Mental Health Thread • Page 218

I've been feeling really depressed lately. I no longer enjoy my job (haven't been for a while), and I dread going to work every day. I can come back from my days off, wanting for time to hurry up so I can have my days off again. Like I've posted before, my company is a huge mess and you can't take time off because they don't want to figure out coverage, while the managers can take their time off. I keep looking and applying to places that I qualify or feel like I can qualify, but then I hear nothing. That or I posted late because a few days later I get an automated rejection email saying the position has been filled and no longer available. OR the position asks for something I'm not comfortable with. It's so stressful to the point where I'm almost in tears at the thought of going into work because I can't take it any longer and feel like I'll be stuck here for a long time.

 

Okay so after continuing to push the new patient coordinator about my hysto consult and finding out who is responsible for canceling my appointment (wrongly) and not telling me until I got there, she found an appointment for me with one of the other 2 surgeons who work with transgender patients. For June 28. Which is Gina's nursing school graduation. Appt is at 345 in SF, graduation is 630 in SJ. I think I can make it on time, but either way I took the appointment.

It makes me feel kinda shitty, but I told her that I'm concerned I'd feel resentment if I didn't take the appointment. I've been working on this since January, before then if you count when I originally called about getting a referral for surgery. And it already got taken away from me once for no good reason. I don't want to wait until July 18 if I don't have to. I need this shit out of my body, and I don't really care about anything else.

I know that makes me selfish but if we're being honest I'd rather be dead than not continue my transition in a "timely" manner. I hate saying that because I'm in really good spirits lately, and don't feel suicidal at all, but it's the truth. Take away my ability to do this and I have no reason to be here, due to quality of life.

That said all of this is contingent on me not needing a new referral to see someone else. The new patient coordinator is checking on that for me, but I swear to Christ if she booked me for this appointment and then they fuck up again with insurance and I no longer have the 18th either I think I'm just going to camp on the office floor until someone gives me a fucking consult.

 

The past 48 have been stupid. I got like two hours of sleep between sat and sun. Had to move during the day all day Sun and by myself. I should have asked for help but didn't think it would be that hard. I was dead wrong, and woke up today with some nasty bruises. Can't put much weight on my left knee either. Went to my friends' joint grad party where I drank way too much. I was fine at the party, but they moved it to a bar and in my drunk state, fell into bad habits. Got a cocktail and then a shot, then someone bought me a cocktail. I asked some people I knew there if I could crash at their place, but they couldn't. So my drunk ass slept on the train. At around 8am, I decided to head to campus so I could charge my phone and catch a library nap. Then I had therapy, and took a nap in the lawn, cause its so nice out. I had no money to eat, but I finally got paid for my gig a couple weeks ago, so I lucked out. One of my friends is in India right now and his sister is letting me sleep in his room for right. I can't wait to ptfo and get some fucking REM sleep.

 

I’m really happy I quit my job but the uncertainty in regards to money sucks. I’ve been sleeping way later than I normally do and I think a big reason is so I have fewer hours awake to deal with the fact I’m currently unemployed. My parents keep asking if I’ve heard back from any places I’ve applied/interviewed and it’s really weighing on me. I know they mean well and want the best but it makes me feel like shit when I don’t have anything positive to tell them. I don’t have enough experience for any of the long term things I apply for and I have too much for the short term jobs I’ve applied to. Hoping something changes soon.

 

I just recently found a job after a few months of unemployment and it is rough af. Not that u asked for or need my advice, but I think its paramount to stay on some sort of schedule and find ppl to keep u accountable to it. It is so hard to get out of bed but then feels worse when u realize u wasted an entire day. You will find a job. You're not gonna be unemployed for the rest of your life. So take advantage while u can! When you're not job hunting, work on learning or improving a new hobby or catch up with friends or listen to the backlog of albums u wanna hear, or read those books on your bucket list, whatever it takes. Because u will get a job, and then u won't have as much time for that stuff anymore! Unemployment can be so soul crushing and defeating but it's only temporary and I hope u find something soon!

 

This helps a ton, thank you so much! I’m working on getting better at guitar and cooking more time intensive meals in between applying for jobs. I think starting to work out again will help too. I’m happy to hear you found something!

 

All of those things sound awesome! I think it's good to have some activities that help u feel grounded or empowered while job hunting. Being rejected or not even getting an interview can feel so personal and confidence shattering that it's good to have those hobbies in place to boost you back up!

And thanks! It was a huge blow cause when I quit my job I was like well I'm awesome and employable so whatevs! ...but then it took months and multiple rejections to find anything lmao. It was v humbling tho!

 

The hobbies help a ton! It’s been great getting back to cooking Korean food, something I was too tired to do after work every day. I completely get where you were at too! It was a huge relief resigning but now it’s like “cool I need money” haha. It’ll all work out, just have to keep pressing forward.

