Mental Health Thread • Page 145

Just really not doing well at all. And now my car might have a coolant leak. Not spending another dime on the stupid fucking thing, but buying another car doesn't appeal to me. Least I found out about this potential issue before I bought a new phone, but fuck me.

 

I am cracking the fuck up. Two more days of work to get through....

 

I was able to get them checked into a hospital, thank you for the offer!

 

that's good to hear. I hope they are alright.

 

After years of feeling tired/low energy all the time, drowsy, slurred (and slower than usual) speech, sexual dysfunction, memory loss, emotional numbness, etc, my clinic finally admitted that they've been overmedicating me and chopped my dosage down by half. I feel like a weight is off my shoulders as I've tried explaining to them for a couple years how shitty the medication made me feel. I don't feel the feels as much anymore (could barely even naturally feel emotional when my dad, aunt, uncle and grandma died during that time). I've been in this void of emotional flatlining for years and it's only gotten worse. Now they've finally acknowledged it, and are maybe looking into alternatives. Part of me wants to sue them if I thought I could handle all the mess that goes into that process.

 

I'm feeling really terrible and lonely today. Can't wait for a new day and to feel normal again.

 

The other day mtv played Scars by Papa Roach and I was like oh hey I used to like that song a lot lemme add it to Spotify. So I was singing along loudly in the car and out of nowhere kinda choked up a bit. Idk if it's cause it reminded me of my ex but it was weird cause I didn't think I really had any feelings about that now. I feel more emotionally removed from it but maybe it's just chilling subconsciously. Idk. Weird haha.

 

A random number called me four times today. I spent the whole day feeling anxious, thinking it was the guy who sexually harassed me or one of the people who anonymously bullied me on tumblr and happened to know a lot about me. Ugh. It sucks being taken back to a hopeless place and losing it over phone calls (it was just someone contacting me with the wrong number)

 

Been behind the past few days. Just wanted to say you're all dope, and I love you all

 

I am back to feeling really depressed. I need to get out of my job very badly, but theres no where for me to apply that offers full time with good benefits. Everything I can apply to that doesn't require a license, cert, or crazy requirements is too far away, and places within reasonable distance is part time or on call. I am miserable and I don't know what to do.

 

I've been feeling extra lonely lately and it just sucks. I keep seeing all these fun things to do and then I'm like oh yeah....you have no one to do anything with so never mind! I just wish I had friends to hang out with and talk with. I basically sit at home by myself all day and the only person I really do anything with on a regular basis is my mom. And a lot of it is her just feeling bad for me so she will try and make plans with me so I'm not sitting here like a slug. Which I really, really appreciate....but it would just be really nice to have some friends. I feel like I've never had great friends and I have always just been someone people hang out with when everyone else is busy and then when they don't need me anymore they just stop talking to me. I've been trying to be more open and outgoing which is really hard with my anxiety but I've been talking to people in line at shows and things. We seem to get along great and we end up hanging out a few times, but they already have a ton of friends and a boyfriend so then it's back to only hanging out once in a blue moon because they are bored and no one else is free.

 

I'm in pretty much the same boat! If you ever spend a day in Chicago we can hang out:)

 

I'm really excited to spend this weekend with my bff who I haven't really seen since I moved out. I've seen her for a few minutes here or there but I'm eager to catch up. So im all looking forward to it and being a cornball and when I text to confirm when we're leaving on saturday, she doesn't even remember we're doing anything. We're staying at a hotel out of state like how do you even forget that? It wasn't even like I jogged her memory and then she remembered. She was like wut? Where? When? Why are we going? Who are we seeing in concert?? I talked to her about it a week and a half ago, and a few times before that. It's just another time I feel like an idiot cause I feel like I care more than she does. I am ready to stop making an effort in the friendship. This was kinda my last big attempt to plan something with her and I just feel sad and stupid.

 

I am just so fucking done with my job. Need a new one, stat. Sigh.

 

I'm in a really weird headspace.

like, I don't even know how to explain it. It's just really weird.

