Mental Health Thread • Page 243

damn are you ok? that's really scary and I'm sorry that happened to you

 

I've done something similar and it's scary how one second you can feel wide awake and the next you're nodding off. I think it's easy to assume we would never fall asleep while driving but if it's been a long day and you finally have a chance to sit and rest your legs and it's nice and warm and you can lean your head on the back rest it's easy for that to change quickly. I'm glad you're okay! It's a scary reminder to recognize our limits. What matters most is you're safe. You'll figure out a way to pay for the damage or pay for a new car, but there's only one you!

 

My Seasonal Affective Disorder when it's dark at 4:30

 

today is a day where i feel it would be easier to not exist rather than be me, a pre-phalloplasty trans man

thanks brain

 

I'm glad you exist even though life sucks

 

thank you all for your concern. I am somehow ok besides being sore and a headache that seems to be going away. The only real damage happened to my car which is probably most likely done so that sucks. Everyone told me to lift my head up and take this as a learning experience so I guess that’s how I’m going to see it is as. The

 

My family has always been the most important thing to me, but I’ve been slowly isolating my self from them. It’s killing me, but I’m disappointed in myself, and I don’t like being around anybody at all anymore. It kills me that this applies to my family too.

 

I feel like complete and total shit last couple of days and the going has truly gotten tough. Pretty sure I'm going to fail the last class I need to get my associates degree, which has taken me 6 years so far. I don't have a job or any other responsibilities. I feel like a fucking pathetic loser. I feel like I can't do anything right. I've been given opportunity after opportunity and have dropped the ball 100% of the time. I just don't have the energy, interest or motivation to get anything done, including school.

The only good news I have is that I'm seeing a new psychiatrist tomorrow. I think it might be worth suggesting that my diagnosis of depression is inaccurate and it could be Persistent Depressive Disorder or some other kind of treatment resistant depression. I have been at this too damn long to see damn near no results.

 

Mike I get in these ruts a lot, this is probably cliche advice but just set small goals man. We tell ourselves nothing will help but we don't give ourselves a shot. Find a part time job, idle time sucks. Finding a job imo could work wonders for your motivation and well being. Going to a psychiatrist is good as well, just be transparent with her. I used to fall victim to thinking medication was going to be a miracle pill, but it isn't. I need to kick my ass in gear as well. So set some small goals, like real small and commit. I know your mind is going to tell you it won't make a difference but it DOES. You're a great dude, give yourself a shot.

 

setting small goals has been instrumental in my recovery, @oldjersey speaks the truth

 

How small? Give me some examples. Yeah I totally need to find a job, I'm not sold on if it will help but I don't think it really matters.

 

So a goal like apply for 5 jobs. The next day or two, follow up call the places you applied to (I help people get jobs who stay at my treatment center, follow up calls are huge.) Also, maybe eating one healthy meal a day, or just generally looking at how you can improve your eating slightly. Maybe another one is to dip back into a hobby you used to have.

Our minds are the most powerful things in the world. The problem with that is that it does not always tell us the truth. The truth is if you do some credible things to improve your life you will feel better, but your mind will tell you it is an absolute waste of time and nothing will help, that thought is a LIE. Do not listen to it.

 

right now the goals I’m setting for myself are things like:
- buy groceries
- cook supper rather than getting take out
- say thank you to at least 3 people
- pick up at least 10 items from my bedroom floor

and crossing them off the list feels amazing. if you’re like me and self-motivating is damn near impossible, you have to start with small stuff, it gives you momentum to eventually add bigger more long term goals to your list. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it a couple times but I also make a list of at least 3 things I’ve done well each day, sometimes it’s just that I got out of bed and went to work, but it’s really helpful to force my brain to look at positives rather than the usual negative

 

if your goal is to get a job just look on Indeed or Craigslist and see what jobs are out there, and you're gonna get frustrated when you see jobs that want more experience that you have and that's okay you'll find something

for me another small goal is just sometimes buying tickets to things so I'll have to get out of the house

 

For me, I’ve also stopped trying to talk in absolutes. “This ALWAYS happens...” or “thatll NEVER work...” etc. I find that the absolutes just automatically block me from even trying. The next step is for me to realize that failing is not a bad thing and I don’t have to perfect something right away. Majority of the time, I’m even doing whatever task I need to do very well, but my mind has unrealistic expectations of how it’s supposed to go.

 

I really need to practice this as well. Big time.

 

Yes! Getting rid of a defeatist attitude helped me, as well as realizing that you'll learn lessons from failure. Taking the positive out of each negative situation is a good exercice when you're not used to it.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I've also been trying to be better about actually giving myself for credit for things because that's something I've definitely struggled with.

 

why the fuck am i so anxious right now???

been sitting here stewing in it for like an hour

 

life feels a lot like a prison

 

My brain just yelled "life is a highway!" but I laughed at it, so i hope you will too

 

REV UP THOSE FRYERS, BECAUSE I AM SURE HUNGRY FOR EXISTENTIAL CRISES AT 2 IN THE MORNING

 

Hahaha

But why it gotta be rush hour in Atlanta right now

 

I feel kind of sad and confused about if I'm doing the right thing.

I had the realization that while I love Maine and my school is great, I'm not happy in my current program. And I don't know if I'll be happy in any program other than the one I was in at my previous school. I only changed my mind about it because I didn't know what I'd do with the degree, but now I have an idea. I don't care if people think my major is stupid and pointless or a joke (gender studies), it's important to me and I'm not going to school for them. And I either want to work for some sort of social justice nonprofit or go to grad school and become a professor (I'd like to do both of these things at some point).

I feel kind of defeated. I was so excited for this, more excited than I ever have been. They gave me great scholarships, but I couldn't keep them anyway because their standards are ridiculous for someone with chronic illnesses. The school itself really was great. I guess it just wasn't right for me though. If it was, I probably wouldn't have second thoughts. And I feel like a failure for trying something and giving up so quickly, but my parents say at least I got a new experience and I guess maybe they're right.

But going back to my old school means living in my hometown. My hometown where some people who abused me still live, where I was forced to confront them which was fucking terrifying. I'm afraid the one I confronted ruined this town for me. But I don't want that to be true. I don't want his memory to be an obstacle in getting the education I want. It just...it fucking sucks. It's gong to be hard and triggering and I can only hope it will be worth it.

Anyway on a lighter note, I'd only have a year left of school here and I'll have less debt than most people so I'm hoping I can live in Maine after I graduate.