Mental Health Thread • Page 155

Did she have dangerous manic episodes? How did she behave before knowing that’s what it was? How long did it take to get her medication regulated?

 

Tonight just sucks. My grandmother is staying at my house for five days, which I'm already upset about because my routine is fucked with, I don't get much alone time while she's here, and some relatives that we hardly see come over every. night. to see her, not us. It's exhausting. My grandmother and one of my cousins (he's here now) don't like our dog, and insist that he's outside or in his bed. And if my dog is in his bed he's sad and just wants company and it breaks my heart. If I or my sister say something about playing with Dane my dad swears at us and yells at him to be quiet. Too much family events / bullshit bring out the worst and make me feel awful. I hate this, I need everyone to leave, or I need to get away. I'm hiding in the bathroom because I've been crying due to discomfort and anger. I can't wait for my grandmother to leave and things go back to normal... And it's only the first night. It's going to be a tough few days, especially when I'm already breaking down. My family is insufferable at times, my dad can be terrible at the best of
Times but he hates this too and takes it out on the rest of us. I just don't know how to cope at the moment, I've been thrown completely out of my comfort zone and I'm so anxious and pissed off. I hate being angry as well because it scares me when people are mad (particularly when men yell... But that's a post for another time). Ugh

 

If only I could wake up tomorrow a totally different person with confidence and without mental illness+issues due to emotional abuse my whole life. I wouldn't mind waking up with a different family who don't scare me and aren't racists and homophobic, either.

 

I can completely relate to this sis. Hugs

 

She would never really have highs, but she definitely had extreme lows that could last for months at a time. There wasn’t a day where she’d rather not be in existence. Perpetual suiciadal thoughts. When she was a kid she hurt herself but thankfully she didn’t carry that into adulthood. But yeah, for weeks she would just stay in bed, zero sex drive at all, no contact with friends or family, just no motivation for anything really. As for how she behaved I mean, that was pretty much it, and she became pretty stubborn and wouldn’t get diagnosed. She just assumed she suffered from depression.

she didn’t get diagnosed or on her medication until after we broke up so I wasn’t with her every day, but within in a month her sex drive was heightened and she started doing much better in life, for the most part. We are very good friends now and she seems to be doing really well. Still has bad days obviously, but that’s to be expected. I don’t think she’s fallen into one of those pits of despair for awhile.

I apologize that this is fairly vague. It’s been a couple years since we were in a romantic relationship and I’m kind of hazy on what day to day life was like

 

Not doing well this week; kind of a low point actually. Doing my best to hold together during work; just so fucking miserable in every way.

 

Hi people. I fought through my worst depression from March 2016-recently. I was taking lexapro and fucking hated it. I smoked a lot of weed to self medicate myself. Just wanted to reach out to all of you and say that I am happy you are alive. I've been trying to reduce the amount of substances I allow myself to feel numb. I'm the happiest I've ever been and it took me this long to realize that. I hope you all have a great day.

 

I've been debating on taking anti-depressants, but I'm worried about it making me worse. I already struggle with fighting the desire to be dead, and I don't know how I will act if I react badly to the meds. Smoking weed helps sometimes. Like, it is a miracle what it can do for me sometimes. The problem is that its only sometimes, and I never recognized any pattern to know when those times are.

This is a really personal question, but has anyone checked themselves into a hospital before? In the moments when I'm feeling so bad that I'm disoriented, I've thought about going to a hospital, but I don't even know how I could do that, or afford it, or what would happen to me afterward, or if it is even necessary.

 

I know many people that have success with zoloft. I'm on two things but I want to pull the plug on both so I can try zoloft. I've thought about rehab but I never got to the point where I thought it was necessary for me. I probably should have though. There were a few times where people I knew who saw me in the condition I was in had no clue what to do with me. College was rough sometimes.

 

Taking a break from this site did really great for my mental health this past week, especially since I was on a nice vacation. There's certain threads where people just love to gather up and attack you, knowing it's hurting you and getting on your nerves. Bully culture is the worst. Sometimes you forget and come back to it and have to adjust again. I've met some cool people on here though, always happy for that.

