Mental Health Thread • Page 148

Thank you, I'm doing my best to be kind to myself and fight it. I know that the people in my life love me and support me but I haven't always been that lucky, you know? Just need to keep going and be honest with my friends when I don't have the energy, they're understanding and lovely.

Thank you for taking some time to respond to me, I hope you're having a nice day/night wherever you are :)

 

These past couple of months I’ve watched my relationship deteriorate to the point that by the end of the month I’ll be moving back into my old apartment because cohabitating has become unbearable lately. I’ve been doing alright these past couple of months, especially given I’ve given up zoloft as well as alcohol, so both my medication and my selfmedication. But today I’m using the holiday to clean out the closet and pack things up and separate my stuff from hers and I’ve just been in a steady state of crying for hours. It’s nuts how fast things can change.

I am very fortunate and have had loved ones, unprompted, blowing up my phone today. But I think about how much I tried over these last two years and that it all collapsed and I just want to sleep for a week.

 

I'm trying not to be mad but I'm seriously almost in a hulksmash rage. The news/social media is stigmatizing mental health YET AGAIN bc Stephen Paddock had a Valium prescription. Like wtf. People try to advocate and help break down the stigma and then this crap happens. Leave us the fuck alone lmao.

 

I was in this situation last Summer exactly. I am so much better and moving out helped so much. Also, everyone kept telling me once I was out I would feel better and I didn't believe it but it was a major relief. Keep your head up!

 

Thinkin' of you brother. Plenty of people to talk to on here if you need it, as I'm sure you're aware.

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck today. So bad from start to finish. This week is gonna blow.

 

I'm so sick of this. Looked out the window at uni and saw this message in the sky. I hope people who are voting "no" to my fucking human right to marry are pleased with themselves for making me and countless others cry all the time

 

It's World Mental Health Day so here's a pointless post because I'm struggling today. Neat.

Been battling with depression since high school - self harm, constant self-deprecating thoughts and words, thoughts of suicide, etc. Finally found a therapist last year that I connected with (I'd had one several years ago when I lived in another city, but I moved away). Started making some real progress, but this summer, she moved and I was transferred to another therapist that I have not been able to click with at all.

Since then, I've fallen hard back into old habits and have been beating myself pretty regularly. Don't even really bother trying to talk to people about it anymore because everyone just freaks out, which is understandable, I guess, but is also really unhelpful. Sometimes it really does feel like this is just a thing that I have to live with and be okay with for the rest of my life, which is pretty defeating. Still trying to hold onto hope that I could somehow make some progress again and maybe be even slightly more healthy than I am now. At least that's what I'm holding onto today. I'm sure others are trying to do the same.

No idea why I'm posting this, but I'm sure I'll hate myself for it approximately two minutes after clicking "Post Reply" because I am an anxiety-riddled lunatic.

 

This is pretty much the case for me as well (except I've never been to a therapist - in my case it was friends/relationships ending/moving away that was what wrecked progress). That trying to talk about it and everyone freaks out is my life as well; really unhelpful as you said, some are even at the point where they think its a broken record/heard this before.
I never said anything for YEARS cus why would I? Considering when I was 16 and tried to open up about being suicidal to family and was told I'm pathetic. So I always was like why bother? Then someone would come along I clicked with and I'd try and befriend/open up to them since for whatever reason people love to open up to me.
That hope you speak of is super hard, I battle everyday with my hopeful side and my nihilistic side, both agitating the depression if one side is too tended to than the other. There's like 2 sides, a "Look Josh, you got your fiancee with you, you're building on life, and it's a climb to stability but we're on the mountain finally" vs. "None of this shit ever works out anyway, and tbh do we really even care anymore? Just end this shit already." But all I can do is just push forward and chip away at the progress tree.

Sorry you deal with this too, hope you can find some peace. Everyone here, myself included will gladly be an ear/support when and if you ever need it.

