Mental Health Thread • Page 16

Great way to fall asleep last night: constantly thinking how awful my personality is and that I'm probably a borderline diabetic because I bought several candy bars and ate half a white chocolate one.

 

I think it's time I just leave. I don't really fit in and I think that'll be what's best. I still have a lot to learn.

 

It's Mental Awareness Month!

 

Been loving your tweets today, @AelNire

 

Thank you so much, Garrett.

And here is the best gif of Beyoncé just for you.

 

Warning: long post and TW: suicide.

Alright, so excuse the overly long post but I'm tipsy and I've been avoiding this thread for a while. But I finally feel safe to post now. Feel free to skip over, I know how it is sometimes when you're dealing with your own issues.

Last month, I was having suicidal thoughts. The second semester of my junior year was by far the hardest of my college career and between the stress of that, worrying about my fiance (who also has mental health issues) and a dying grandmother, I constantly felt like a burden until I lost feeling altogether and felt the only way I felt I could get a break was hurting/removing myself. I don't like to say I was "planning" anything, and I don't even know that I could have gone through with anything, but I know I purchased a nice bottle of liquor in case it was my last and picked a final album to listen to (Kid A). Please, nobody freak out or call anyone; things get better.

Luckily, I never wen through with anything. I worked up the courage to talk to my fiance about it and it was the hardest conversation I've ever had. She was very cool about it (read:nonchalant) and knew what to do because she'd been through it. She also recommended talking to my best friend about it, which I did (after a few drinks) and our talk sincerely reached me in a way I didn't think was possible at that point.

I still feel like a burden. Even with the semester over, I still get random anxiety attacks and I'm too afraid to see a professional about them (or my depression). I'm probably forgetting details I planned on mentioning and I might regret this in the morning. But I'm doing better now. My fiance graduated today and she was so beautiful and I was so happy to see her. I'm so lucky to be with someone so smart and caring. She treats me better than anyone I've ever met. It's just nice not to feel like a fuck-up for a while, and I really hope that feeling lasts.

TL;DR: I'm glad I'm still here. Thank you all for creating such a safe and open environment to talk about these things (thanks for reading a semi-unnecessary post if you made it all the way through) and please just know that someone cares about each and every one of you, including people in this forum. Even if you don't know me, I'm only a PM away if you ever need to talk and I value you as an individual. Stay safe and have a great weekend.

 

Wish you all the best, man.

 

Thank you. Sincerely appreciate it.

 

@Aaron Mook I am so glad that you and your fiancé can go through these rough patches together. I'm rooting for you both! ❤️

 

Me and my mom

 

I feel increasingly bitter and spiteful towards my mom, especially since she keeps needling me about my weight and making me feel even shittier about myself.

 

My mom has mostly chilled out but I can't stop being resentful, especially since she refuses to take responsibility and tries to convince me I've made it all up.

When I was a teen my parents were sorta separated but still dating other ppl and it was a toxic time. I never knew if they were together or apart. My dad moved out and was dating someone but the next week he'd be staying the night and be on a date with my mom. It was exhausting and confusing for a 13 year old. My mom did a lot of awful things during that time, and denies them all. Anyway, last night I found a mix the guy she had an affair with had made her and omg I got so mad. My lil sis wasn't old enough to remember anything so she played it. It was so awkward. My mom kept denying and getting flustered when my sis prodded her and I was just seething silently. I try to move on, and things like that happen and reignite the resentment and I just can't stop feeling this way.

 

Does anybody have a suggestion as far as deciding on seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for the first time? I've been meaning to get myself to one or the other and I just need to get going or I'll be saying the same thing forever. Like I know there's reasons for both but I just don't know where to even start since I've never had an official diagnosis, tried therapy, taken medication, or anything. I'd ask my GP for a rec/referral if I had one but I don't at this time so it complicates things

 

Hey, thank you!! I certainly commend her (and myself) for constantly putting up with each other, haha. Not everyone is so lucky.

 

Lately I've been wondering a lot if social media and sites like these are actually good for me. Like, I've been using AP and now chorus kind of as a way to get better at talking to people (I had literally no friends from 12-17, so my social anxiety is crippling to say the least) but I seem to encourage a lot of more aggressive conversation which sets me into a bit of a panic, which leads to me making everything worse. And all I do on Facebook and Twitter is watch all the people I know grow past me into happier more secure lives while I've been stuck at home doing nothing because my health becomes worse daily it seems. It's hard to find a profession when people make you have panic attacks.

 

Fucking preach. This election is going to make me pop a vein. I go through one long mood of anger, frustration, stress and anxiety almost daily because of it, and it's fucking exhausting.

 

If I go to school next semester, it will be the start of my 4th year of community college. Now that I think about it, idk how I'm going to pay for it, I was on Academic Probation for dropping to many classes, and I haven't dropped a class since, but I've also failed two, so I'm sure my GPA is below a 2.0. I don't have a car (or a license, but that should be solved soon) so I can't stop and just go work. If it that were an option, it just makes me feel like a failure. I've had an opportunity that a lot of people don't get and I've completely squandered it.

 

finding "the right " therapist isn't easy because it's hard to judge who the best fit is

 

So my mother thinks that therapy is pointless and that my brother doesn't need it, just his medication. I keep telling her that it's his choice to get therapy and she says his group therapy is costing her $5000 and she wants him to stop.

 

I am having terrible anxiety right now. I don't know why but I feel like I can't breathe. Here's to a long night.

 

So I held a solid full-time job for almost three years. I lost my brother randomly to suicide, and lost my job about a week later. Ever since that trauma, I haven't been able to hold a stable job because of anxiety. It's not even really mental anxiety, it's severly physical. I gave up on getting a job for a few years, hoping to figure myself out. I just got a job with my boyfriend and friends that I know, and I'm very excited (and mentally I'm super comfortable). Today I had to go in to process my taxes and social security... I woke up 5 hours before I had to even start getting ready for the appointment, just shaking. My heart beating so hard, for hours. I was shaking so hard that I started barfing -a lot. I don't know why I can't just chill.

 

My Twitter is full of all things mental health. If anyone would like to read them: ErinLea7

I'm not sure why I feel the need to apologize for so many tweets on mental health/sexual abuse. It's cool if anyone wants to unfollow because of it. I'll totally understand.

Here are some thing:

 

We're not clinicians but do you want to talk with one of us? It's never good to be alone when you're having suicidal ideation. I know you've probably had this thrown at you already but it really helped me when I was feeling that low. Can you go to your doc and maybe he/she can give you something? Just trying to help, not preach. Xo.

Suicide | RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network

 

Do you have anyone you can talk to? A good friend or a significant other?

 

I almost cried but just got a little teary eyed.