Mental Health Thread • Page 160

I really wish mods would come down harder on people here who intentionally are trying to hurt your mental health, damn dude. Time for a break from this place.

 

Yesterday was super tough. I've been trying to hang out with my friend for months and depression has basically stopped them from being able to go out and have a good time. I feel pretty helpless about it knowing there isn't much I can do and that they have to be willing to accept and get help. I just want my friend back, ugh. Until then I'll just keep trying to be the best friend I can. Also on top of that, I ended up missing my therapy appointment because I cancelled it for the hang out that never happened. I really needed that appointment, I've been really sad all week and it would've been very beneficial. Double bummer, basically.

 

I feel a level.of hatred ive never felt before for "blood" who have WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY to ruin my life, relationships and the people i care for.

I genuinely find myself wishing them the worse to finally be rid of them. I care not beyond that. Ive always been the peacekeeper/olive branch extender but thats over now. I didnt spend thanksgiving and wont be spending Christmas with yall.
Stupid me use to fear time/life without yall... Now i realize... Sadly... Thats liberation. However i can get to that ill take it....

 

I've recently opened to my best friend, lil bro, and father about my eventual suicide plans if life doesn't change.

I've been trying non stop, I'm open to so many around me hoping for anything, but I've been here before... there was a reason I felt comfortable opening now. No immediate plans... but I know I never was meant for a long time, just to have an impact on those that mattered while I was here.

I'm in no rush but I'm definitely growing closer day by day, and it's just a matter of the money being right, i already got my eye on the how... I don't even wanna scare anyone.. I always will try a effort prior to that, but well.... I'm sure many can guess I'm not use to that amounting to much if anything to say that.

Love all, I dont wanna scare any even here, just the edge has long since been met, trust i rather be a liar here than right. I just... don't know how much someone can try with no returns before it's like "..well forget it"

 

i feel like i just dig myself holes that i have to find my way out of over and over and over. and when my depression is hitting i just let shit get horrible

 

Feeling like I'm coming undone. It's times like these that I'm reminded of how alone I am and how I don't really have anyone to turn to or confide in completely.

 

Today has just been overwhelming. Can't concentrate on anything, and keep forgetting to respond to people and I'm very conscious of how terrible my memory has become. Meh. Might just be a comedown from going to an excellent show last night but it feels like more. Just want to sleep

 

I also really hurt someone earlier this year and she reached out to me a few weeks ago and forgave me even though I do not deserve it. I've avoided talking to her since, I do get busy but talking does get too much for me... and she sent me another message today, which I haven't responded to. I really am trying to improve with keeping in touch with friends but she deserves a better friend than me - and I don't want to say this to her because it's making it all about me and I refuse to manipulate someone I care about. It's a shit situation

 

2 am and I don't feel good enough for any of the wonderful people in my life and I'm crying so that's fun

 

The people in your life love and need you too! It's why they wanna talk to you and work thru things. I'd just explain that you're not trying to be rude but you've been feeling overwhelmed and busy and ask them to bear with u until u get thru it so they know it isn't personal. I'm sure they will understand. Ur wonderful too which is why u attract wonderful ppl in ur life!

 

You're lovely, thank you so much

 

today was the worse day and idk where to begin, ima just leave it at idk what im doing anymore, i dont define time anymore, i just know i dont care nor want any of this anymore.

 

Anyone ever have trouble making friends with classmates? My 9am class is incredibly chatty before and after class, and I just sit on my phone awkwardly.

 

Yes. And I have no advice because I'm a loner weirdo.

 

I've made only one friend in school but it was short-lived because my current partner forced me to block her on all social media. Actually, that happened twice, now that I'm thinking about it. It'd be nice to form a meaningful friendship with someone who is interested in the same area of study, but I graduate next semester so

 

I’m shocked I haven’t met more people to hang with. I mean, I have so many hobbies/interests and I’m always doing one of them. Like, working 50+ hours per week, reading books by myself, going alone to shows, watching tv/movies in a dark room solo, listening to music with headphones in. Can’t imagine what the problem is

 

I didn't make any until my last term of my senior year and since it's such a short period of time we didn't stay connected after I graduated. I think if I'd met them earlier it'd be different. I'm glad I saved money going to a cc first but that was a big downside.

 

raise your hand if you've taken ativan before and are willing to tell me how it made you feel

i had a not great experience at the doctor's office today and my psychiatrist is a godsend who prescribed me one pill for when i have to go back

 

I havent spoken to my best friend much since I moved out. We went to a show together in September and I haven't spoken to her since. I was kinda hurt about how things went down at the show and I didn't really feel like contacting her. I was kinda moody like maybe I should just make zero effort and see if she even bothers. The other day she called and woke me up on a Tuesday morning at 3am because she and her friends were drunk and trapped in the basement of my building and needed me to let them out. I wasn't mad but I was kinda like ok haven't talked to me for months until u need something. But today she sent me a bouquet of flowers to my work with a card saying thank you for being my best friend and it felt nice to actually feel thought of. I feel like I take the backseat a lot and am the desperate one wanting to hang with her while she has all these other friends she could be having more fun with, and it felt nice to get that lil extra effort.

 

I’ve never taken Ativan, but my brother said it made him super foggy.

 

having my first depressed day in what feels like months. i made a lot of good changes over the last couple of months, but they have lost their freshness and subsequently the sense of accomplishment that came with them. need to find a new area to break through and improve in.

 

I feel like actual garbage today.

 

thank you! my doc said to take it an hour before my appointment, and she didn't want me driving home afterward (about 2ish hours into taking it, said it would last 4)...i have to drive like an hour to get to my specialist so this should be a fun challenge. my girlfriend might want a morning in the city though ha

 

im in a weird bipolar situation of feelings where as one side is like "fuck all this shit, lets get the fuck outta here" and another side that's like defiantly flexing on how I cant be broken as bad as I want to and life tries to.
all I know is walking this edge isnt fun anymore and tbh im tired of waking up and my first few seconds being literally me scanning my own mind to see if its gunna make me miserable or not. not even wanting to check my phone cus theres no one asking how i am, just asking what i got for em. fuck all that.

 

Spoilers for possible triggers in regards to like food/weight/disordered thinking? idk

I feel like I'll always have disordered thinking with weight. I wouldn't say I have disordered eating anymore. I eat my feelings sometimes but don't consciously restrict or have my entire days revolve around when/what I'm eating. But I think I will always have my messed up thoughts. rn I weigh the most I've ever been and I'm doing okay with it. I'm handling it better than past me would have. The thoughts have gotten kinda worse with my current job. I work with all women who are almost all overweight and they are constantly talking about food and weight and diets and insecurities. They always point out my thinness during these moments and now I feel this weird pressure to always maintain that. Like I have to be The Thin One at all costs. My mom has messed up perceptions of weight and I know that's where it stems from. She has a six pack and she still pinches her stomach "fat" and comments on her weight, and I grew up with her commenting on mine. t just makes me feel like a terrible person for succumbing to these disordered thoughts and perpetuating that mindset of thin = ideal and makes me feel like a shallow horrible person for even caring so much and needing that validation. meh.