Mental Health Thread • Page 244

today is my my first wedding anniversary since the divorce. It would have been 4 years, which I know isn't super long compared to most. It honestly wasn't really on my radar until I looked at the date and it looked familiar for some reason. That's a testament to how fucking quickly she checked out and took off, leaving me with like a week to process everything before she was gone for good. So I had no choice but to move right the fuck on as fast as possible.

I don't miss her today, I miss the companionship. I honestly can't remember what we did last year for our anniversary, or even the year before. Didn't think it would bother me, but it's so far removed from where I thought I would be. I've had an ok day, making sure to spend time/talk to people that I value so as to keep my mind off of things.

 

When I think about my future I can't rly picture one which feels depressing. Like not even older version of me hanging out with an older version of my nephew. I can't picture anything at all. And maybe that's normal but for some reason it's bumming me out rn.

 

i can relate to that. Like I certainly won't/can't be at the same job I am now, but I'm not currently doing anything to change it. I constantly doubt if I'll end up in any long term relationship. I'll live with my daughter til I'm 40 but I'm gonna have to move into a bigger place eventually... It's a lot to think about and it stresses me out

 

Lol at least it's not just me! Thank gawd a job interview has never asked me where I see myself in five years or whatever. I have a career type job and I guess that's my future. I know I don't wanna live here and I'm trying to build up my savings but idk even tho I am fortunate enough to sorta have options I'm still like.... Meh future.

 

According to my therapist you don't need to be able to envision a future for yourself

 

Something I struggle with is a discrepancy between wanting to be social in a general sense and not feeling like I'm even capable of it. Like I want attention and wish I were someone who got invited out to things, someone that people text just to chat, wanting to make friends and feel more involved with the friends I have. But then when people try and talk to me, I have nothing to say or am often even annoyed to be bothered. Basically I want to be social and well-liked but I'm bad at it and I'm unmotivated and I feel like it gets in the way of a lot of things for me.

 

i feel this. the main issue for me is i do well at keeping up with a social circle for a while, and then i get invited to too many things by that circle too regularly, and when i take a rest and turn a couple of things down i get left out of the loop after that

 

I worry that I'm just bad enough at being friendly/conversational that people don't want to involve me a lot of the time

I should probably go to therapy for stuff like this but $40 copay is a lot to pay for an hour of talking

 

I do this exact thing and my therapist was like... Welp lol. I think I've always wanted just so badly to be an extrovert but I'm not not and I can't change that about myself. Like deep down ill always be an introvert. I want a close friend group and to feel liked and like people genuinely wanna hang with me and not be like a backup or an afterthought. But I clam up and get awkward and silent and often overwhelmed in social groups. I always want to hide out and be alone and avoid eye contact. But if I'm not invited to things or not included I take it extremely personally, even tho logically it's prob cause I don't open myself up to things like that. But I beat myself up like there's something wrong with me and I just don't fit in with other humans lol sigh.

 

it's a bad recipe because I get jealous of my friends for being closer to other friends. It's a bad look

plus i feel like my introversion makes me really bad at job interviews and a lot of jobs in general

 

i've never been able to do this - at any age.

i remember in 9th grade we had a write a paper about what we wanted to be when we grew up and i didn't turn one in because i couldn't write anything. i couldn't picture myself at 18, 21, 25, 30, 35, 65. i couldn't envision me as a doctor, rock star, teacher, truck driver, etc. and i still can't.

as i saw in your next post you're thankful you don't get asked those types of questions in interviews - WTF. i get asked that IN EVERY SIX MONTH REVIEW AT WORK! and i always say the same thing, "i have no idea. i don't even know how i got here." and it's true. if you would have told me two years ago that i would be working in Marketing I would have shrugged and said, okay, sure". just like seven years ago if someone said i would be in law / worker's compensation. i can't picture me doing this job in five years but i can't picture ME in five years, like... doing anything. me at 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 etc seems impossible and not like in a "i'm gonna die before then!" way, but just like my brain can't picture it kind of way. which is weird because i can sit and space out and imagine anything

 

Lol yeah I try not to show it but I can get bitter and resentful af tho deep down I think I know I'm mad at myself and not my friends. Like even when they blow me off I tend to think it's something with me like I'm not important enough

Yeah I think that's how I am too. I've never rly had ambitions to do a certain thing. At my last job people would ask me if I wanted to be the education manager and I honestly had no desire to move up. I guess I've always preferred being in the field and doing the nitty gritty then like advancing and becoming a supervisor, which I think can come off like a lack of initiative but... Shrug

I remember being so weirded out when I became an adult because I couldn't picture myself not as a kid or youth. I felt like I'd be one forever even tho logically I knew I wouldn't be

 

OCD is the worst and I’m really tired of people treating it like a fun little personality trait

 

Fucking this.

