Mental Health Thread • Page 248

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by AelNire, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. Petit nain des Îles

    Golden Hour Supporter

    I never know if I just had bad luck with friendships, but most of them had the same patterns. I'd have a social circle around people who just pretend to be best friends to your face, then take advantage of my "niceness" (their words), start petty drama behind my backs and make insensitive criticisms, though they're aware of my mental health issues. Like, sorry I can't always manage to go out at a bar or at a club three to four times a week as it triggers my anxiety, have/had University homework, and barely have money to survive. Thanks for calling me an entitled asshole if I say "no" to something. It's like I always had to act like a well off extravert or else I'd be seen as a bummer by them. I distanced myself from them afterwards, I couldn't stand feeling like everything was always my fault. Sadly, I basically stopped doing social activities at the same time.

    Now I do have a very few friends I talk on a regular basis, but we all coincidentally got our own jobs lately, so I'm not able to see them that much anymore. All week along I'm looking forward to the weekend, yet I spend the latter on the internet as plans get cancelled or delayed, unless my brother comes visit. I feel so lonely but hopefully I get my driver license soon enough to get out of this isolated town. I want to start hanging around queer places so bad. There might be a difference in terms of fitting in, common interests, and feeling like I'm in a safer environment. Who knows.
     
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  2. DarkHotline

    Anthony Prestigious

    I spent the past few hours in bed after work because I didn’t want to get up, just keep thinking bad thoughts.
     
  3. how is it that my best friends planned an amazing day full of fun stuff for my bday celebrations but I still find myself crying about how unlovable I feel??? my brain makes no goddamn sense I hate it
     
  4. rebecca

    Regular

    This is going to be a jumbled mess.

    I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to besides mental health professionals and my parents to an extent. I feel like a burden every time I try, even if maybe nobody thinks of me that way. I worry that people will think I just want sympathy when actually sympathy makes me feel weak. On a rational level I know people care about me but I can't fully believe it because I don't care about myself at all. I wonder how much of my shame over my bipolar disorder comes from society's stigma and how much of it just comes from me. I wonder how much of my low self-esteem comes from people putting me down - I can't get over certain memories where people either outright called me stupid or made me feel that way in other ways, I can't get over feeling stupid because of certain Asperger's symptoms I have, and I know some of it probably comes from me too. I'm not resilient at all because I hold onto the worst of my memories and I have so much trouble getting over them. I'd love to take a pill to forget half my memories. Some are fragmented, but they still exist. I feel like so many people move on from memories more easily than I do and I think it affects my recovery.

    I also hate that "being crazy" makes people doubt your perception of reality. I read it's normal to misremember some details of trauma, but I do remember a lot of it, which as I said earlier is probably a lot of my problem.
     
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  5. sophos34

    Prestigious Prestigious

    why does it seem like money is the source of all my problems
     
  6. xapplexpiex

    I am nobody Prestigious

    Same for me too. If I had enough to live comfortably, I wouldn’t be so anxious about just getting by or having something to eat.
     
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  7. sophos34

    Prestigious Prestigious

    my best friend is visiting this weekend and it’s really dampening my enjoyment having to be careful about what we go and do
     
  8. xapplexpiex

    I am nobody Prestigious

    cheap Taco Bell is my best friend lately. And dollar tree.
     
  9. sophos34

    Prestigious Prestigious

    Me and my gf spent 47 at dollar tree the other day and are set on a looooot of shit we needed for a while AND we got tons of Christmas decorations
     
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  10. RyanPm40 Dec 2, 2018
    (Last edited: Dec 2, 2018)
    RyanPm40

    The best goddamn bird lawyer in the world. Supporter

    Feeling really hopeless right now. I have an autoimmune disorder that causes chronic inflammation in addition to a bunch of other respiratory and neurological problems that gets triggered by certain environmental factors such as mold. I actually had to move out of a dorm in college because it was water damaged and I got to the point where the school nurse thought I had asthma despite never having an issue in my life.

    Fast forward to now, I had been doing so much better, until my job moved me to a new building. Within a couple of hours, I feel horrible. Dizzy, exhausted, congested, itchy eyes, reduced lung capacity and pain taking deep breaths. I continue to feel like crap until maybe Sunday, and then rinse, dry and repeat when I'm back in work Monday. Beyond depressed and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to ask my boss to let me transfer to the old building or allow me to work from home full time. But you can't really prove mold easily (only like 2 labs in the country are accurate about it) so I worry such a large company would just want to get rid of me.

