Mental Health Thread • Page 23

My dad is bipolar and I didn't even know until my mom told me when I was like 17. I knew he was depressed but he never acted the way ppl always talked about bipolar so it never even crossed my mind. It's def a thing I regret throwing around when I was younger.

 

That's how I used to feel with Asperger's as well. Not as much now but when it came out that Adam Lanza apparently had Asperger's it became this giant red light and made me feel so terrified to share that I had it.

 

I'm still scared. Especially with employers bc that's a definite red light. "She'll be too emotional." And that kinda mess.

 

I can't sleep lately. I feel like I haven't slept at all since last Wednesday. Lack of sleep is such a scary trigger for anxiety/depression

 

There are times where it's like " guess I have to get married so nobody thinks I'm a serial killer" because they are always described as quiet loners

 

I need to know if I'm making the right decision here. I got accepted into the Respiratory Care program at the community college and I'm thinking about declining because I don't think I have the mental and emotional strength to deal with the pressures of someone's breathing in my hands. I've talked it over with my parents and they agree, but I'm not sure. Am I throwing away a chance here because I can't deal with the pressure or am I preserving my sanity?

 

I've also applied to Sonography and Ophthalmology Tech, but uh, I bungled up the Ophthalmology application so I'm awaiting the Sonography response because that's the one I really wanted. These were backups and even Sonography was a backup because I really wanted to get into the X-Ray tech program but didn't get in. I'm weighing what I'll do after I hear back, I guess. Perhaps medical coding or take the rest of the year off to stay at my current part-time job for the income.

 

I believe to have body dysmorphic disorder. I've felt that way for a long time. It appears I have most of the symptoms. This will never go away and it sucks because it just makes me more depressed.

 

I don't want to work in sales or retail or anything where you're face to face dealing with a lot of people everyday. I wouldn't be able to put on a fake persona of hello how can I help you today when in all honesty I don't give a shit and would rather be at home. I like working from home as I am now but I need a second part time job for sure cause I need the money. Also in retail and sales etc, there's this other cultural aspect here besides being a bit too overly friendly and happy where people legit follow you around to get a sale and multiple people ask if you need help and I hate that. We rarely ever dealt with that in the uk.

 

@cybele 10 Things You Should Know If Your Partner Has Anxiety

Bookmark this, I agree with most of what it's saying. Especially 7,8 and 9.


Speaking of which. My ex was not considerate and didn't respect my privacy. He's the kind of guy who recalled everything that was done or said to him to his mom. :/ He had aspergers himself, but I never made him feel bad or blamed him for it. On the flip side, after we broke up he said he wasn't sorry cause he thinks he had nothing to apologize for. This was almost two years ago. His friends even said they weren't surprised he'd say something like that. Regardless they dropped me within a few months. His behavior was enabled by his parents as well, who judged me pretty hard for being anxious which is weird cause his mom told me she was in therapy for depression when she was young after a death in the family. They were offended at my dietary restrictions too. My dad firmly believes they're racist and he's not the kind to think that often.

 

I honestly loved working in retail. I was a bit of a shut in before I started it.

 

@lightning13 thank you! I'll read this when I get the chance, I appreciate it.

 

Plus people are so rude and entitled

 

Yeah hearing the kind of stuff that happens to workers from customers is enough to make me feel panicked. Kudos to the thousands that do it. I just know I wouldn't be able to last a week haha.

 

I wouldn't say that I love it, but it helped me immensely to be more personable, to listen more without interrupting, and just have the ability to help carry or move a conversation forward.

 

This shit in Baton Rouge has me feeling both angry and incredibly depressed.

 

I've never been an angry person but over the last few months, I've been so enraged and disappointed in my grandmother. She's changed a lot. I'm not going into the circumstances, it's complicated and there's so much involved. She's hard to be around and I feel bad when I don't see her because it breaks my mum's heart to see me upset with my nan. Everyone says "she's just old" and I'm thinking... fuck that. She's become hateful and bitter and I'm seeing a side of her I've never seen before. She was the sweetest lady when I was growing up and I loved her so much and now I haven't seen her in 2 weeks and I really don't want to see her when my mum goes to visit her tomorrow. I'm not good at dealing with anger, I just cry and hold grudges and never really resolve my feelings towards something. I'm tired of feeling angry but I can't excuse the things she's said and done and act like she's the same person I spent so much time with growing up.

 

These past couple days have been really hard mentally. I've been dealing with severe negativity with patients with nothing positive happening to break things up to where I get a break mentally. Started to run and quit now I'm sitting home wondering if I'm going to be able to get up and go to work tomorrow. I'm tired of debating and defending myself. I'm going to be quiet the next couple weeks bc I don't have any fight left in me right now honestly. Things will get better but I hope it's sooner rather than later.

 

So this morning, I officially declined acceptance into the Respiratory Care program. The lady I talked to who handles acceptance and declines was really understanding that it is a very stressful and hard program. If I can't handle the pressure once I get inside, how am I going to handle the job duties down the line? Something also stuck with me from the open house I attended about the program was the professor who runs it said that the graduation rate is about 60% because a lot of folks who do get it drop after the first year because they couldn't handle it.

I understand that the medical support field is naturally very hard and stressful, but the idea of someone's life in my hands and that I'm in charge of their breathing is sending me down a dark mental path and I don't want that. I still want to work in the medical field, but something is important as someone's breathing is too much for me to emotionally and mentally handle.

 

1. I was six. It was the first time I tried to kill myself. Luckily, being six with a very fuzzy concept of death and how overdosing works, I grabbed the only pill bottle I could open by myself. Turns out, Tums aren't fatal. I was diagnosed with Major Depression shortly after. I have no consistent memories of what life was like before or without it.

2. I've never had a positive experience with therapy, although my older brother has. So in terms of getting help? I don't know. But I've developed coping mechanisms. When it gets really bad, the desire to protect my loved ones from the fallout that goes along with suicide is the thing that keeps me here.

 

I wish so much that I could be like every other person and drive a fucking car. I am so sick of not being able to just go where I want and do what I want. It is so suffocating. Spending another day sitting at home by myself when all I want is to just go see a movie and get some ice cream. I just want to be able to do the small things like go to a store when I want. I hate this so much. And I'm so over everyone treating me like shit because of this. If I hear one more person say "Just go get your license it's not that big of a deal!" I am seriously going to lose my shit. Oh thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Not like I never thought of that before! If it was that simple for me, I would have done that years ago!

 

driving is so stressful, I was late to do it and only drive because it's a necessity, it sucks being trapped by it I've been there, hoping to one day be in a place I can rely solely on public transportation

 

I hate driving. When I am on the road, I just want to run everyone off of the road and when someone is behind me, I just want to drive to the side and let them pass.

 

It is seriously my #1 dream to be able to just live somewhere with public transportation. I wish more places had it because I've never lived anywhere that had any.

 

I love/hate driving. I hate the stupid drivers and public transit sucks where I live. When I had to take the transit/walk/bike places, I couldn't do any of that without getting cat called or hit on. Also almost everywhere I had to go I had to walk a mile to the bus stop to take the bus to get where I need to go and then I have to take a connecting bus. It was really time consuming and stressful. I had to clear an entire day just to run a a few errands but still didn't have time to do everything.