Btw my new therapist is pretty awesome so far, my old one apologized to me for all the bad she did. I accepted the apology but it still doesn't help or change what she did, I hope she learns from it so other people don't get into the same situation more than anything.

I feel a little less anxious, I think I'm going to try to restart some of my life again and try to make it better. I've been pretty depressed for awhile, this year has been really heavy.

 

I don’t know what to do anymore or why I’m posting but here goes. At least once a day I think about offing myself. It’s not something I think I’m going to do, but it’s something I see happening in the next few years or so. I don't think there’s a future for me. I have some people who want to help and try their best. The only time I can get these thoughts to not happen is smoking but it’s only temporary and it’s just as bad later on. I can’t afford a therapist. I’ve been on Cymbalta a few months but I’m not convinced it’s helped me quell depressing or anxiety so I lash out in rage and end up destroying my belongings or bashing my head or fists into a wall or door. It ends up making everything worse but it feels like the only thing I can do. I barely have the motivation to move anymore. I’ve tried talking to my parents about this before and it’s ended terribly. I have a girlfriend who tries her best to help but I don’t think it’s fair she has to put up with me and would rather her be happy with someone else who can be someone she can depend on.
I don’t know why I’m here or even what I’m supposed to be asking. Sorry.

 

I am sorry that you feel that way. I have felt that way at times too, but please keep living. I hope things get better for you very soon

 

I'm really sorry that you feel this way. You deserve everything amazing in the world. You also deserve to be well. Just know that you don't have to have everything figured out and that this world is demonstrably better with you in it than it is without you. I know many will agree, but my PM box is always open.

 

A Quick Start Guide to Healing Trauma + Emotional Wounds and Returning to a State of Wholeness

With all the craziness and depravity going on in the world, thought I’d write up this quick guide to healing here. This is the process I use, based on modalities like Internal Family Systems, Focusing, John Bradshaw’s work, spiritual practices, and just my own experience:

1) Sit or lay down with yourself in quiet, and breathe until you’re calm and grounded in your own body

2a) Locate and identify your feelings one of two ways: either by bringing your attention to the sensations in your body (usually your stomach, chest, neck, head), or think about a time when an emotional issue arises in your life

2b) Good ways to identify emotional issues from your life: times you’re “triggered” and emotionally overreact, patterns in your life where you keep getting pulled back, irrational fear, traumatic events/issues you’re consciously aware of but need to process, resistance you feel towards taking positive action in life, childhood rules/shame created by your parents (bringing one of them to mind and focusing on the sensations that arise is a great way to do this)

3a) Instead of trying to shove the feeling that comes up away, breathe into it and feel it fully. Once you let it express itself, give it friendly curiosity. Treat that part of you with compassion instead of disdain

3b) The emotion that first arises is usually a “protector” -- an emotion that exists to cope with deeper pain. These are things like anger, fear, desire, pride, apathy (although feeling deeper shame/guilt/sadness at first is also possible). You want to first accept this protective self then gently self inquire to get to the cause of the feeling

4) Ask yourself questions like this, using fear as an example:

What do you think would happen if you weren’t so afraid?
What makes you feel so afraid?

Then wait for an emotion to arise. You’re not trying to get analyze yourself or logically come up with an answer. Good therapy/healing is based on the communication *of* feelings, not about feelings. You want let go of the conscious mind the access the subconscious pain. So just let whatever comes up come up, don’t consciously force it. Emotions want to be expressed -- you just have to give them the chance.

5) At this point the deeper “exiled” pain should come to the surface. Like I already said, do not resist it. This can accompanied by traumatic memories, an “epiphany” type feeling, or a short description of the feeling. Regardless, fully feel and accept everything that arises. This can accompanied by tenseness, the desire to kick/move/get away, tears (tears are a good thing and i have cried so many) etc.

