Mental Health Thread • Page 140

like especially because both friends - being good, kind, caring people who do not want to hurt me even indirectly and understand my neuroses - want me to communicate these freaked out thoughts to them so they can better understand me rather than me just withdrawing emotionally like i always do. and then this kind of shit happens and im like, do you really want me to be honest? because i get it, this is irrational, but i am feeling it all the same and i dont know if you really want to know it when all it will do is make your life weirder while i try to work this shit out

 

So, I am two days cold turkey off of Zoloft, as a bit of an experiment. When I first got prescribed, it was amazing. Really made me invincible to the smaller anxiety triggers I couldn't get a handle on. But now I fear it has made me lethargic and more emotionally lazy than emotionally strong. I feel great two days removed from it. I'm not "done", and will probably return to it as soon as I have a few bad days, but I have a clarity that I haven't felt in a while. Getting a TON more done at work.

 

I'm thinking Wellbutrin isn't for me after taking it two weeks. I think I have anxiety moreso than depression (I get depressed from anxious situations I'm not immediately able to resolve) and I'm not seeing anywhere that Wellbutrin is used to treat anxiety. But I don't want to go back to an SSRI because of side effects. Maybe I should just quit, but I guess I'll finish up my supply for now

 

My shrink kept repeating "helps with motivation" in regards to bupropion

but I am feeling pretty fuckin under-medicated at the moment so who knows

 

so just had an explosive moment that's finally calming down - ill try and keep it as short as possible [probably will still be long].

I've spoke to being in NY regrouping with my girl, my brothers legal/drug issues, my family's financial issues, and etc... today they all combined for gaslightatron.

I been getting nagged/bugged for money for weeks, non stop for made up bills and debts that'd never be asked for if my girl wasn't around. **STRIKE 1, OPENLY RACIST FAMILY** down to the "we been uninvited from the holidays" guilt trips, like id feel guilt a bunch of racists wont eat with me on the holidays cus my girl ain't pasty like them; that's on them.

I've given money and been open with when and how much I can give around our weekly paychecks/my girl having to send her mom money the past 3 weeks (last time being this Friday). Having asked for patience to just Friday and whatever is needed then is easy, till then I got 40$ between us both. **STRIKE 2, they don't care instant gratification or gaslighting and demonizing till they get what's they want, even tho they never say thank you or appreciate what is in fact done for/given to them**

They love to demand this and that from me then threaten if I don't I can leave even though they have a brother who puts in nothing but got a new car cosigned for (under the premise he'd have/keep a job while on trial for drug charges) and a sister who is incredibly overweight and eats unhealthy amounts of food a day. I've tried to foster healthy, positive relationships with both but my brother is a ghost, and my sister is a fake/emotional manipulator who plays our parents like flutes. Sprinkle in with a family full of obvious mental health issues but will mock mine for their convenience if it fits their narrative. [None of this being to call out people for issue, I got mental health issues, my bro got his, sis got hers. I wanna try and help everyone but ppl play their positions for funds/help [money] rather than helping deeper issues]**STRIKE 3, wont identify their real issues**

They tried to incite my girl but she remained calm and actually broke up me and them when the disrespect from them escalated. I'm no tough guy but if you wanna say whatever craziness you want you better be able to stand for your words. Don't run, no backpedaling. Threaten to call the cops, kick us out (simply cus we didn't give you a few bucks (literally 50$) when YOU wanted it - when I literally told you just lemme get till Friday), knowing you lean on us for everything and you cannot control your own life so we become the punching bag cus we're the only one who might spill out a few bucks in you punch at it. You lost your meal ticket.

Hate to say I'm against my family but this is the final gaslight... yall can sink or swim after this. I've paid for my family long before I was young enough to realize I was finding reasons to present to them to stay together and be accountable as a lil kid on up; breaking up their fights and calming my siblings as a kid until being old enough to be expected to financially be their stimulus to hold them above water.... Congrats, that's over.

 

What happened with the move? Sleepy, you have to get out of there man. You have to. And then you gotta go no contact. 100% no contact. Fuck, dude. I am so sorry this is how you're being treated/have been treated.

 

In other news, it would have been really great if adderall didn't make me manic because what's concentration? Seems like a myth to me and my brain

 

appreciate this and youre absolutely right and this is what is being worked towards. unfortunately I have no stability from any angle atm. love my girl to death but even she is in dire need of growth before I'm like this isn't okay. I really have no one behind me like that atm..... tho luckily my best friend called me tonight after almost a year and I recently reconnected with another old friend. heres hoping at least one of these lanes can show me which is most worth investing in cus I'm still doubting bothering at all is really worth it (even tho ive been doing EVERYTHING someone totally invested would - which that not being respected in and of itself creates issues since I wouldn't if I didn't have a reason to want to (my girl) and even at worse with my families gaslighting id just take it and eat it in the past knowing either I call it quits or they finally respect shit. neither having happened yet.

tired of life being so stressful. sometimes I think about how 'average ppl' have a family behind em at least and how that would be and I cant even process that. really bums me out.

edit* and with the move when I got there there was a lot of chaos on my girls end financially..... another thing I been shouldering with bullshit from my fams sides and on/off 'appreciation' from her. blah

 

Has anyone tried the weighted Gravity Blanket? I heard it can help manage anxiety

 

So it turns out that I'm heavily affected by the weather.

It's a dark, rainy day and I'm shaky, sad, and kind of want to cry. I've noticed this happening a few other times this summer during gloomy days.

I don't even know what to do about it.

 

Seasonal depression is a very real thing! I would definitely see your doctor and let them know.

 

We use one for one of my son's who has severe anxiety and it works wonders!

 

"Works wonders" is the type of review I need to see to move forward with the purchase. Thank you

 

I mean, I have actual depression too. I'm on Celexa for it :/. It's so annoying to have such an uncontrollable trigger for it.

 

I suffer from depression too. I understand the frustration behind it. Where do you live? Do you live in a place where is snows too?

 

Glad I could help! I'm so thankful to have it for him, I hope it works well for you as well! Please let me know how it goes!

 

Yup. Moved to MN at the beginning of the year.

Winter is going to be fun.

 

Oh no :( My ex had severe seasonal depression once the snow came here in Rochester every year. I wish I had some sort of advice on how to handle it; she never seeked help for it

 

Anyone else completely down today? I feel entirely alone in this.

 

Not today, but I have definitely had my moments this week! What's going on today?

 

Hi! you're not alone

 

I was looking forward to meeting a new online friend for drinks tonight and then she ended up never responding when it came time to actually decide where to go. It sounds stupid but I have a really hard time getting out and being social (linked with my anxiety and depression) so this was a pretty big deal to me to actually force myself out of my comfort zone. I barely have any friends in this city (due to my job..im with kids all day) and feel like I can't relate to any women my age. Im also upset at myself for letting one person throw off my whole day.

 

How is your day going?

 

I can understand that being frustrating! Getting blown off is a really shitty feeling, especially if you don't go out often(I can definitely relate) When you finally get excited and are ready to go out, that's a real let down! Sorry to hear that!

 

Not bad. How about you? I'm just finishing up the work day and dreading my trip to the gym (my hip hurts). What are you up to?