Mental Health Thread • Page 246

I think a lot of my anxiety stems from always having jobs that involve clients hating me just for the nature of what I do, and im v John Mulaney where I just need everyone around me to like me so much, and the fact that people don't (even tho it's not personal) makes me extremely anxious.


Like today I left work and was feeling okay and then randomly a tear dropped and then I almost started full on crying and idek why really? I wasn't actively upset about anything specific but idk I just think that anxiety is difficult for me.

 

I feel like the key to fixing my self esteem is to stop comparing myself to others but I don’t know how to do that

 

My hairline has receded and hair thinned out, seemingly over a few days. I noticed the hairline a month ago but woke up Thanksgiving morning and was shocked at the state of my hair. This and a few issues at work has been enough to trigger my depression and manic state again, just when I thought I was feeling better. I had such thick hair and now it's thin and flat, and I can see my scalp. I don't look good with a buzzcut, let alone a shaved head. It sounds like such a small problem, but I honestly feel hopeless.

 

Having a receding hairline is one of things that I hate the most concerning my body, I relate to the struggles. A doctor told me once that losing hair could be stress and depression related, so I'm working on that but it's so frustrating anyway. Never been able to have a satisfying hairstyle (outside the period in high school where people compared me to Justin Bieber or Oli Sykes lol)... the way my hair grows is just so all over the place.

 

I’ve been doing really well mentally for the past month or so....I felt some creeping sadness as my bday is soon and thinking about my age often triggers bad/anxious thoughts
then I just saw someone I didn’t expect to like.. ever see again and it’s kinda sent me spiraling

 

I've been off track with my Prozac doses over the past month or so. Some weeks I take it everyday, some weeks I miss 2 doses, some even 3 or 4. I've noticed a difference and I don't like it.

 

seeing a therapist for the first time today. nervous. also lots of shit going south in my life. parents hate me and are about to cut every last bit of money they spend on me. they care more about that than whether or not I’m doing okay

 

This makes me sad. I'm so sorry your parents are being asses. But i'm glad you're going to see someone! I really hope things get better.

 

@sophos34 good luck at your first appointment, hope your therapist is a good one

 

holy shit I fucking love this therapist she’s so awesome and so understanding of my drug problem in a way no one else has ever been

 

I just talked to my dad I think things are better now

 

That is good to hear!

 

man I'm just feeling really mad right now at how badly our education system failed me. absolutely zero mental health education and when I started showing super obvious signs of depression in high school my teachers didn't do shit. my experience at university was about 10x worse cuz it cost money. really living up to my username right now

 

I feel this. I wasn't a great student in high school. Got it together in college, but every now and then during a depressive episode I remember that's how I felt all the time in high school. I can't even imagine doing research for a project when I could barely do simple tasks like eat. Schools definitely need to learn how to deal with students' mental health better

 

this is great to hear, it's amazing what a good therapist can do.

 

This is reassuring to read! People often underestimate how terrifying therapy can be at first.

 

If you feel it was abusive, then that's very legitimate, you are the one to decide what is abusive ultimately. If you were completely transparent with him about what makes you uncomfortable and anxious (which it seems like you were?) and he kept doing it then that is not right when it comes to a relationship. I am a very very jokey guy and probably take too many things as a joke but when a s/o told me something made them feel uncomfortable I stopped instantly and genuinely apologized. This guy sounds semi-toxic and definitely immature. My best advice is stay open about what you are feeling with people you trust (even a therapist). Locking it up in our head and ruminating about it is the absolute worst thing to do.

 

I just stalked the Instagram of a childhood friend and for whatever reason it freaked me out. us and another friend were best friends through elementary but when middle School hit and I started going through depression i pulled apart. They wanted me to cope by going to church with them and I felt like they didn't get me and we naturally drifted. I still see them once in awhile but they ended up becoming best friends for life and going through similar life phases together like being moms and getting married so i drifted further. I still live in the same town as one of them but we never hang out. sometimes we run into each other in public or something

anyway so I'm stalking one of their Instagrams and it's weird to see them taking these pictures together and they're still close and she has a mommy blog and it weirds me out thinking about how I used to be close to these people and now they're still close and I just never fit in and I don't really know them at all anymore. and I know it's normal to drift away after time but i just feel like it highlights that I never quite fit in with any friend group and never felt like I belonged or was that close to anybody. They're like going to Cabo and having mommy blogs and raising their kids, and I'm driving to Portland to see concerts and working basically and that's it. And I don't want their lives, but sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to truly fit in with them and if that would have affected the rest of my life. Like what does it feel like to have that long-term supportive friendship where you grow together and have things in common and have someone who's going through what you are cuz I've never had that

tl;dr having a quarter life crisis

 