6) Deeply breathe or yawn to fully allow the emotion to come up and through you. Let those tears out because you deserve to feel, and feel better. All emotions come to an end when fully felt (in fact the only way to guarantee your emotions stick around is to continue repressing them). When you do this you should feel much lighter and more peaceful.

7) Ask yourself, “is there anything else to this?” This can be when some of the biggest epiphanies/deep healing take place.

8) Finally you want to embrace yourself and give yourself unconditional love. If memories came up you can visualize giving yourself what you needed at that time -- a hug, empathy, acceptance, attunement, love, understanding. You can also visualize yourself protecting your younger self and telling the person who hurt you what they did, why they were wrong, how they caused you suffering, what you resent them for (this can be cathartic af). And you can even take your younger self away to a beautiful place and kick it with them. The sky's the limit with visualizing, but even if you don’t the most important things is creating that warm feeling of love and belonging in your body.

9) Wipe away your tears, congratulate yourself, and smile -- you fucking did it. You’re now a more whole and free human being.

When you continue with this process, a natural feeling of spirituality and connectedness emerges. You’re no longer shackled to the past. You’re free to move forward in whatever way is authentic to you, inspired to give your unique gifts to the world from a space of love.

From here you can really open up to others and let them into your heart, let them see all the darkened spots. Real intimacy can develop.

But maybe most importantly, remember that you are not alone. We’ve all been through pain. And we are here for you.

Much love everyone

 

Been drinking far too much lately, just to numb enough to get through the day, even Brittany has told me stop. We have issues, working on, don't know what tomorrow will bring... I don't even know if I care, I just know I care about her.
I don't wanna be morbid or dramatic but I made this life into something for her, us, and it... to have it stripped away from me cus of other's kills me... and each day I take another step back to the edge I prided myself stepping back away from over this past year...

I don't know whats going on anymore, and I don't care, caring hurts.

 

Today is the anniversary of my aunt's death. She died in a car crash a long time ago that I was also in but obv I survived. It always feels weird. I don't keep track of the anniversary but my mom always texts me on the day bc it was her twin sister and idk she just wants to tell me she's glad I'm still here, which is nice even if we don't always see eye to eye. I saw my grandpa earlier today and he didn't even mention it. He got up and I thought he was gonna hug me but he didnt, and I'm not physically affectionate so I didn't hug him either, and now I regret it. I didn't realize what day it was yet tho.

 

I was a huge fan of Brand New. They were my favourite band, and Jesse's words helped me find strength to keep living and get better in my toughest times. And now, I've been through all the stages of grief as I've taken in the news and worked through my emotions. Giving up the band was always going to be a given to me, but the hardest part for me at the moment is recognising Jesse's actions in my first boyfriend's behaviour...

So, I met my first boyfriend when I was 13. We started dating a few days before my 14th birthday. All I wanted was the romance from movies, and I desperately craved attention and care as a lot had happened in my life and I didn't know how to deal with it. Here comes this boy, 2 years older than me, and he makes me feel special. He promises me a future together, he supports me. And yet, he wouldn't tell anyone about us. I was his secret. How could I know that's a red flag at that age? Things were great for 6 months. We were together for another three, but things were... Off. He'd disappear on me for weeks at a time, I'd be worried sick, and he'd always have an exude when he came back and convinced me that he loved me. I told my friends all about our relationship and when they said anything negative about him or told me he was only going to hurt me, he told me to cut them off. We broke up one afternoon and I was crying at the bus stop. I knew things weren't right but I wanted to believe we'd be okay. I found out he was cheating on me for the three months things were off, and I was absolutely devastated.

I begged him to come back, and kept asking why he didn't love me, what I did wrong, why I wasn't good enough for him. We got back together and I was so happy. He dumped me again two weeks later. I became furious and both of us said horrible things to each other. We tried being friends again a few months later. He'd moved on with the person he cheated on me with, but continued flirting with me and acted like we were still together. Then the radiosilence again. Then the messages from his girlfriend saying he only stayed around because he felt sorry for me. That broke my heart, and I started cutting out anyone close to me,'I believed they'd hurt me like he did and couldn't do it.

