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Mental Health Thread • Page 266

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. Kiana

    Anyway, don't be a stranger Prestigious

    Last two weeks have been super tough. I'm unhappy and I'm disappointed in myself. If there is one attribute I wish I had, is that I wish I was brave. When I don't think I've been brave I get really hard on myself. Every time I'm reminded that I still live in this town it's because I know I'm not being brave. I'm letting it hold me back and I feel like my life will always be on hold until I am brave enough to move. I'm just so tired. I'm physically tired and am tired of being unhappy.

    Shakriel likes this.
  2. Vase Full Of Rocks

    Trusted Supporter

    Got reamed out by a co-worker for not doing my work and not communicating. He's completely right. I used to work for another boss in the same company and I almost never did anything and if I did it had no impact on anything. Now that I'm expected to do something, I'm not sure I can. I haven't actually worked in so long. I've also convinced myself I'm a useless piece of shit that can't amount to anything.

    It's one of those days where I want to completely abandon my name, who I am and just move away. I fear that I'm exactly who I think I am: the exact person I complain about and hate. I don't believe I can change people's perceptions of me. I'm lazy. I'm a leech. Why bother?
  3. scroopy.noopers

    : (

    zoloft is fucking me up
    Shakriel likes this.
  4. personalmaps

    guppy Supporter

    We had a fire in our kitchen today (my boyfriend got some heated vegetable oil on a burner) and were extremely fortunate that only the stove and some knick knacks were damaged. But I had to barrel my cats into carriers and run them outside. We didn’t have renters insurance (signing up later today bc holy shit) but I had a full on meltdown panic attack on the sidewalk outside after the fire department confirmed it was fine and we weren’t in danger and I’m still feeling extremely shaky and upset. My boyfriend is doing a really good job of cleaning everything and handling me with kid gloves. But we could have lost everything, our cats could have been hurt, we could have ruined someone ELSE’s apartment and it just feels very existential and terrible.

    The very small upside is that our apartment manager replaced our oven within the hour but I just feel so bad and embarrassed. I know accidents happen but it is so embarrassing and also so scary.
  5. Shakriel

    I'm just so tired of thinking about everything Prestigious

    That would fuck me up. Glad everything is fine (for the most part) and no one is hurt!
  6. bigmike

    Trusted Prestigious

    I’m so glad that you, your boyfriend and your cats are okay.
    Mary V likes this.
  7. iCarly Rae Jepsen

    Oh goose Supporter

    glad y'all are okay

    but I get it like when you're in a minor car accident and it's like whoa that could have been way worse and what part do you actually play in it and how much is fate
  8. personalmaps

    guppy Supporter

    Thank you all!!! It’s definitely a “holy fuck we rly could have lost everything” reaction and I know we’re super lucky but it’s going to be a HOT minute before I want either of us to cook anything involvong oil.
  9. Kiana

    Anyway, don't be a stranger Prestigious

    I have always had ridic high anxiety about anything happening to my dad, and he's always been perfectly healthy. But I know if anything were to ever happen to him I'd lose it. I stress about getting a call that he was in an accident on his commute or an altercation gone wrong at his work or the victim of some white supremacist bs. Which like.... Isn't reasonable or productive. Recently he hurt his back and went to the ER and nobody told me and I've been a mess and a half. My dad doesn't go to the doctor for anything and the thought of him going to the ER is super upsetting. Yesterday I was in and out of his house and he was on the couch in the same spot every time and looked a lil stiff and I basically went off asking if his back was okay and he was like wtf back off. I need to chill. I feel like such an emotional and irrational mess lately and not like myself.
    summertimejesus, LWS and Shakriel like this.
  10. Jacob