    I just want to be fucking normal for once. I grew up with everyone telling me I was crazy. I went undiagnosed with Lyme disease for 7-8 years, with nobody ever believing me. And even when I had a diagnosis, people thought I was milking it because I "look normal". With a history of doctors, friends and even family not believing me, I just don't trust that anyone will ever believe my medical issues. I really enjoy my job and this whole situation sucks.

    We've had other issues this month too. They're mostly small, normal stuff, but when it's all happening at once, it's really overwhelming.

    My girlfriend'scar died, I worked for weeks to sell it and help her get a new one, I got kicked off my parents health insurance finally so had to go through the headache of figuring that out for the first time. I also have scoliosis and have had a lot of back pain over the past few years, and my father recently offered me his old couch. I was beyond excited to finally get rid of my old piece of shit couch. Now it turns out that I can't sit on it for more than 5 mins without being in pain for the rest of the day. Totally regret donating the old one. Now I can't even hang out in the room I just set up all my Christmas decorations in lol

    Idk, seems silly to bitch about these other things, but again, I'm just so overwhelmed. Idk. My therapist who I've been seeing for years doesn't take my new insurance either, so that's currently fucking me up too. I'm just afraid to find a new one since I have this established relationship with my current one, and she's really sweet and understanding. I haven't felt this depressed in years, and have cried with my girlfriend multiple times in the past few weeks, which is rare; I hadn't cried since like 4 years ago when my cat went missing.

    Wow, long post. Sorry for that.
     
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  11. KramerOsborn

    I'm probably avoiding responsibilities right now. Supporter

    I love this thread. As someone with Mental health struggles (Diagnosed Bipolar II), it's great to see so many people together being supportive of one another. Keep doing what you guys are doing, community. Long time lurker and I love you guys :heart:
     
  12. Kiana

    You look like bad news, I gotta have you Prestigious

    Today I was listening to the angsty throwback songs of my youth and it got me kind of wistful thinking about when I was young and didn't know what was ahead. and I wouldn't say I was ambitious in the way I felt like I could do anything, but my life path didn't feel determined at that point. I thought maybe I'd end up in some apartment in the city playing in a band (which is hilarious cuz I can't play an instrument) or heck, even dead, but I didn't know anything. My life now feels just more set. Which I feel like should give me comfort, but it makes me a little sad. I know you can always change where your life is going and people make career changes and things all the time. It's not that I'm even unhappy with what I chose, it's just that it feels more confining now somehow and that makes me a little sad. like as a teen it gave me a lot of anxiety and stress not knowing anything that was ahead or what my life course was at all, but it was sort of mysterious at the same time and I miss not knowing sometimes. It was terrifying and confusing but also had more possibility
     
  13. KramerOsborn

    I'm probably avoiding responsibilities right now. Supporter


    I completely understand this feeling. I often think about when I was younger and how life was just one unknown adventure in a way. Now I’m 27, work a desk job, pay lots of bills, etc. I have stable income and that’s rad but I’m not even near the person I imagined I’d be by the time I was almost 30. When I was younger, I used to make more spontaneous decisions. Now everything is laid out and predictable. I kind of feel trapped because I don’t have the energy to chase dreams but my life isn’t necessarily bad. it’s just predictable and I’m kind of unhappy with that because that “wonder” was such a huge part of who I was.
     
  14. rebecca

    Regular

    Why do I feel 100x more ashamed now that I found out I have bipolar disorder type 1 instead of type 2? I mean, it really doesn't matter much, the stigma is fairly equal.

    My grandmother never talks about being bipolar, she has it well-managed so she has never even shown signs of it. My uncle goes off his meds all the time and his symptoms are very visible. My father has been on an epilepsy medication since he was a teenager that treats bipolar disorder too, and when he had to switch meds he experienced psychosis, now it's mostly managed again but he still gets manic sometimes so they think he could be bipolar as well. It's just interesting seeing how everyone in my family has a different experience with it.

    And this March will mark ten years that I've been experiencing mixed episodes. I don't understand why my disorder has been so hard to treat.

    I know nobody is "normal" but I still wish I could be more "normal."
     
