Mental Health Thread • Page 224

The job market sucks, the housing market sucks, and the ratio of good-to-bad people is way too close. I want a reset button. (that is my future campaign slogan)

 

why do I feel so worthless

 

While I don't regret my move one bit, I do feel quite lonely. I'm super introverted and have a lot of social anxiety, so it's not real easy for me to just go out somewhere and make friends. So, it often rides on making friends at work. Had a lot at my last job, which made things bearable even while the job sucked. Unfortunately at my new job, 3 months in and I just feel so ignored. I don't really talk to anyone but my boss, and our IT guy occasionally. And everyone in our office is my age, so it just feels so alienating and sucks to be in there. I prefer my days working from home. Somehow feels less lonely than being in the office surrounded by people not really even acknowledging your presence.

 

I'm going thru this exact thing rn. Hard af to go from a close friend group at my old job to coworkers who don't even rly make effort to talk to me or be welcoming. At my last job we'd go out of our way to make new ppl feel welcome so I'm not used to this ignoring thing. Not that I think they do it to be rude, I think they're busy and it's not a priority for them but it makes things feel super lonely and alienating sometimes. I'm not even super social but I appreciate an effort to reach out.

 

Yeah. I'm not super social either so it didn't bother me at first, but just hit 90 days and other than some friendliness during an office party, I just feel invisible.

The only other co-worker who is super friendly with me is one who I met the first week on the job at a conference, but he works in our company's main office on the other side of the country.

Maybe my shyness comes off as unfriendliness. :(

 

Yeah I've had some ppl from other departments reach out to me which is super nice but it'd be cool if the people in my dept would too. They talk to me if they're stuck in a car with me or something but otherwise it's rare. Hoping it gets better but I've been there around the same length of time you've been at your job and it's just awkward and I dread going now. Just such a different office culture than I'm used to. I hope things get better for you!

 

Yup, totally understand and agree. Thanks! I hope things improve for you as well! :)

 

Love buying a ticket to a show my friends promised to go to with me only to leave me high and dry a week out. Like fuck guys if I wanted to spend 20 bucks to hang out with myself and wallow in my own social anxiety I’d just go to the bar alone lol

 

ugh ugh ugh I can’t stop thinking about how much I hate being me

 

I understand this way too well. I hope you find a way to deal/overcome.

 

There’s days I really think I’m making progress and improving myself... but honestly recently the feelings I return to most often are self-loathing and loneliness, wishing the empty sinking feeling I get would go away but feeling like I don’t actually deserve that... that I deserve to feel this way. It feels like the time not that long ago when I was feeling more comfortable in my own skin is becoming more and more of a distant memory.

Writing used to be one of my biggest passions, but recently I haven’t had any motivation or drive for any writing outside of school. I just feel really adrift and not in a good place.

 

Honestly I'm realizing more and more that mental health for me takes constant work. I always have to be on the ball, eating right, getting enough sleep, going to counseling etc. It's so damn easy for me to start slipping back into a darker place.

 

I'm having some really ambivalent feelings today. Part of me is really happy for myself--happy for the work I've done, happy with what I've accomplished so far, and with who I am. At the same time, I feel content when I think about dying. Like, I'm really tired. I'm beat up. I'm hungry. The end of the road just feels like its coming soon--like its just falling into place. My class starts next week, I still have not been able to pay for this room I'm staying in, and I definitely won't have enough to move out. I might be able to hold out until October, but I'm 90 minutes from campus, and have to be there 3 days a week. Already that is $16.50 a week and a lot of time travelling.

I'm still trying to make things work, but after getting denied a job that I for sure thought I had, I'm just exhausted. My last resorts are selling my laptop so I can have access to my storage unit again. Selling as much as I can in my storage unit. That would give me maybe around $600, but of course it would come in slow and small increments. I just kind of want to fade out from existing. Like, I'm physically and mentally exhausted. Not quite feeling depressed--I'm sad about my external situaion--but just deadass exhausted. There's no way I could do well in the one class I'm taking in this condition. My treatment is dependent on my college enrollment. My friend is trying to tell me to move back with my family, but they aren't understand the cost that would have on me mentally. Last time I lived with family I tried to kill myself. And I feel like right now, if I had to choose, I'd rather die happy than sad. Its just such as weird feeling.

 

Waiting for my MRI results and my blood test results all weekend has made me so anxious. And I couldn't do the contrast so I don't know how accurate this MRI's results will be and I might have to do it again. I've still been having symptoms on/off today but not as bad. Since waiting is driving me crazy I might go to sleep early. I just want to know what's wrong with me and get treatment.

 

To be honest I just want to break down and cry right now. I'm really tired of leading this kind of life and never being happy. I don't like the bitter side of myself. I wish I knew how to be satisfied or comfortable. I wish I knew what I wanted or how to get it.

 

can i die yet? id really like to die

 

How close are you to getting enough to get to your storage unit?

 

I'm $80 shy of that. I have until the 23rd.

 

I put my foot in my mouth and always say the wrong thing and then I loathe myself for it and become convinced everyone hates me and that's why I can't form sincere connections and then I spiral down its super fun.

 

tw for self harm
I saw my baby brother's scars for the first time the other day and it broke my fucking heart. thankfully, as far as I know he isn't cutting anymore but I hate that he ever got to that place at all

 

I know my friends just have a lot of things going on and I don't blame them but this was the worst fucking timing for all of my friends (which isn't many right now) to be too busy to even talk to me. Again, I don't blame them, just bad timing because I'm going through a lot with my health and I wish I had more people to vent to or even to just distract me. I haven't told most of them what's going on because they haven't reached out so it's not like they straight up don't care about my well-being...and this wouldn't be a problem if I hadn't lost most of my old friends because they hang out with my abuser. Like, if I had more people in my life, it wouldn't matter that four people were too busy for me. I'm not bitter at all, it just sucks.

And my health stuff keeps getting worse. Still having symptoms, got diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease, and the MRI showed some demyelinating in my brain which is what happens with MS, although I have no lesions. So I don't know what the fuck is going on with me because they never got more specific. Ugh, and all this right before I start school.

Also: Forgot to mention I haven't reached out to them in a month, but I've been too exhausted from health stuff to initiate a conversation, which is why I wish they'd reach out to me.

 

Hello low self esteem meet your new friend intense desire to sabotage anything remotely positive that might happen

 

My work is cutting hours for my shift (they’re shortening the shift) starting next month. I’m already full of anxiety and really depressed because I either get immediate rejections or never hear back from jobs. We already get paid crap and I barely have any money coming in because it all goes to bills

 

Hey, just seeing this now, so I hope it all got worked out. If you need to talk, feel free to hit me up. Same exact thing happened to my older brother towards the end of last year. It was a culmination of drug use, untreated stress, and bipolar manifesting itself (which the first two probably exasperated) in his late 30s.

 

Nope