 

Been really worried about my brother with everything he's going through with his case, his girl being in jail, bangin pills, my girl sees lil puddles in sinks clearly from him shooting up (she went to go to the bathroom at 3 last night and someone was in there tryna not seem like someone is) and its all be substantiated... and I'm worried about him, and in turn my family (mom especially). He always was like my Mom in not really thinking mental health is something that can't just be overstepped "If you really want it".... sorry life finally slapped him back down to earth hard enough to make him realize our family is touched by that and so are you.
its upsetting and I don't know what to do, talking to him is really not working dude and his girl both seems hell bent on dodging and tryna turn a blind eye to what is clearly going on until life comes and gets them..... like his girl getting arrested out of our house, his bedroom with him there.
it's time for his eyes to open and everyone is struggling with getting them so and its straining everyone and stressing them even more on top of the concern for him.

and to make matters worse, my mom applies pressure to me and my girl to make herself feel better about the non progress from my brother seeing the progress me and my girl made on our own without help or prodding, asking for money to help cover the holes he creates everything from that to moving out (which I know is so inevitably that girl who got him into all this) would move in - which even my mom don't wont but would get finessed on... frustrating.

 

Get. It. Bro. You're doing awesome!

 

I hate feeling that I'm a total mental mess. I went to class today and every time my professor says anything, I feel a billion times dumber because I've forgotten everything he's taught in the last year. I feel like I'm shunted aside at my internship but I can't bring myself to speak up about wanting to get my experience working patients and following the doctor's cases.

i can never bring myself to quit this program because I've gotten so far and learned so much, and yet, it feels like I haven't progressed at all and I just now passed on a class trip to a conference in new orleans because i'm tearing up myself on whether or not I should go because it's a) expensive and the school may not have enough to cover even the registration fee, b) only two in the class are going for sure because of a), and c) unfamiliar city and a fuckload of people at the conference. i don't deal well with huge, and i mean huge amounts of people.

 

I'm also deeply convinced that half my classmates don't like me because I usually have nothing to say or that I'm unpleasant to be around.

 

Don't force yourself to try and finish a program you have trouble with or aren't enjoying.

I had the mental breakdown, terrible academic record, and the $90k in debt to hopefully be an example.

 

I always enjoy talking to you and seeing your posts on here.

I feel you though. Been in a weird funk again lately of feeling invisible and unimportant.

 

It's not that I hate it or I'm not enjoying it, it's that I feel nothing from it. I have the spring semester left; I'm finishing it no matter what. I'

 

Hard night. I just don’t want to upset anyone if I go. A vacation would be nice.

 

I feel like a piece of human garbage lately

 

Been a weird day. I've just been thinking over a lot of stuff, so I'm sorry for the incoming scattered post.

Three people I knew died this week. Not people I knew very well, one was my cousins grandfather and the other two were family friends. I've been trying to just switch off my emotions because I know each of them were over 90 years old and all my grandmother's friends will pass now... but it's left me shaken. I hate that it's getting to a point where people I've known my whole life are dying pretty often.

My abusive ex boyfriend's name has popped up on Facebook via that on this day feature. We haven't spoken in three years, but seeing his name pop up out of nowhere triggered a whole lot of memories of everything that happened. I should've blocked him a long time ago, I know, but I'm not usually that active on Facebook. I just blocked him tonight. I think a small part of me hoped that he'd try to message me again so I could tell him everything he did fucked me up and I didn't deserve it. I wanted him to know that I let him back in my life once, despite everything that happened in our relationship, and he hurt me even more when we were friends. But it's been three years and he abandoned me when I was at my worst and it took me a long time to accept that he'd never come back. I'm glad I blocked him but it's just so sudden and too much.

My boyfriend has been going through a rough patch. I won't elaborate since it's his business, but he's been worried that it's been affecting me. Tbh, the thing that affects me is not being able to help and not being able to hold him at night after long days. Distance is so brutal at times like this. Both of us have been busy and tired this week, so we've had even less time together than usual. It sucks just waiting for the weekend so we can finally spend quality time together, but it is what it is and I wouldn't give up on him no matter how hard it is.

Music and this website (especially the people in the Science Fiction thread, who have made me feel so welcome and like I'm part of a happy friendship group) have really kept me going when I feel like I'm losing control and tempted to isolate myself. I'm sure I had more on my mind earlier but I've forgotten now