similar but used like Craigslist and interviewed people and it turned in to a mess for her. If I had friends to hangout with then maybe I’ll feel different about living alone. It’s mainly I have no one to spend time with or talk to so I feel more lonely

 

That's fair. Where I live it's almost mandatory to have roommates, so like most of my co-workers do and they all seem to be doing pretty well--but if it's something you want avoid, no worries, just a suggestion I thought I'd mention.

I wish I had better advice to offer you, but I've had few friends from high school to now and just sort of adapted to being alone and it's always been my default preference when growing up, haha. Like often just talking to people through text and on chorus is more than enough for me most of the time.

 

Almost verbatim been there in college. Was alone, had no friends, didn't know how to make any. Cried in the shower almost daily. It's almost impossible to get out there in that state, so, best advice I heard (that to be fair didn't click for a while): don't forget the child in you. You're worthy of love and care like you would give a child, see that in yourself and remember that's still there. The rest comes from that.

 

It’s hard to feel that when I was emotionally neglected as a child and never felt loved.

 

so the house that took me in is at risk of being taken away. if anyone could donate anything they can, it would really really help.

Click here to support Housing for Queers organized by J. Nguyen

 

I'm sorry, that's hard. This was told to me by someone who also had a very hard and abusive childhood. I think the idea is more, treat yourself like you would treat a child, don't forget there's still that innocence in you worthy of love. I do know that's easier said than done.