Mental Health Thread • Page 273

fellin worthless

 

Having a tough time with this break up. He was everything I could hope for but didn’t think I could find. We met a few months after a tough time for me. He turned everything around. I was happy for once. And other people can see I was happy too. Now im majorly depressed and don’t know what to do. I moved more of my stuff out and trying to sort thru my belongings getting rid of stuff I don’t need. Didn’t realize I have so much stuff. I want to try to do that ASAP so I can find a place of my own to live

 

I feel like I need to be thicker skinned. I get so bent out of shape with how ppl view me. I get so controlling about how ppl perceive me, and if I don't think it's accurate I get worked up. That doesn't mean they have to perceive me as like a perfect angel, but when someone comes to me in bad faith and tries to call me out on something I don't think is accurate I get upset and become a know it all and like won't rest about it. It's the kind of thing that I wake up at 2am thinking about.... Even like 5 years from now.

It's just been rly rly rough. I had multiple pieces of positive feedback today and I shouldn't let one neg thing ruin my entire day, but it is.

 

I'm having a really hard time. It's hard to be at work without wanting to cry. I still try to avoid the topic of coming up so I don't start crying. I told one of my co workers about my bf breaking up with me (she had told me something thats she's going thru so I told her that I was going thru stuff too and just started crying just mentioning it). It hurts so much, it feels like someone close died. He literally was the best person. He was everything I hoped I could find, but didn't think was possible. No one has came close. He came into my life in a dark time. I guess I am destined to be alone forever. I told myself when I started dating him, if it didn't work out, Im done with dating. I thought we were going to last a lot longer. I thought things were going well, but he stopped liking me. I felt lied to

 

I spent most of today crying into my pillow to the point where my eyes are still swollen hours later because it hurts how much most of my family doesn't fucking care about me

 

Omfg how do I stop overthinking?????? All I can dwell on is what I didn't do well enough. Over and over on replay in my brain. I should've done this or said that. TV and movies is the only way I've been able to shut it off but that's just a distraction and doesn't actually teach me how to work thru it. I keep repeating to myself that I am in charge of my feelings and not to give anybody that power over me, but the more stressed I get the harder it is to listen. Things Are Not Going Well. I have therapy on Friday so I just have to push thru. And I have the 4th off so I'll have a break. Then next week I'm spending the weekend with my friend, tho even that I'm waiting to be canceled on cause I'm so used to it. Then the week after that I have a training I'm rly looking forward to.

I wish I had all the funds lol. I would totally take a Monday off and just go to the city by myself for the weekend. My desire to withdraw and be alone probably isn't great but at the same time it's so nice not having to deal with others.

 

Hugs for everyone in here. You're all awesome and my inbox is always open if you ever want to talk or just vent. I know it's not likely, or easy for that matter, but I hope you all find some bit of happiness over this holiday break.

 

If you ever figure out how not to overthink, fucking share that secret with me. I replay the stupidest shit over and over again in my brain--did I disappoint someone, did I talk to much right then, did I say something so profoundly boring, etc.

 

Holiday’s have been really hard on me this past year. Since falling out with an old group of friends after a breakup I’ve just been kinda floating and holidays and events where I knew I’d have been busy this time last year, just serves a reminder of what I’m missing all the time.

Which is stupid because it doesn’t even feel like I miss the people themselves after all this time. But something’s missing and idk how else to put it


Edit: Also I told myself I’d put my phone down and just watch just TV like an hour ago, because for whatever reason when I get upset I just endlessly scroll through socials, but here I am on my phone in a silent room driving myself nuts.

 

Every day has been a struggle to get by. I feel worthless again. Not good enough. I guess some people were meant to suffer and I’m one of them

 

I’ve never felt this low. I’m having a very difficult time and I don’t know what to do. I’ve had several breakdowns. My mind is a mess. It’s hard to get by. I can’t handle this.

 

Started taking mood stabilizers. I talked to a psychiatrist about potentially being bipolar so hopefully this’ll help.

 

I have to get a new job and get away from this place, I can’t do this anymore.

 

How are you doing today?

 

I’ve been taking lamictal for a few years. It’s a mood stabilizer for bi polar and works really well for me.

 

It’s still hard.

 

Disappointed my dad for like the 200th time. He's a dick because he has such old values, but it still hurts when I hear the disappointment in his voice, the whole 'My son's a fuck-up' tone.

 

I'm so used to friends disappointing me. I have plans with a friend this weekend and every time she calls or texts me I expect her to be ditching me. That's how jaded I've become with friendships. It's not even something personal with this friend, I'm just so used to it. Anyway, she called me today about being excited for our plans so that's hopeful.

 

She called you excitedly that she has to cancel! jk

Sucks that you've become so conditioned to this that you expect every contact to be a cancellation. :(

 

Yeah I guess I'm used to friends letting me down. And a lot of it in adulthood isn't even personal it's just people's adult lives being busy and things happening, but I feel like I'm always like... Abnormally more dedicated than most ppl? Like I can rattle off all my friends birthdays, remember little things they say, and I've started to pull back because I'm tired of feeling dumb and like I care too much.

But yeah, it's nice when things do work out.

 

you're so Dedicated Carly Rae Jepsen made an album about you

 

Nah. If people make plans, they should stick to them!

Which is why I don't make plans. Can't disappoint people that I don't wanna go out on the weekends if I never promise anyone anything.

 

But let's be honest I dont have any friends, lol, so I can't disappoint.

 

I will say that this has been a nice few several days, mental health wise. Hope it keeps up.

 

Always good to hear in here that someone is doing/feeling better!