Also, I was so close to dating my best friend at one stage... He knew this. This was at one of the times where everything was great and we we're friends. I was 16 at this point. My best friend asked me out and I said yes. That night, my ex and I talked until 5am and he was promising me a future again... The next day I told my best friend that I couldn't date him and he was mad and upset and my ex disappeared on me again

There was a year or so of silence. One day, in June 2014, he adds me on Facebook. I accepted, he apologised to me (nothing was specific in this apology), and I forgave him. I figured, surely he wouldn't be the same now? He was there when I was having panic attacks. he celebrated my 18th birthday with me. We still had that secret friendship / flirting thing going and I thought I was in love with him again, he was back,'things were great... And then he disappeared for the final time in October 2014. Again, I questioned my self worth, but this time, I was angry. I had been seeing a counsellor and she helped me immensely. I had no space for toxicity in my life, and I had to realise that he was toxic and very manipulative. I was not the only girl. He treated the girl he cheated on me with exactly the same. He knew everything about me but only shared select tidbits about himself with me. It scares me that he's out there probably still doing this. And I hate that Jesse Lacey, a man I once sought solace in through his music, has done the same things and worse as what I've experienced. It's been a very rough few days but I'm coping better than I ever thought I would, despite triggers coming up everywhere

 

This whole ordeal has affected me too. I dated someone older than me when I was 17. I knew it was wrong cause I kept it secret for a few months but I was convinced he was ~different and I was mature and that others didn't get it. He was tortured and was recovering from addictions but he acted as if he was on the upswing and positioned himself as someone who was healed and helping others thru their addictions. I didn't know he wasn't ever sober. I see all the red flags looking back and the tests he'd give to see if I was going to fall for his manipulation, which I did every time. Whenever I did try to leave he would blame his behavior on his past and addictions and I felt like I couldn't leave him in a time of need. He cheated on me and I forgave him but he never trusted me and was extremely controlling. He'd call me names and throw things at me and threaten to kill me, but somehow I was always the one begging him to stay. He began to isolate me from friends and tried to isolate me from family but i was too close with them so it didn't work. He gaslighted me so much I started questioning my reality. He convinced me that everyone was as dark and twisted and as messed up as him, but he was the only one who had my interests at heart. Everything felt hopeless and he convinced me i was too naive to exist without him. It got to the point where I couldn't even make eye contact with other men because it would upset him, and he'd look thru my phone regularly. To this day I still don't know what all he lied about so I assume he lied about everything. He finally got arrested and I made my break while he was in jail, tho he tried to manipulate me back in a few times and tried to ruin my reputation, but the clean break let me clear my head enough to stay away. I actually didn't even start realizing I was in an abusive relationship until I listened to Christina Aguilera's music and it helped empower me to leave. and when I got out of the relationship I listened to her albums probably 10x a day for months. I don't expect her to be perfect and she has serious flaws, but if anything came out about her like this I could only imagine how devastated I would be. I feel for everyone in this situation who is struggling. The survivors foremost, his family, and everyone trying to heal and wondering how to move forward. If anyone here needs support, we are all here to help.

 

i just realized how tired i am of being made anxious by literally everything all the time lol

 

I've just long accepted that somehow my anxiety will be the death of me.

 

i've always said i'm in many ways an old person, particularly cause of how i get lost in worry, but i actually sometimes feel ancient

 

You are both so damn brave and courageous to work through these relationships.

 

Thank you in a sad way, I'm just glad he disappeared on me and I sorta got used to it by the time he did it for the last time. I'd hope that I could be strong if he ever comes back. I don't think he will, but he knows exactly how to push me right where he wants me

 

Thanks! Upsides are I got into feminism and am def less tolerant of male bs now and I think my self worth in general is higher. Downside is that relationship ended like almost 6 years ago and I still haven't been able to date srsly since womp womp lol. Luckily thru it all I continued to work and go to school so my life wasn't derailed as much as it could've been!

 

Actually heard back from a job I applied to and they want to do a phone interview! Pretty excited. But my anxiety is through my roof.