    The sum of n from 1 to 36 is pretty metal Prestigious

    Watching myself become a worse and worse person. this is it.
  11. Kiana

    Anyway, don't be a stranger Prestigious

    I feel like the best way I can describe depression for me is that it takes me on average 2-3 hours to be motivated to do something i WANT to do, so imagine the struggle of something I'm indifferent to or don't want to do at all. Idek. I feel so off and I struggle to articulate it to a therapist. I'm paranoid she thinks I don't rly need to go as often as I do, but it's unbearable. I just suck at voicing that.
  12. personalmaps

    guppy Supporter

    This is so legitimate and it's the part of my depression I struggle with the most. This is maybe very dramatic, but I described it to my therapist as the part in The Bell Jar where Esther describes how the thought of having to take a shower and look presentable every single day is so endlessly exhausting that she'd rather just die and that seemed to get the point across fairly well. Although, fair warning, this did kick off an entire discussion about how if I was feeling like a character in a Sylvia Plath novel it might be a red flag, but I stressed that it was just a resonant description of my feeling, not that I was going to end up like Sylvia Plath.
    Shakriel, bigmike and Kiana like this.
  13. My work day is barely halfway done, and I feel exhausted already (probably slept like shit last night). I'm supposed to hang with a friend later, but I'm worried about feeling like shit and killing the mood. It sucks because I like hanging with friends. Sometimes plans end up falling on the worst day possible.
    bigmike likes this.
  14. ChaseTx

    Nuke the site from orbit. The only way to be sure Prestigious

    My daughter is 9 and all of a sudden she's having some very intense feelings and I'm so worried for her. She hasn't been sleeping well for the last couple months and has been showing a lack of interest in schoolwork and gymnastics and is starting to have emotional fits

    On Monday morning, she told me she threw up while I was walking the dog. That seemed suspicious and she clearly wasn't sick so I told her she was going to school. Then before we left she started crying, saying she didn't want to go to school because everyone makes fun of her. I probed a little bit and she said it was mainly one boy she's friends with that called her stupid.

    I talked to her teacher that day and let her know what happened and she said she and another teacher noticed my daughter wasn't acting like herself. They both talked to her and she said she was fine at first, but then at recess they asked again and she said she didn't have any friends (which I know isn't true, she goes to friends houses and vice versa all the time). Then right after that she started playing with some kids, the teacher talked to her again after school and it seemed like she was feeling better.

    Then tonight I came upstairs at midnight and she's awake and she immediately closes the door and tells me to knock if I need her. Of course I know something's up so a couple minutes later I open her door and she's doing something on her phone. I ask to see it and she physically fights to keep me from seeing it. So I ask what she was doing and she keeps saying she was just checking the time or closing an app. I can't get her to be honest with be so I tell her I'm worried about her and I love her and it makes me sad that she won't be honest. Then she starts crying and says she's a "dumb worthless person" which breaks my heart to hear. I ask her why she would say that and what's the matter. She asks me not to tell anyone and then all she'll say is she's been sad lately. I ask why and she says everyone makes fun of her. I tried to calm her down and reassure her everyone loves her and she's so smart etc. And I leave her alone & tell her no more phone

    I don't really know what to do. I feel sure I need to get her into therapy. Her mom has been having her take some kind of emotional therapy sessions with the pediatrician she uses, but she doesn't involve me in it other than telling me it's happening. That ended Monday anyway. My insurance kicks in in July so I can't really seek ongoing care for her myself until then. Although I guess I could with her mom if she'll cooperate.
    K0ta, GrantCloud, bigmike and 5 others like this.
  15. iCarly Rae Jepsen

    Oh goose Supporter

    Let me know if you need me to beat up a 9 year old bully

    I feel so bad for her and hope you figure this out, I wish I could help but I still haven't figured out how to cope with having been bullied
  16. personalmaps

    guppy Supporter

    She is being bullied worse than she is letting on. I went through something like this as a child, and it can be so devastating. She is going to need your support more than anything. It seems like you're working really hard to get through to her, which is amazing. Please try not to get frustrated or give up - there is so much pressure on young girls, and when their peers turn on them, it can get nasty.

    Try to make sure she has things outside of school to focus on - keep her in that gymnastics class, see if there's anything she'd be interested in trying out - reading group, music, local theater, plants, anything. Just try to keep it so that school isn't the only other place she has besides home and that she has engaging interests outside of that group of people. The best thing for her would be to find a community and friends that can help her through whatever is going on.

