Mental Health Thread • Page 154

Sorry to hear that, man.

 

My anxiety is so bad it holds me back from getting a job like anywhere, I'm so bad when it comes to dealing with people.. it sucks knowing I probably won't change /:

 

Starbucks has made counselors available for anyone who was there on Thursday during the shooting. My district manager reached out to me to let me know but I haven't heard from our HR people yet about it.

I think I do need to talk to someone, even though I can't really even explain how I feel about the whole thing. I don't feel any overt sadness or anxiety but I feel like I've just been walking around in a haze the last couple of days.

 

For those who think about suicide...how do you talk yourself down from considering it?

 

In all honesty, I think about my family. I know I'm supposed to want to say no for myself but it hurts me more to think about what it would do to my sister and dad. I'm still here though so I guess whatever works. I hope you're not feeling that way. DM me if you need me.

 

Like @AelNire said, I couldn’t imagine putting the people I love through that trauma. If you need anything at all, our DM’s are open.

 

I try to remember I don't really want to die. I really just want all the bad feelings to stop. Plus, like others have said, I couldn't do that to my girlfriend. She'd be the one to find me and I would never ever do that to her, I just couldn't.

 

thank you so much for the responses @BirdPerson @AelNire and @bigmike My family is what I usually think of too but sometimes the pain is just too much that I worry its not enough. I didn't know if there are any other things that help you all.

 

DM me any time @Yasqueen4 like others have said, I think of my loved ones. I couldn't traumatise my sister like that. Thoughts of her bring me back down instantly. I also don't want my dog living without me, and I can't hurt my boyfriend. They motivate me to keep going. Stay safe my dear

 

i still can't completely stop entertaining the thought of suicide. i can talk myself down by thinking of people who are close to me, but i don't rule it out ever. i'd like to hope that when i reach an age when i become increasingly more alone, that i'd be in a completely better headspace, but i can't say for sure.

spun pretty far out of control the past few weeks making a great series of terrible decisions which all exploded this weekend. everything is fucked--school, my relationship with my partner, my employment status. finally going to a therapist tomorrow; i really need to talk to someone

 

Sometimes I think that fictional worlds are so much better than irl. But if I want more adventure or friends or a different setting or anything I know I have the power to change my life. I mean within reason I can. I am just too scared, espesh to leave my family.

I was thinking of how the other day my little sister was yelling about how annoying I am and how our other sister agrees with how I'm apparently too preoccupied with race and other things and nobody feels comfortable talking about anything around me and I always think I'm right and I'm sanctimonious and etc and I started thinking about how maybe I should just say screw it and move away and start my own life elsewhere. Like if everyone is so annoyed by me I should just leave and maybe if they saw me less they'd think I wasn't as annoying and I could get on and live my life. But then my sister came over and brought me something for my migraine today and now I'm like "...but family" again lol. Idk.

I do need to change something. I am thinking of getting another job, working at it for two years for a bit more experience, and then moving away. It just sucks being so family-oriented because it holds me back from leaving even tho I think that's what I need to do to be happy.

 

a few months off of zoloft. i have been doing very well, certainly much better than i should be given i went cold turkey on a prescription i had grown pretty dependent on. last night i had a stupid meltdown for 10-15 minutes but was able to reason myself back to earth. i have accepted i have a fear of dying alone and that's a thing i really need to work on.

 

So I was told flat out today my family is trying to ruin my relationship BECAUSE of the fact they are ashamed to have to say they'd have half black grandchildren/nephews/neices etc... I knew they were racist but I didn't think theyd make a vendetta against my life. Hearing someone tell you they literally won't be a grandmother to your future children is a lil jarring. They literally told me just suck it up we have bigger issues atm than your relationship. Excuse Me? You are angry at me for being upset about you sabotaging my relationship but then tell me im an asshole cus I want nothing to do with you for it? You're literally angry I'm angry so in turn you ruin lives.. mine and hers..

 

Turns out I become a defensive asshole when I get into a confrontation. And I always feel the need to be included, so I talk over people and co-opt stories in conversations.

I didn't realize I caused people so many problems.

I just ordered a few books to read on this

 

I think about the people left behind. I think about how they'd react and the impact it'd have on them. I weight that against the reason I'm even thinking about it in the first place. Their lives would be completely ruined if it happened.

 

Today hasn’t been kind to me. Don’t know what’s going on with me but I’ve felt miserable all day to the point of nearly breaking down at work. Didn’t even run like I normally do after work either. I just feel so sad and alone right now.

 

We love you Joe. You know where to find me on multiple social media outlets. Reach out to me on any of them day or night

 

Does anyone here have bipolar disorder or experience dealing with a friend/relative that’s been diagnosed?

 

I’ll tell you exactly what you told me man: all lines of communication are open. PM’s, text, whatever. Don’t hesitate at all. You fuckin rule

 

I reached out to my ex today about my daughter and things went mostly well. However, in her last text I got, she basically got passive aggressive with me after I explained that I did relapse before we broke up and it influenced how I acted. That was a great source of shame on my part and something I’ve regretted since. It was more or less like “SORRY knowing I was pregnant stressed you to relapse, that you went back on what you told me when we together, and me and the baby couldn’t help you, and I hope you stick with counseling.”

Like there was much more to that and she knows that. She knows she ignored my texts towards the end when I reached out to her (we were three hours apart at the time when she was pregnant.), she knows she played her part in our breakup, and I damn sure she knows that she explicitly told me to not contact her and to stay away from her and the child. Like the nerve of her to try and gaslight me, to act like she was always in the right. This was exactly what I was worried about reaching out to her, ugh.

 

hope today goes better for you. I'm here if you need me

 

went for a screening yesterday. i felt really terrible afterward. but i'm realizing i have ppl who've only been in my life for less than a year are a nice support group. then i listened to some saosin and cried cuz i miss my brother and playing music with him and in general. i can barely talk about it without tearing up. i just wanna take a day off from life to have a good long cry

 

I have Borderline Personality Disorder which includes some aspects of bipolar disorder.

 

I’m unhappy with my body. I’m unhappy with certain aspects of my health. I’m unhappy with how I’m performing in school. I feel like a human piece of garbage lately. The only thing I ever look forward to is spending time with friends and family, which is nice but not really productive to what I should be doing to benefit my life. I’ve never felt less on top of things than I do right now.

Also, and I think I mentioned this a few months ago, but I’ve been dealing with anxiety, which is pretty new for me. Not like social anxiety...but like the thought of having to perform or speak in front of people makes me feel incredibly nauseated. I used to get nerves, that’s normal, but now I get nauseous and it’s the worst. I have a presentation to give in the morning and I’ve been dreading it all semester.

To be honest, I could lie in bed all day and dick around on my phone and that would be like a perfect day, which I don’t like. I just feel tired :/

 

My ex of over three years has bipolar disorder. She was not diagnosed this until after we broke up though, and then she got on medication and I think it’s been very beneficial for the most part.