Mental Health Thread • Page 161

Hey all, been having a rough time the last couple of days and needed somewhere to turn to vent.

I was recently diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder, and have been taking steps to try and fix it i.e. going on walks during my lunch break to get some sun (my cubicle at work isn't near any windows and the walls are high), getting back into running and going on Wellbutrin about a month ago. However, I still have my days where I'm just down and it feels like nothing can pull me out of it and I just have to ride it out until it passes. This is putting a strain on my relationship because I have a hard time being fully present in anything. And my girlfriend is upset because, despite her best efforts, I still feel down and it makes her sad because she feels like she can't help me and is doing something wrong. I love her a lot and I try to reassure her that it has nothing to do with her and that she's great and that I do love her. It's me getting lost in my own head and trying to figure out a way to avoid that. The fact that my hurt hurts her just makes things worse. The fall and early-winter months are hardest for me. The rest of the year I'm good for the most part.

 

Guess I couldn't get just one Ativan, got five in this bottle. Pretty happy about that though because I originally wanted three, one to test to see how it makes me feel, one to take and an extra just in case I dropped the second in the toilet with my clumsy bird hands

Will report back in about an hour, just in case there is anyone else in here wondering what this stuff is like. For the record I'm 5'8" 125 lbs

edit; okay 2 hours, ha. i feel a little off, not really loopy so much as relaxed. but i can tell you right now that this ain't gonna be relaxed enough to keep me from freakin out at the doctor next week lol

 

done and over now. that ativan was 0.5 mg and i can only assume it's a CYA doctor thing for her to say she didn't want me driving after taking this. I feel like i'd need to eat 5 of them at once to be even remotely relaxed enough for this stupid procedure. honestly it's kind of starting to make me even more anxious that the medicine is pointless here and that to be calm enough to get through it i'd need to be drunk or unconscious. fuck

 

I have to let you all know something.

I just found out right now my good friend had committed suicide this morning. We had just talked last week about going to his favorite burger place to get lunch and idk. I’m going to take a break away from social media and chorus because I’m a wreck right now. I’ll see you all soon.

 

I'm so sorry. Take care of yourself and remember that everyone here will support you.

 

I’m so sorry to hear that :( keep your head up and don’t ever hesitate to reach out to your support system here.

 

All the love to you. Def let us know if you need anything

 

Wow so so sorry. Please know everyone here has your back if you need us. Take care of yourself.

 

I feel very alone and it's hurting me. :( I've been crying all day.

I don't want to care about anything . It's hard taking care of my physical health because of how depressed I get, and then I get more pain. It sucks.

 

everything just feels hopeless

 

I’ve been there too but i promise there’s always hope to be had. Don’t sight of it and don’t be afraid to reach out

 

Thank you so much. I've calmed down since I posted that but I know that this time of year depression and anxiety sky rocket for me and I can't stop it. But I'm aware of it and I need to look after myself as much as I can. I have a lot going on at the moment so I'm also feeling fucking overwhelmed and never getting enough rest. Meh. Can't wait for the holiday season to end

 

Like Xanax

 

Man, I need help.

 

I'm coming undone and I just don't much care about anymore.

 

I know that feeling. I’ve got seasonal affective disorder and as much as I wanna enjoy this time of year, I can’t fully and it sucks.

 

never had that either. this kinda just...idk...didn't make me relax and kinda made me hyperfocus on what was bothering me. which is the opposite of what i'm going to need to get through this next appointment.

 

PSA:

SELF CARE IS #1


i'm not following that advice and it's bad

 

I have an addictive personality and I had to give it up bc it was so addicting.

 

yeah that's why i'm not on klonopin anymore. benzos are TOO good. bleh. gonna call my doc tomorrow and ask her what she thinks. the good news is everyone should wish they had my psychiatrist because she's fucking awesomeeee

 

I don't feel alright

 

I got a letter on Christmas Eve telling me my doc I had for 5 years was leaving. I burst into tears and had a mini meltdown. My new doctor is wayw more attentive than she was so it was like a blessing in disguise.

 

hey. i see you. you wanna talk about it at all?

my nightmare.

it was a huuuuge battle to find this woman. i do not know what i would do if she left right now.

 

Just chiming in here to say that reading every one of your posts make me feel less alone in all of this and even though I'm not as active posting as some people I'm always here if anyone needs to talk.

I'm doing relatively good these days, still up and down though. Worried that something will drag me back down to the depths of my depression/anxiety again. Idk I feel more equipped to face life but the future still terrifies me in every way possible.

 

I feel super numb to nearly everything right now.