    Also, I can't imagine how bad being bullied would feel in the age of social media- you're doing the right thing by limiting her phone time. Don't invade her privacy by looking through her social media or anything, but keep an eye on how long she's spending on there and note any negative comments left by kids from her school. I would encourage her to turn off commenting all together if it helps.
    K0ta, mad, Shakriel and 4 others like this.
  17. ChaseTx

    Nuke the site from orbit. The only way to be sure Prestigious

    Yeah she isn't allowed social media and won't be for a few more years. And I want to keep her in gymnastics but she's asking to quit now. I'm going to talk to her and see if there's another group or team based activity for her.

    Her mom is keeping her home from school today, which I disagree with a lot. That's only going to reinforce the feeling that something is wrong with her. She does things like that a lot though. (I have primary custody but we share 50/50 time and she tries to direct me to do what she wants, like having Aeryn go to school near her rather than me). Apparently last night they had a long talk and after that her mom called me, put Aeryn on the phone and told her she was going to sit there and listen to her. Then Aeryn says she's sorry for getting physical with the phone thing and for lying but sometimes she feels uncomfortable with me?? Which it feels like she was coached or lead to saying that because I'm never anything less than supportive.

    I don't know what to do really. I think we need to put her in counseling or maybe it needs to be family counseling with the three of us
    Shakriel likes this.
  18. Kiana

    Anyway, don't be a stranger Prestigious

    Whaaat you have primary custody?? By the way u talk I thought she did smh. Smh at her not you lol. Hope you get it figured out. I remember being a depressed kid and just wanting someone to notice and talk to me, even if i would say otherwise. My most special memories are not even talking about my ~feelings or whatever, but when my dad would take me to do something I loved and we wouldn't take about me or my depression but It made me feel like someone really knew and was thinking of me. It sounds like you're doing something similar so keep it up! I can't even imagine when it feels on the other side of it
    LWS and Shakriel like this.
  19. ChaseTx

    Nuke the site from orbit. The only way to be sure Prestigious

    Thanks! Being an active parent is what I put most of my energy into. With how this week's been I've felt like I'm failing at it
    SlappinCups likes this.
  20. iCarly Rae Jepsen

    Oh goose Supporter

    not at all, you realized something was up immediately and you're working to fix it, you're a great dad
    I get it's more you want to protect your bb
    K0ta and SlappinCups like this.
  21. xapplexpiex

    the past is a grotesque animal Supporter

    I just want to be normal.
    LWS likes this.
  22. Kiana

    Anyway, don't be a stranger Prestigious

    I hear ppl say that guilt is a useless emotion but idk how to not feel guilty all the time. I feel guilty for everything. In turn I feel like I'm undeserving of many things that I have. I have no right to them. I am no better. It's difficult to grapple with that shame. I feel like the biggest con to committing suicide is the thought that loved ones may feel guilty or responsible which is enough to not do it. But sometimes I wish I could just die in my sleep unexpectedly. It would still be painful for some ppl who know me but a random accident instead of a cautionary tale. Idk. I feel like I'm always having an existential crisis. There's no point to anything which I used to be fine with but now I find exhausting. I feel destined to repetition.
    bigmike, Mary V and LWS like this.
  23. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    Today is the day. D(ick) Day. Waiting for an IV now.

    My father did a good job yesterday of asking many invasive questions, including one about my and Gina's sex life. He was slurring his words from the first moment he spoke. I could have done without that but he feels quite entitled and gets defensive when he doesn't get his way.

    Both of my parents equate gender and genitals too ("tomorrow my little girl becomes a boy"), as it turns out. They still think daughter instead of child or son. I was hoping nearly 3 years into my transition that they'd have made the mental switch. Nope!

    I can't even process most of this because I'm focused on surgery. Something fun for recovery at home lol
  24. Shakriel

    I'm just so tired of thinking about everything Prestigious

    I hope the surgery goes well and congratulations!
    BirdPerson likes this.
  25. congrats @BirdPerson on your d day! hope the surgery goes well
    BirdPerson likes this.
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Hi Guest! This is our yearly pitch about becoming a supporting member. If 90 people sign up we'll hit our yearly goals. It's basically 7 cents a day and you can get rid of all the shitty ads on the forum.