 

THIS!! "Oh, i'm so OCD". You're not, you're a tad tidy.

 

I’ve officially hit rock bottom but I’m trying my best to get back up while I still can

 

Got a call from the Trans Health Coordinator up at Lyon Martin. My phallo letter is done and was sent to the urologist's office and they are mailing me a copy. So then I can send a copy to the microsurgeon's office. For those keeping track, I had my assessments done at the beginning of August and last week of August. And it's the middle of November now. The backlog is real

 

Dealing with a pretty bad mental health spell rn. Nothing has really changed in my life of late, but I'd been having a pretty good year to this point all things considered and that definitely is not the case right now. Been going through a shitty OCD episode (I've never been officially diagnosed but this is in line with many, many episodes I've had in previous years across a wide variety of topics) and just feeling a general sense of depersonalization and unease. I feel like part of it may be seasonally charged as it's just now in the past week or so gotten fuckin' cold in the Midwest but I've never really had SAD symptoms before so idk?

TL;DR fuck brains man, you can't trust em

 

Long time no see, mental health thread.
I've since gotten a job in my field, and I've been seeing a therapist to talk out my emotional states every other week after work.
Sometimes I still feel that downward spiral, but my therapist helps me talk it out and figure out how to handle these thoughts.

I just wish that my brother could find the same kind of help, but his experiences with therapy have not been positive for him to continue, but I'm going to keep trying to help him get the same help he needs.

 

How fucked up it is that in France, it has only been three years since a law was put in place so that a legal tutor can be sued for financially abusing his family. It blows my mind that this wasn't the case before because of a family immunity law, that seems to have been removed (edit: or not, but slightly modified... damn this is all confusing and discouraging) due to that change. At least it looks like I might have a chance if I start seeking legal action... "if" because it will ironically brings me money and more anxiety on top of my daily struggles. This dilemma makes me feel useless. Perhaps I could rather break free from my parents and just walk away definitely without looking back as advised by my therapist, but there's a part of me who wants justice. It's just unfair to have to live with all the trauma while my oppressor doesn't care and will go on without any consequences.

In more positive news, I got my first pay since last year, and though I have to be so careful to change and hide my financial information at home, I'm happy about myself. It's a small step in this long journey into recovering and becoming an independent adult. In the meantime, I know reddit is bad etc. but reading the raisedbynarcissists sub relieves me a little, as well as working on music.

So yay, another rant from me. I have to be patient for a little while I'm building my future. Here's to another week.

 

I don't know, it just came to mind as I keep hearing it, but the "respect your elders" mantra is such a damaging concept that needs to be deconstructed.

 

I wish I knew how to be kinder to myself. I am beating myself up for spending too much money and eating too much junk and not going to the gym enough and it's making me so anxious. Even self care doesn't feel like self care because it costs money usually which then continues the cycle of beating myself up. I need to give myself grace and keep trying my best, but it's tough when I try to start every week new and fresh and just keep letting myself down.

 

Also I wouldn't care at all if I didn't celebrate Xmas. I rly don't like it. I have a tacky fake tree cause my friend thought I needed one and bought it for me, but otherwise I'm just not festive. I think movies always make the day seem so magical but when it turns out just a day like any other idk I get rly depressed and withdrawn. Even as a kid I'd get like overwhelmed and sometimes withdraw and just feel weird internally. It almost feels like it'd be better just to treat it like a normal day and not celebrate so then there's no let down.

 

I feel this - especially getting overwhelmed, withdrawn and feeling weird internally. Then the guilt that I’m not enjoying such a glorious day and need to escape. I’m particularly worried about Christmas this year since my boyfriend will be here and I’m so irritable and withdrawn that time of year. My family really help me but I don’t want to take anything out on him, when he’s travelling so far to spend Christmas with me

 

Aw I'm glad you get to spend it with your bf. I hope he helps make the day better. I'm sure he'll be understanding if you get get depressed. Depression can get u even if ur surrounded by the ppl u love and I bet he understands cause he cares about u!