Thanks! Yeah, preparing for the interview should calm me down some, but realistically my anxiety will be super high until like an hour after whenever the interview ends, lol. Trying not to get my hopes up, but is nice to have something positive to dwell on right now and would move me halfway across the country, so it's a position I want.
I won't even lie, the Brand New news gave me flashbacks of my own assault at first but I got so pissed it helped.
My ex wrote down a bunch of stuff after re-reading this journal that I was writing in when we started dating but abandoned a few years ago (and I had always let her read it, nothing in there to hide) and left it for me when I came back to the apartment this morning. It crushed. I still feel so bad all the time about this, for hurting her so bad. I didn't even work today.
I haven't gotten up the courage to contact my ex yet. I'm not sure if I should. I don't want to cause her anymore pain than I already have. I just wanna explain somethings to her about why I behaved the way I did and how it was my problems that I wasn't facing that caused those things and nothing to do with her.
I hate that I've relived many hurtful experiences over the last few days and I still try to convince myself that it wasn't that bad
Me too. It's def something I've never talked about with anyone irl because part of me feels like other people have it worse. I sometimes just call it "toxic" cause I don't always feel comfortable even calling it abuse cause it wasn't as physically bad as what others face. I think sometimes too I'm still internalizing it all and processing what happened. Sometimes a random memory gets triggered and I'm like "oh, that was messed up" and I'm just realizing it now, years later. I think it's a natural reaction to try and downplay and stifle ur feelings because it's what we learned to do in the relationships we were in and u end up being second stage to ur own life and getting used to that. But what u went thru was bad and ur strong for working thru it.
I can't use the worst Toxic without thinking of Britney I definitely downplay my trauma, like I was just bullied and was forever shattered and people have been through far worse and have seemed to thrive to some extent, but I know that's unhealthy
i've made it clear in this thread that i'm feeling depressed, but its been weird cuz i've been able to do things that i normally wouldn't normally be able to do. then i just realized i'm dissociating hard af. def about to try meds this month
I feel like my friends have completely forgotten about me. I haven't seen them in over a year. I don't get invited out anymore and haven't been for a year. No one bothers to ask me how I'm doing or wants to make plans to hangout. So much has happened that they don't even know. It saddens me because I feel like I have no friends and just have to bf. There's only one friend that tries to make plans to hangout.
My best friend for the last ten years just got publicly accused by multiple people of being abusive. I'm so pissed at myself for believing him in the past. He manipulated these women, and manipulated his friends into believing him. Now he's suicidal, already tried once, because he knows what he did was wrong and I'm the person he's turning to for help. I don't want to help him. I also don't want him to kill himself because of me. I don't know what to fucking do.
This is something I've been worried about with the recent news in the entertainment industry. No doubt these are terrible people that do terrible things, but the things people say to them, or threaten them with; you have to have tough skin to stomach peoples words. I hope your friend can apologize to the people he's harmed, and find it within himself that life can still be worth living. And I'm sorry you've been put in this position, it's not fair to you to endure pain because of his actions.
I'm not going to respond individually because I don't think I have anything to add, but you're all loved and super valued - I'm sorry that you're going through difficult times, but you are awesome.
I'm having a really, really hard time just getting through work lately. I hate my job so much and I've been stuck at it for like 6 years and I'm just completely burnt out. My production is way down which means my paychecks are down. I just want a job I don't dread going to every day. I'm sick of crying every day bc I'm so miserable. But I feel completely stuck bc there are no jobs within walking distance except 1 and they aren't hiring for anything I qualify for. So then I yet again beat myself up bc I can't just fucking drive like a normal person. If I could do that I could find another job but here I am completely stuck bc as soon as I get behind the wheel I panic and puke everywhere. I need to figure out how to get over this but it seems impossible.
Phone interview is tomorrow, bright and early. Anxiety at a high and falling asleep will be a challenge. Tomorrow might suck hard.
Does anyone have any tips for dealing with someone with depression? I know it's obviously not controllable but is there anything I can do to help other than get out of the way? I've been seeing someone, everything was great and then they got into a deep funk and said a lot of really hurtful things. I try to be as mindful as possible but sometimes I'll just tune her out and not respond for awhile.
Everyone is different, but simple words of encouragement go a long way. If they're struggling to do simple things like eating, offer to help by giving them food. Let them know they can talk to you, and that if its really bad, they should try talking to a professional--even if its only for a month or so. I've found support from people I barely know, and all they have done is send me reassuring texts.
Everyone is different, as @scroopy.noopers just mentioned. Sometimes it's best just to acknowledge that they are hurting, and you don't want to pry their feelings out, but if you need to talk, get out of the house, go do something (bowling, hike, movies, etc.) that you're there for them.
I feel you, and then self care is hard because feels like people are dying and I'm here looking at corgi gifs so my brain isn't broken by it how selfish can I get
Think the interview went well. Find out next week if I get another interview. Cautiously optimistic, or trying to be.
This Lil Peep dying thing has really jarred me more than in the sense of losing a fav who meant so much.... I have so many of the same issues he did... I see so many who will claim love to me shitting on him for being a "Self destructive junkie" and things like that.... Is this how you'll see me? Despite the fight if I fail will you bury me in my darkest hour too? Irony at a time when all relationships that mattered been stripped from me or shown as nothing but toxicity. You'd crap on me and my life long fight? How can you do that to another than come to me with a faux understanding? I see the truth about your heart, and well, it sucks.
People keep wanting to show me the video of him dead... I don't wanna see it... I seen a screen cap and its enough... People don't realize how seeing death first hand really effects people. Its cute watching it on efukt to be an edgelord (shot at friends). My biggest hero and inspiration my Grandpa died and I went to pick up my Grandma from hospice and that visual never left me, the days before never left. Going there that night his eyes already sunken in, skin cold ruined a lot of parts of me. I admired, modeled, and desired to be everything that man meant to be. Peep helped me identify myself. I'm tired of death... since 2013 that's all my life been. Bout to tap out the second hand over here, move to the toes to keep count soon.
Lots of people been pouring out affection to me and I appreciate it a lot... some of it is more than I ever expected on all levels. All in hopes to make me realize there is a purpose through all this suffering I talk to them about from my family, my girl, my brother, even Peep dying hurts, and I wanna try for them but I can't make myself care and it hurts. I want to... but I just can't believe there's a reason anymore. I told myself 2017 was my all in year and it got sabotaged and wrecked, all this other stuff happened. I'm struggling and outside my girl and tryna make that happen, and a 2 friends idc anymore. Sorry for the triple post... just been a hell of a last few weeks..