I can 100% identify, @Kiana, definitely know you are not alone there. I feel like my depression/anxiety over the years has just alienated my closest friends to the point where people just stopped reaching out to me, and then I see them in photos on Instagram together and it's just.. weird.

Even though I am in a romantic relationship, I sometimes feel sad to know I don't have these long-term supportive friends anymore if something ever were to happen between me and my girlfriend, because then I truly would be alone, without even friends to vent to if a bad breakup ever were to occur.

Unfortunately I don't know of a solution, but it does help me to a point knowing that I'm not alone in those feelings and I hope it does on some level for you, too

 

It is never too far removed to reach back out to people you want to have in your life, if you decide to go that route. While it may feel that way, @RyanPm40, you can absolutely reach out to said friends if need be.

 

thanks! It is helpful. I think the hard part for me is I don't even want to necessarily rekindle those relationships I just feel like I'm floating between people and never really forming any sort of meaningful connection. I'm trying to put myself out there more just like with friends and doing more things but I always feel like I'm just awkward and not fitting in and it ends up making me feel depressed in a whole different way

 

I never know if I just had bad luck with friendships, but most of them had the same patterns. I'd have a social circle around people who just pretend to be best friends to your face, then take advantage of my "niceness" (their words), start petty drama behind my backs and make insensitive criticisms, though they're aware of my mental health issues. Like, sorry I can't always manage to go out at a bar or at a club three to four times a week as it triggers my anxiety, have/had University homework, and barely have money to survive. Thanks for calling me an entitled asshole if I say "no" to something. It's like I always had to act like a well off extravert or else I'd be seen as a bummer by them. I distanced myself from them afterwards, I couldn't stand feeling like everything was always my fault. Sadly, I basically stopped doing social activities at the same time.

Now I do have a very few friends I talk on a regular basis, but we all coincidentally got our own jobs lately, so I'm not able to see them that much anymore. All week along I'm looking forward to the weekend, yet I spend the latter on the internet as plans get cancelled or delayed, unless my brother comes visit. I feel so lonely but hopefully I get my driver license soon enough to get out of this isolated town. I want to start hanging around queer places so bad. There might be a difference in terms of fitting in, common interests, and feeling like I'm in a safer environment. Who knows.

 

I spent the past few hours in bed after work because I didn’t want to get up, just keep thinking bad thoughts.

 

how is it that my best friends planned an amazing day full of fun stuff for my bday celebrations but I still find myself crying about how unlovable I feel??? my brain makes no goddamn sense I hate it

 

This is going to be a jumbled mess.

I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to besides mental health professionals and my parents to an extent. I feel like a burden every time I try, even if maybe nobody thinks of me that way. I worry that people will think I just want sympathy when actually sympathy makes me feel weak. On a rational level I know people care about me but I can't fully believe it because I don't care about myself at all. I wonder how much of my shame over my bipolar disorder comes from society's stigma and how much of it just comes from me. I wonder how much of my low self-esteem comes from people putting me down - I can't get over certain memories where people either outright called me stupid or made me feel that way in other ways, I can't get over feeling stupid because of certain Asperger's symptoms I have, and I know some of it probably comes from me too. I'm not resilient at all because I hold onto the worst of my memories and I have so much trouble getting over them. I'd love to take a pill to forget half my memories. Some are fragmented, but they still exist. I feel like so many people move on from memories more easily than I do and I think it affects my recovery.

I also hate that "being crazy" makes people doubt your perception of reality. I read it's normal to misremember some details of trauma, but I do remember a lot of it, which as I said earlier is probably a lot of my problem.