Mental Health Thread • Page 267

Urgh. Losing so much sleep over petty relationship concerns. I make my s/os central to my well-being and happiness. And it fucking ruins me. I’m constantly overanalysing every aspect of my relationships, anxiously spamming them with texts asking if things are okay and then just ultimately destroying the relationship one day at a time. Feel like a fucking alien. I can’t talk to anybody properly and express how I feel in fear of them being weirded out and leaving me. I don’t understand people and it’s terrifying.

 

Literally gonna lose my fucking mind because of work stress, financial stress, personal life stress. I’m 26 and not to be dramatic but I have not had a peaceful time in my life literally ever and I’m just starting to wonder why I try so hard when the universe is just going to smack me down every single time I try to be better.

 

I honestly don’t appreciate my dad trying to ask me about how my therapy session went. Like he’s asking about what we talked about and whether or not I discussed certain things and I feel like that’s an invasion of my privacy to ask. I know he means well (or seems to be) but as I told him, this is a process and it’s going to take time to figure shit out. I want to get better and not on someone else’s terms.

 

Life is hard. Like not even a particular circumstance because at least I have a job and roof over my head, but like... Just living day to day is tough. I don't think we're here for a reason like I think we're just random and pointless and I used to find that soothing because it takes a lot of pressure off, but lately it feels looming. I'm only 26 so I don't expect to have it all figured out, but I feel so unhappy and passionless. Even the things that make me happy only work for a brief time and even then I feel like there's always this underlying sadness. I always feel restless and unsettled and tired. I thrive off stability and knowing what I'm doing but I get antsy with repetition and it feels so pointless. I feel like I'm unhappy no matter what.

 

Man, all the political bullshit from this week is really dragging me under. This all just fucking sucks.

 

Warning gross anatomy things





I got my Foley catheter out today and no longer have a cath bag on my suprapubic catheter and OH my goddddd I feel like a new man. Amazing how much my mental outlook has improved just from that in the last 3 hours

 

I had an abortion a month ago. Safe to say that the news is triggering and absolutely horrific

 

Went to talk therapy for the first time today in years..been seeing a psych but I really don't think I need that, I know I need talk therapy. Since my bpd diagnosis they also want me to start this weekly dbt group program that lasts 12 weeks and as much as $60 a week for this, on top of seeing a psych/therapist 1-2x a month is so expensive, I know at this point I kind of have to make it work because the dbt therapy is what I need. I'm in a semi-vulnerable place and I want to actually gain skills to deal with the person that I am instead of stagnating for as long as I have. Like I already went through years and years of therapy about childhood trauma, I know what made me the person that I am - now it's like how do I deal with being that person? It might also be nice to be around people who also struggle with the same things that I have.

 

love you

 

Love you too, thank you for your support

 

Wasted today being unable to summon the energy to do much—wanted to but at the same time nothing sounded interesting. Took me until the afternoon to leave my bed. Did manage to exercise and shower and am finishing laundry. So not a total loss but definitely didn’t do anything fun today.

 

I completely sympathise with this. It’s the small things that count though! Small victories and all that. Not every day has to be a rollercoaster I figure :)

I managed to clean my apartment today after weeks of putting it off and feeling sorry for myself...followed by an intense argument with my girlfriend that seemingly came out of nowhere. Gonna spend the rest of the day sulking and wondering what I did wrong but at least I’ve got a clean apartment to come home to now. I’ve still got that be proud of.

 

True, I am proud I managed to do something, thank you. :)

Hopefully you and your girlfriend patch things up!

 

Thanks, I’m not sure if it’s a ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’ situation. I moved to Japan in March and I’m not sure I can last here much longer. Appreciate your comments though!

 

Oh, didn't intend for it to be that way necessarily, more just hope you two work through it quickly. That's a bummer that the move isn't working out, but brave to give it a try!

 

Ok I need to get srs about moving. Staying in PDX all weekend has just reminded me how much I hate where I live. I feel so much more comfortable and accepted here. I never realize just how anxious and paranoid I am in my small town until I leave it. It sounds so dramatic but I truly think if I continue living where I do that I'm not going to make it to 30. I'm so unhappy there and feel like I can never be happy, but when I leave I realize that I can be.

