I had a mini-breakdown last night but feel fine today. Overall I am proud of how I am handling life in general right now, these same scenarios would have made me a disaster even just a year ago.
I'm excited about the 3-day weekend and hopeful it'll give me time to just sort of relax and de-stress a little. Been pretty on edge and anxious about a lot of things.
She ended up not being able to meet that night due to her puppy being sick. But we've been texting since and she seems really nice. :) We're trying to set up another time to meet.
Okay, so it didn't seem like a blow-off? That's good! I was nervous when you didn't respond for days!
No, the way she told me and how bad she felt made it seem legitimate. Plus she's invited me to a couple things since. Thanks for being so nice about it :)
Work is so stressful and i don't know how to self care. I don't have a partner or live with a roommate or family to vent to. All I do is stew about it. I can't stop thinking about it. At night I can't sleep cause I'm stressing. I wake up in the middle of the night stressing. Its consuming everything. I need to start working out again cause that helped, but I'm so done after work I need to make it a good habit again. Like I know what self care is lol but I don't have a fun hobby I can lose myself in or anything like that. I just come home angry and stay angry. This weekend my friend is house sitting at this secluded house in the mountains with a hot tub and I am excited for that even tho it sounds like the plot to a horror movie or something lol. But generally idk how to chill.
I feel you, it's hard because I never feel like I deserve self care and beat myself up for not having a hobby or an interest which isn't helpful who could have ever imagined I'm also not a venter though, talk about my feelings no thanks
I'll only vent with certain people and it has taken me a LONG time to get to that point lol. When I was a teenager you'd have to pry any hint of feelings out of me with the force of God haha. I tried rewatching Mad Max Fury Road cause it was on tv but I was still all stressed. And I considered taking a bath but I was so cranky that it sounded like too much work. Then I thought I should read a book but all my books are these heavy sociology books that are super interesting but suck my soul out more. I'm just gonna power through until my 3 day weekend I guess!!
I was so excited to get full time at work. I thought maybe I could finally move out and find some independence. Then I looked at apartments in the city and I can only maybe afford the one that apparently has bedbugs. And it ended up not even mattering bc my hours got cut back again bc of course. I feel like I am going to be stuck here forever and it is a terrible feeling to have.
Ok I'm gonna take a moment to be terrible and selfish. Tomorrow is supposed to be my self care day. A friend is house sitting in a great secluded house and me and another friend are supposed to spend the night, eat, chill, hot tub, wine, etc. However the other friend just got a new foster child who is 2 and she has to bring her now and its so selfish but I'm bummed af. I always get really cranky when I have expectations of how something will go and it doesn't go as planned. I'm sorry but I work with kids so hanging out with one all day isn't relaxation to me. Now we're gonna have to keep an eye on them all night when I wanna chill because I've been extremely stressed all week. I'm so upset and let down. I'm sure in reality it will all be fine and the kid will be ridiculously adorable but its just not the same and I know that is so selfish because the child deserves a happy home and I'm so glad my friend can foster her, but it's just not what I was envisioning.
It is not selfish to want to do the best form of self-care possible. You don't have to feel bad about that. I'm sure the day will still be awesome.
Yeah I think it's reasonable to not want a small child to be at an adult self care deal, but at the same time I'm like "me me me this is inconveniencing me" when it's bigger than me. But tbh as much as I love kids, the best part about my job is giving them back to their families. I don't think I'm built to handle them for longer than a few hours or a day lol. Even my nephew who I'm obsessed with, I'm always relieved to give him back to my sister when I'm done watching him. They are work, not de-stressors!!
My supposed self-care day yesterday was ridic. My friend who picked me up was late, which I assumed she would be cause she always is, but she was REALLY late. Then we had to go to the store and then another store and then she realized the house we were gonna go to was further than she thought so she backtracked to drive us to her town and get her toddler that she was gonna leave with a babysitter so she could spend the night. But this is a foster toddler who has never had any boundaries in her life up until two days ago when my friend got her so she got into EVERYTHING and cried a lot and like I get it, but it did nothing to relieve any stress. Then we got in the hot tub at night and my friend swore she saw a snake in the water so we jumped out screaming. The next day our other friend went to get it out and it was just a piece of string. So I wake up this morning and the house has no power or water. We go to a restaurant that takes forever and makes me late for seeing my nephew. So meh. Tomorrow I'm going to a food cart fair so imma try this self care thing again.
Just feel exhausted and have felt that way for like four years. I stopped running and exercising because I finally realized that is breaking me down more and probably actually not healthy. The nervous system is a fragile thing that will wear you down physically and mentally. I am thinking of making a doctors appointment to discuss going back on antidepressants. Does anyone in here deal with OCD? I have developed a case of it over the past few years, and the more I've researched its relationship to lack of serotonin, the more I want to get the correct medication to deal with it