 

Fuck Donald Trump, his administration, his family, and anyone who voted for him. Fuck the the turtle for stealing a SCOTUS seat. Fuck the emboldened racists hiding behind "telling it like it is" and "national security"

Just call me "steamed hams" because I am on FIRE with anger right now

 

This administration has unlocked a level of anger in me that I didn’t know I had.

 

the nearly nonstop stress and anger i have felt since november 2016 is unreal. and my therapist has assured me that many of her other clients feel the same way. this man and his cronies and his base are fucking up my mental health and i am so god damn tired of it

 

I've been listening to Demi's new song Sober a lot and even tho I am not an addict I am relating to it a lot in terms of my mental health. The peak of my issues was when I was a teen, and now I think everyone assumes I'm better and fine and that was a phase or rough patch or something, but my issues have just been underneath the surface and I've been able to manage it until now, tho I've not been properly dealing with it. The past 8 months or so it has been coming up and is more prominent and out of my control and even tho I know it's normal for depression to have highs and lows, I still dont rly wanna let anyone know because I dont want them to worry and I guess I dont wanna shatter the illusion that I'm better now. I feel frustrated and I guess a little guilty that I'm still grappling with this even tho I know its life long. Like I want to apologize to my friends and family for still struggling even tho logically I know I have nothing to apologize for. I feel upset and disappointed at myself for not only how I've been feeling but how those feelings have caused me to lash out unpleasantly sometimes. Then after I lash out I feel guilty and wanna bury it all even further and keep a tight lid on my issues, but obv that's not sustainable and then it just keeps coming back up in a cycle.

 

My OCD is acting up over the stupidest shit again, I have one friend who I have only ever had problems with when we stopped dating (after just one month of dating) back in 2012. I sent her a pretty harmless message and I keep worrying she's going to respond in a cold or even hostile way. As I said, we have not had any problems since 2012, so since this is pretty harmless I have no reason to assume she'll respond negatively. She was literally just telling me she missed me and wanted to see me if she ever came back to town last night. But my brain is still telling me she'll be mad at me or something and it's driving me crazy. I hate OCD so much. It's something I don't even think of as a big deal until I suddenly find myself obsessing over social situations and acting out compulsions or rituals that just make things more uncomfortable for me.

 

I wish some of y'all didn't hate me and would get over whatever grudge you have. I feel paranoid and anxious when I'm on here and that doesn't really go away. Sucks cause I'm always online and don't hang out with anyone. I don't really have anywhere to go.

 

I appreciate your love and passion for Final Fantasy!!

 

I don't know what problems other people have with you, but you always seemed pretty cool to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

It's awful that a lot of people seem to be having issues here lately. Idk what's going on cause I guess I stick to tame threads with like 3 people lol but it bums me out cause this has been a helpful and go-to site for me for like over 10 years and it is unfortunate that so many ppl are having issues. Wish you well sis! Lemme know if I need to fight anyone!!

 

I do not dislike you one bit. quite the opposite actually.

 

I constantly lurk the politics forum and you seem cool to me.

 

Got some automated rejection emails from some positions I applied to. I think those positions I applied "late" because I recently replied, and feel like they probably already had interviews in process then chose someone so my application wasn't even looked at. But I applied to about 6 more so far at 2 different hospitals. Each time I get a rejection email without interview, it increases my anxiety because I feel like I'll be stuck at this dead-end job for a long time. I don't want to have to apply somewhere else that I know I can get hired really quickly because I'll just run in to the same bs I'm trying to get out of. Still searching each day for new open positions

 

After losing my wallet today, and most of the money I had left to my name, I'm officially at rock bottom. I just want to be put down like an old dog

 

I feel like a lot of us are having this issue. It feels like this site has gotten so hostile lately and I feel like there needs to be a real effort as a community to end that.

 

For over a month now what I used to consider mild anxiety has blossomed into a major health issue for me. I wake up every night an hour or 2 into sleep and can't fall back asleep no matter what I try (mostly breathing exercises and meditation). Once I'm awake it seems like every sound, from a car driving by to a bird chirping, triggers anxiety and ruins any hope of being able to fall back asleep. At this point only getting about an hour of sleep a night for a month has really taken a toll on me. I wasn't able to get a Drs. appointment until July 9. Does anyone have any advice? Anyone have positive experience with sleep aids that might help me sleep through the night?

 

not to be this person, but i ordered CBD oil online and it has helped me MASSIVELY manage my anxiety and sleep issues. i'm not a weed person at all, but i'm really happy to have found something that works. just make sure it's the kind with no THC. i take like 2 droppers of it and sleep through the night, which has always been a problem for me. added bonus, it also helps me keep chronic migraines in check.

 

I don’t know you well, but I always enjoy your input on the video games thread sorry you’re feeling this way