 

Oh no I know. Just venting haha. I’ve driven around crying to The 1975 for a couple hours. Calmer now.

Just really need to figure some stuff out. Feel like I’m losing my mind here, and my relationship is at the helm of it.

Thank you, it’s still pretty surreal I’m here. Never thought I’d ever even visit, let alone live here!

 

My dad told me he thinks I’ve got something with my photography. I know that’s silly to post but it means something to me to be told that, it was a big confidence boost.

 

yeah you're a fun person who likes to do stuff, financially I wish I could just live wherever but emotionally no fucking way

 

Lol aw thanks. I think I'd struggle being away from my nephew and would miss having my dad around but increasingly those things aren't enough to outweigh my deteriorating mental health. I'm always on alert in this town cause idk if I'll see someone I know or a client who hates me or my creepy ex. I love being in the western part of the state because the signs are about equality and love and acceptance whereas where I am they're all about Trump and OreGUNian. I love being able to go to the city and restaurants actually serve food I can eat and people are nice but not like fake small town nice. Idk. Financially it def freaks me out. I don't think I could afford PDX without a roommate but I'm thinking maybe a small coastal town

 

Update: after an excruciating day of being ignored and crying to myself, driving around aimlessly to depressing music and then getting drunk at home alone, she finally texts me this morning to let me know she’s constipated. Guess I’m in the clear. While she is not.

Apologies for the tmi - figured we could all use a laugh though. Keep smiling all!

 

Travel this week. I hate it, I hate it. I spend the days leading up to it being anxious, then struggle to sleep while on trip, plus I'm surrounded by people pretty much all the time on these trips. The shitty sleep is the worst. I need my bed and routine and without it, just toss and turn and bleh. So a pre-emptive "fuck this week."

 

Sorry to hear that, anxiety is the worst but I hope these cute animals help!

 

I got my Bachelors in Film and have worked in the entertainment industry for the last seven or eight years on various projects for various agencies. Sometimes I had fun, sometimes I wanted to cry, but now...my heart’s just not in it anymore. It’s been a long time coming but I’ve recently decided I am finished. The pay periods alone have been terribly stressful for my wife and I. For example, I started working the North American International Auto Show and the Los Angeles auto show in October, but I didn’t get paid for it until the beginning of March. It makes planning anything a real nightmare because money is just always tight and the hours come at you fast and loose and you never know when or where they’ll even be coming from. Could be a phone call tonight. Could be a phone call a month from now. Could be never.

I got a couple calls recently from some companies I’ve typically worked with, nice people, but I just didn’t have anything left to give. Saying no feels right, but it also hurts. When I was younger I thought this was all I wanted. Now I’m older and all I want is to spend time with my wife and kids. Every time I get on set the question from every person in every department is always “what is it you want to do?” and I used to have an answer. Now my answer is “I want to save enough money to build my son a cool Ikea hack bed I found online.” That’s how I want to spend my time now.

I’m vacillating right now between feeling like a failure and trying to be hopeful about the future. I’ve been applying to jobs outside my field for the last two months now and I’ve gotten no bites. I’ve just been applying to any places that have Administrative Assistant, Office Assistant, or Receptionist jobs open, but nothing’s happening. I mostly want to do something with my life and my time that helps people, something that makes a positive impact. I’ve always wanted to write, but that’s not something that’s going to generate income right now. I reached out to a friend who writes resumes and helps with job placement and she told me part of the problem is that my resume is just too focused, for some employers, on the film industry. I feel stuck. I feel like I wasted my time. What was the point of everything I’ve done over the last several years if none of it matters anymore? I don’t know what to do. I applied to a couple grocery stores, a Home Depot, and a movie theater just to supplement our income while we wait for someone, anyone, to give me a chance. I haven’t heard back from them yet either. I’m just feeling pretty defeated right now. I hate when my son sees me like this because I know he can sense it in me.

My therapist has had me trying Acceptance & Commitment Therapy for a while now and it does help with other things in my life, but I’m struggling right now to see through to the good in all of this. I guess I just thought I’d have things a little more figured out by now and it’s starting to get scary.

 

my sister was in film/tv for a few years and hated it because the hours were awful and she had to drive everywhere in LA, she pivoted and seems to like her job now and I hope you find something you like too, but yeah job hunting is soul crushing