Still haven't formally been offered the job, which has allowed my mind to wander and ponder whether it's really for me. Did have a final interview - they wanted to do a video interview with the two people I'd interviewed with before at the same time (less interview and more, "hey let's discuss how we could cover [subject]"). It seemed like it went fine and the person who'd be my boss seems pretty cool and chill. I'm just really bad at making up my mind, with like everything, but especially something so big. Resolved to try and enjoy this weekend and not think about things and allow my mind to destress/decompress and start next week in maybe a better headspace.
i wish i could go more than an hour without remembering i'm trans. the only time that happens is if i'm sleeping. this fucking doctor's office was supposed to send me a blood work lab slip to get my T level checked, but instead they included an order for a pap smear for some reason, which is dysphoria inducing on a good day, but hooray even worse bc these fucking morons were supposed to take all of that out of my chart because i'm trying to get those fucking parts removed this year...so i don't need that exam. like we went over this. at least three times because they called twice trying to reschedule one. and this is supposed to be the best place in the area lol what a joke that fuckin is
texted my therapist about this, because it's still bothering me a ton, and it will until i can call tomorrow morning and get it all fixed. it's not like she can help with any of it but i don't know what else to do.
If it helps anyone, I've been taking Buspar for anxiety the last couple months and it seems to be working pretty well.
Yeah so im not working anymore cause i quit. And im going to spend my first Monday without my preschoolers by... volunteering in my nephews preschool class lol. I'm actually kinda nervous and hope I don't get too upset or emotional. Nights have been rly hard. At least in the day I can hang with family or go to the gym or whatever. At night there's nothing to distract me from overthinking and rly feeling the depression.
I feel like such an ass. I've been staying at my friend's place in Camarillo for the weekend and he took his morning shift off today to hang out and do stuff but I unintentionally slept in cuz I couldn't fall asleep till 6/7am. my phone normally wakes me up too but it was dead so I was just knocked out all day. Kinda wish he woke me up but obviously not his job to do that. By the time I was up he had to go to work...
Not sure if this is the place to ask, but I'm wondering if anyone here has ever been to AA? What the process may be like and if it was helpful
Wow my new job is so chill. Haven't felt this good about a job after my first day since I worked at a grocery store in high school
I'm thinking of trying to taper off Zoloft I'm not so sure if I need it anymore I've been doing really well lately and the daytime sleepiness it causes is gonna make it hard to function at my new job
It kinda depends on the state, but there are meetings from morning to night, 7 days a week. They can take various formats: speaker, discussion topic, reading various literature (one meeting I attended went by the month. It's March so they'd cover the 3rd step and 3rd tradition). Meetings are either open or closed - difference is closed is only for those who wish to quit drinking. Open anyone can attend. People will tell you it's not a religious program, but...let's just say you'll have a much better time with it if you believe in a Christian God. There are atheist/agnostic groups out there, but they are rarer. Personally, I think there are far more effective ways to quit and stay stopped than AA, but if it helps you it helps you.
Got all this crap straightened out. Turns out I'm not due for blood work until June, too, so that's cool, saves me some money for now. I can still never forget I'm trans but heyyyy at least I won't have to get blood drawn using a lab slip with a pap order on it too.
I've known two people to do AA and went to a meeting with one to check it out and see if NA would be something I wanted to do. Neither of my friends who did it kept going and both have continued to abstain from drinking. The religious aspect is shoved down your throats constantly from what I could tell, not in a deliberate way but everyone seemed to believe in god and talked about god in some capacity. So that really turned me off and made me decide not to do NA
I attended a loooot of meetings that closed or opened with a prayer, not just serenity but full on Our Father. It's just easier imo if you already believe in a higher power. Edit: all my experience is with AA in NC
I'm pretty sure they opened with a prayer when I observed too. I could never do that consistently I'm too set in my atheism to fake it
I don’t have good days and bad days. My anxiety spikes in certain types of situations I know I need to avoid. My girlfriend and therapist have told me I have messed up thought-processes that are illogical. Maybe it’s a coping mechanism. I am in constant fight-or-flight mode. I haven’t “relaxed” in years, even when I try to.
Ahh, curling into my bed, getting comfy... and having my brain decide now is the time to review everything currently causing me anxiety and stress. Mhmmm, it's the best.
those moments where you realize you've basically been the problem in a lot of situations. mmmm. whatever your opinion on psychedelics is, this is one of those things (in my limited experience) it'll make strikingly clear, better or worse.
Never told my friends this but I get really queasy before I’m about to head out with friends to do stuff. To the point where I’ve puked beforehand on a couple occasions. I really don’t know why.