Mental Health Thread • Page 172

G HERBO!!

 

I'm in the worst place

 

Ending the week just so fucking worn out. I just want to be done.

 

I'm better. These ups and downs are getting to be too much though

 

I'm not going to hurt myself but I'm wishing I didn't exist

 

I am in a very dark place right now, I feel so unwanted and not cared about. I feel so empty and heartbroken. I get rejected by someone I considered a good friend and now I lost them as a friend.... That alone wouldn't have broken me so much but I had such a tough year lots of setbacks... I decided I'm moving in the spring to start over and have a new life but I have no idea what I'm going to do until then, this has been the hardest week in awhile. I think about hurting myself all the time but I know I don't wanna do it, I know my new life will at least be a little better and I won't make the same mistakes.

I stopped my medication awhile ago because it was making me stupid and ruined my memory but I started back on it again, I guess the pros outweigh the cons here.

 

Did my interview for the CA job on Friday and can only hope it went well. I'll hear back quickly, one way or other, but it sounded like I'd still have to do like 1-3 more interviews and it just is all so exhausting, especially if I end up not getting it. I'll just be fucking crushed at this point.

I just want out of my current job so fucking much. It's clear to me they're just taking advantage of my unassertive nature to dump extra work on me that other departments are doing. Like this guy in another department was like, "here's some work. do it." And like no, fuck you dude.

 

I'm glad you exist

 

looks like the gabapentin is going to work on these night sweats, thank you pharmaceutical jesus

 

i’ve got a lot of unresolved things that i haven’t confronted. it’s weird looking back and having the epiphany that i’ve acted in unconventional ways because of stuff that’s happened in the past. often the way i present myself seems logical and reasonable (to myself) but i’m starting to realise that it’s a natural reaction of mine to act out of self-preservation. It feels like i’m in danger most of the time- even when i’m not. i’ve been brushing the surface of it recently but there’s so much and it runs so deep that i just get overwhelmed and freak out.

I’m incapable of feeling certain emotions during appropriate moments and i self sabotage a ridiculous amount. professional help seems like the only option at this point but i’m terrified of it after bad experiences. at least i’ve taken a step in the right direction by acknowledging it. i’m just scared of it festering to a point where i can’t control it.

 

Is anyone here on Xanax for anxiety? Can I pick your brain on side effects, general motivation to be active, clarity in thinking?

I haven't slept more than 3 hours for two weeks, it's been years since i've taken a medication but I am calling a doctor soon to make an appointment.

 

You show her love in the ways he cannot. Help her to understand it is a reflection of something he has to deal with, and is not her fault.

Edit: I only know this works because had it not been for my older sister, I don't know what kind of person I would be today.

 

I’ve officially made it one week without talking to her. That’s the longest I’ve gone without talking to her in 3 and a half years. I only had one major breakdown this week, so that’s good. I miss her so badly, but I don’t even know if I miss her as bad as I thought I would. But I don’t know how well I’m doing right now. Some moments I’m great, others I feel like I’m drowning. I at least proved to myself that I can survive without her. I like my life a lot better with her in it, but I don’t *need* her like I once thought I did. I don’t even know if I miss her or the role she used to fill in my life. I just hope we start talking again soon.

 

Omg idek what to say besides I'm so sorry and that is horrific. I hope that staff member suffers.

 

holy fuck he needs to go to prison

 

ultimately i think if your mother isn't really cognizant/aware of what he did, not pursuing it is best...but man oh man i'd want all of his future employers to know. i don't know how you'd even go about warning anyone though. i'm sorry, this is a terrible situation from start to finish.

 

it's not selfish. self-care is ALWAYS #1. don't beat yourself up over that.

 

Oh, Mary! We love you! I get so excited to talk Seinfeld with you, and was so fortunate to get paired up twice with you in the music society! Please reach out on any social media outlet, any time

 

Thank you my friend, love you too. I sent you a message on Facebook

 

Just did an interview for another job. Video and went for a fucking hour. So drained. I think I did reasonably well, but flubbed it on one question involving the company itself and I just feel so frustrated with myself. Shows I didn't do enough research into them. I did well on everything else, but that one early question is all I can think about. :(

 

Got court tomorrow...

Only reason I was arrested was cus my brother and his shit, only reason my ex was kicked out and relationship killed was cus of the fear that came from what happened with him and the fear the landlord would find out...
I played my brother best I could but I still hold a lil anger I doubt will ever leave. But watching this situation knowing I'll be before the judge tomorrow alone when everyone forced that hand and I just had to live accordingly and a freak accident happened.... I'm very angry at everyone from my mother, brother, family (bro aint but rest of fam being racist) to my ex, friends (cheating and betrayal, tied together), to just life in general (whenever ya try shit blowing up in ya face)/
A bleeding heart just wanting to help getting shit for how big it is and how much it continues to give, till that turns to being taken advantage of - and that turns to toxic returns.

Lesson learned. Don't give a mfer S H I T less that return immediate. This charity love shit is long dead.

 

I appreciate the kind words you’ve said, it did help in the moment but can you remove your quotes of my story? I realize now how this thread kind of is and I don’t believe it’s the right place for it. I feel weird having it up.

 

Gotcha. For what it's worth, this thread is for all troubles you may be having

 

Made me feel like a story of the day type deal and then bypassed. I shouldn't have.

 

I don't believe that's true at all. You'll get there. Keep your chin up.