Mental Health Thread • Page 198

My brother in law moved his dad from the ICU into Hospice care where he's expected to die within the next few days. This will be four funerals since the week before Christmas. I don't have insurance stuff figured out, have the birthday blues, and constantly feel like I'm failing at my job and subsequently will be fired. I'm suffocating.

 

Hey how are you feeling today?

 

This is a lot for one person to handle. Hang in there, one moment at a time.
(Originally I had several questions but I decided to give you a break :) )

 

dunno what to say other than you’re both wonderful people and I’m sending you lots of love, hope the hard times get easier soon

 

Today was my last day at my current job. Start the new job in 2 weeks and flew to the area tonight and start looking for a place to live over the next couple days. Totally freaking out about it all and feel way over my head.

 

I don't know where else to say this but no, I'm not OK and a lot of it has to do with this forum. Other than having issues with politics (and people on here make that worse), my physical health, my family, my low income, hardly having any friends, not hanging out with people months at a time, always being in pain, etc...Anyone who's been on here regularly and knows what's happened to me over the past 2 years knows why, a lot of shit went down and not all of it was resolved, some was ignored, i was often told to just "block people cuz not everyone gets along" when a lot of that was beyond that.

some people, particularly men who can write essays with dozens of likes, can post things that are casually racist, and it's totally okay for some reason. they never say "i'm sorry" and that's fine, also, for some reason. yet i keep apologizing.

i don't like being on here that much, i just don't have an outlet. i'm sensitive, and i question what people do and why because so many men on here are posting about being nicer to each other and stuff in the accountability thread, but with everything that's happened, i just don't believe it. i don't let go of things that aren't resolved because i've been hurt by them and i still feel some animosity from some people because of that. they can go on doing and saying whatever, and nobody cares, which is weird for people who claim to care about accountability.

my anxiety makes it worse, for sure, but i wish people really meant what they were saying and would act the way they say they want to on here.

i can talk about this in PMs, i don't want another public argument, i won't reply. but it's just...there are certain things that just...are beyond triggering here. i get frustrated.

 

also can i just throw out - the "no one will love you if you don't love yourself" is a tired cliche that needs to be destroyed. it is just a justification for further isolation and animosity. nobody is perfect and it's hard for some of us to love ourselves, it doesn't mean we're undeserving of love from others. what can actually HELP with self care is knowing other people care. being ignored and feeling unwanted from everyone doesn't make you feel better.

 

Tried to PM you to chat, because it seems like you're in a very dark place right now, but it wouldn't let me. Please feel free to reach out to me

 

you both. Please reach out to talk any time.

 

The last couple times I talked to my dad this week has been not so good. I'm 32 and he still wants me to become something I'm not. it's really bumming me out and I need to stop drinking while I'm on these meds cuz that is also bumming me out. I found a really cheap room the other day but was informed that the dude who offered it to me is a heavy user and drugs guys to sleep with them. Unfortunately, I don't have enough money to be picky either.

I'm just really stuck and feeling shitty rn.

edit: I feel so defeated today. I tried to get a lot of work done and barely did anything. I tried drinking a red bull (on top of the coffee I drank in the morning) to perk me up, but I still took a 45 minute nap and just woke up wanting to go back to sleep. I can't get anything done feeling like this.

 

I didn't go to work today and rationalized it by me having to work this coming saturday but that's not how it works. I went to the bar tonight just to force myself to interact with another person face to face for the first time in three days. I spent the nicest weekend of the year so far in my apartment, blinds shut laying down.

 

I text an old boss to give her a heads up that this job app was requiring me to list my last few supervisors. She asked what I was applying for and told me I would be good at it. That lil gesture meant so much. I respect her a lot and learned so much from her that it means extra from her. I think with the way i left my job I've lost confidence. I was so stressed and frustrated and on the verge of breakdown every day that I wasn't in top form and beat myself up about it every day, plus the animosity with my boss it was all just so bad and that's the note it ended on. So to hear someone say that one small thing was really nice and I needed to hear it I think.

 

Return to AZ tomorrow after successfully finding a new place. Time to pack and prep for the move. Super exhausted mentally after spending the past few days visiting a bunch of potential apartments and dealing with strangers and having to plaster a smile on my face to do my best to make a semi-decent impression.

Ready to get some actual sleep since I don't do well on trips. My anxiety is returning to normal levels. Or will after the flight (please don't cancel this one Southwest).

 

I'm tired of losing friends. I wake up just wanting to go back to sleep and not do anything. But now it's getting worse. I just feel miserable.

If I didn't care about politics... If I just didn't care. But then people on this forum and on Twitter wouldn't understand why it's so difficult to be someone like me.

Such is life. Nobody really gets it. And many just want to deny it.

Anything to blame the victim, the unheard, the silenced. And to make sure it stays that way.

I don't know who to trust anymore.

 

I’m not rly doin ok

 

Got a life insurance quote and immediately checked to see if suicide is covered...so I guess that’s not a great sign in terms of my mental health? I never really know where I’m at. Maybe I was just curious. Maybe I really shouldn’t buy a policy.

 

I hope so badly that people enjoy being around me, that I’m a positive in their life. I worry I’m not, that I’m a bother, talk too much, don’t say anything interesting, that everyone has a better time when I’m not around

 

I’m trying my hardest to not go and drink right now. Like I made a promise to myself to not drink because of my daughter but the want, that itch, it’s strong.

 

Wrote this out the other day.

 

Really well written, and very true.


I think this weekend I'm going to just drive somewhere beautiful by myself and just not think about life for the weekend. My life is slowly falling apart, and I desperately need a bright spot in it.

 

This was really nice to read!

Good luck with the move!

 

I am going on a 1-2 day trip the first week of May by myself basically for the same reason.

 

My depression has actually been pretty chill lately, but not to be outdone my anxiety has been very high. They must enjoy taking turns sabotaging my brain.

 

I feel so fucking isolated and lonely and no one ever notices and I don’t know how to reach out.

 

You are not alone and any of us are willing to help you in any way we can.