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  15. Carmen SD

    Regular

    For some reason the holidays always make me really depressed. More than usual. I guess because growing up I never had the typical "holiday experience". It was a toxic environment which created a bunch of mental health issues for me. Can't wait for the holidays to be over
     
  16. Mary V

    love it if we made it Supporter

    The holiday season is a really difficult time for me as well, albeit for different reasons. You’re not alone
     
  17. RyanPm40

    The best goddamn bird lawyer in the world. Supporter

    I used to love the holidays, and now I just get anxiety leading up to it and then can't wait for them to be over.

    I just hate bouncing around between families, especially since my parents are separated, so we do both sides of mine and then my girlfriend's, despite 2 out of 3 families living an hour away. I can never enjoy myself, I'm just constantly worrying about being at the next place at a reasonable time so people don't get upset with me. But then I also worry about the current family I'm with being upset at me for not being there long enough. Idk.

    Told my girlfriend this is the last year I can handle doing this and we're gonna try just doing one of our families every other year.

    It's also tough because my grandfather only has a couple more years in him, so I hate not being able to spend more time there over the holidays. Everytime I see him he makes a joke about how much weight he's losing and then I feel sad and don't know how to respond because I know it's most likely due to him being sick :/
     
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  18. Carmen SD

    Regular

    My anxiety level is high right now. I never received anything for my new hire insurance benefits and they never told me anything on how to enroll/check. Well I started the job at the end of open enrollment and picked up a packet to see what they offer for when I'm eligible for my new hire benefits and I just found it to see the website, and I had 7 days left! to enroll. I was told I was eligible the 1st of this month, and you have 31 days to do so, so how was I almost out of time? It clearly states 1st of the month following 60 days of employment. So it almost screwed me over because it started a few weeks ago. Anyway my anxiety is high because I'm worried my benefits will run out? Like because I just missed open enrollment that I'm just covered for the rest of this month or would I be covered until next year? My last job was the same thing, I was hired at the end of open enrollment and enrolled in new hire benefits which happen to start the first of the year but this one doesn't. I need to enroll in alternative benefits before the deadline if this one isn't kept. Also again, I never received anything in the mail or email about any sort of benefit enrollment and the only thing I received was 401k
     
  19. sophos34

    Prestigious Prestigious

    second therapy session was really great as well. she’s helping me come up with ways to make this Christmas great for me since I’m not going home and am gonna be home sick.

    aside from that, im silently struggling big time. even when you’re clean the addiction still runs your thoughts constantly. it’s hard to explain.
     
  20. rebecca

    Regular

    I feel like I'm being gaslighted (or is it gaslit?) by my psychiatrist and sometimes my therapist too but looking for new ones right now would be complicated. Especially with my psychiatrist since he's tapering me off some drugs to add a new one.

    Does anyone else feel like they've had very irresponsible psychiatrists? I'm trying Valproic Acid again and my current psychiatrist said I have to go off Lamictal first because they have a bad interaction, but the last one who prescribed it to me had me on Lamictal too. Another psychiatrist told me that my antidepressants could contribute to my mixed episodes, but I was the one who had to ask if I could go off them after I did more research and had finally had enough of the mixed episodes which were much worse before. It's really early and IDK if any of that made sense.
     
  21. rebecca

    Regular

    I felt stupid my whole life because I have Asperger's but didn't know it & I missed a lot of classes because I got Fibromyalgia at a young age, & other people who feel stupid for various reasons picked up on that insecurity of mine & outright called me stupid and/or said things to make me feel stupid & it's just a fucking vicious cycle that I wish everyone could get out of. Sorry for the run-on.

    And the more I think about it I realize probably nobody thinks I'm as stupid as I do, that's why my brain keeps replaying these memories and torturing myself.

    I also keep thinking about how everyone who was abusive of me was abused as a child in some way or even witnessed violence and that is not an excuse but I know we'd all be so much better off if child abuse wasn't so normalized.
     
  22. CarpetElf

    it tastes bad Prestigious

    woooooo anxiety
     
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  23. CarpetElf

    it tastes bad Prestigious

    medication works great for depression. so great that my anxiety is no longer held back by my depression.
     
  24. KramerOsborn

    I'm probably avoiding responsibilities right now. Supporter

    I’m feeling this vibe a lot recently.
     
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  25. sophos34

    Prestigious Prestigious

    people on this website really get off on making other people feel bad about themselves and who they support
     
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