 

I had a conversation with my girl the other day and she was asking me to explain why I do this or that or respond emotionally how I do and I'm sitting there like idk, I just feel and it comes out, I can't hide my emotions. Even she tells me I wear it on my face incredibly, so I don't lie.... within reason, I don't like being over the top but depression I guess can take me there unintentionally. All this lead to a "Well tell me, what is it like?" and I couldn't really think of a better way than to tell her there is times it's obvious I'm unhappy, and you get on me sometimes saying its exhausting... i get that.
But there is also times we can be happy as can be, spending time together, or I could be with friends having a good time but theres a amorphous smirk in the back of my head always pulling some strings at some point in the day. Some day its not bad and I can joke it off with my token morbid/dark humor, other times I can be battling a feeling of worthlessness and a voice in my head urging suicide... and I'm just there tryna battle that mood, not be a debbie downer, and being frustrated I can't completely go internal to handle effectively like I need to in those times.

She started to cry, so I did too. But we were there for each other and comforted one another... First time I had a "Well help me understand" conversation and in turn getting understanding of how my feelings impact people too.

 

No, but I'm looking that up now haha.

 

I avoided taking it because I heard a lot of people had excruciating stomach pain... Be careful

 

"Cures depression"? Sounds like bullshit off top.... No offense. If it works by all means I'm happy for people but I never heard anything about a "cure" just treatments and tbh if someone presented me something saying it was a cure I'd take it as patronizing or a sign I'm being finessed.

 

That's a nope for me. Good looking out.
My stomach is weak enough haha

 

Ah makes sense then, my Mom doesn't even respect depression (even though she clearly has it itself), generational thing I guess. Would be a weary if thats any sort of the hyperbole behind a depression med, though lol.

 

I need an outlet. Something, because life sucks and I need to have an escape. It's actually awful cause I used to pride myself on having fairly decent coping skills. But now I find myself not able to de-stress and it's just building higher and higher and I feel stressed and angry a lot. It's not like me at all. I just watched a video with Demi Lovato doing jiu jitsu and I was like dang I wish I had a hobby like that where it's a positive distraction. I honestly have nothing right now. I am the queen of starting stuff, getting rly into it for like a month and raving about how helpful it is, and then quitting. so idk what I should even try.

 

Having one of those days where I feel like my partner is way too good to me and I don't really deserve it. He has never made me feel bad about myself. But I overslept this morning and I was beating myself up for that already, and then I watched the video messages he left for me, he's just... So sweet and caring and has all these ideas to impress me / make my days. Then there's me, not creative at all, forgetful, tired and can't get a single thought straight. Meh. I feel like I totally suck.

 

That just means that you complement each other and that your weaknesses are his strengths and I'm betting his weaknesses are your strengths! You just make a badass team tbh!

 

whenever I think of getting a hobby I get all anxious because I can't think of one and then I think there's something wrong with me for not having a hobby or a thing

 

Haha, thank you! I really appreciate this

 

Feels great when u have plans you've been looking forward to and the other person forgets. Like what am I even supposed to say back to the text?? Cause I always feel like an idiot who cares more and idk I just always feel stupid. I always say something to try and come off breezy even tho I'm upset lol

 

Lol and then I give another chance like hey do you still wanna do something then? And nope. Just sucks. I'd been looking forward to it all week cause this week sucked and now I'm gonna do laundry, clean my house, and watch movies alone. Yay.

 

it really truly sucks to be who i am on every level for so many reasons. i can't go a day without forgetting and having to be reminded of why. nobody understands and everyone just wants to argue instead of being forward thinking with solutions. people get so defensive. Please, ASK QUESTIONS. Try to have a calm & reasonable conversation. Don't be defensive. I'm tired of arguing and I don't want to anymore.

 

Okay luckily for me Friday the 13th is a glorious day filled with horror movie marathons and the night was salvaged. Thank u to the holy spirit of Jason Voorhees and Deadly Women reruns

 

I barely kept it together at work today. Just wanted to break down. Was helped a little that someone brought in puppies which helped my mood a little and that I went to happy hour after work with some co-workers I can actually stand to be around.