Mental Health Thread • Page 14

Oh hunny let's talk.

 

This is how I feel most of the time. Even when everything in life is going great, somehow there's a blackhole in my chest that just sucks every joyful feeling.

 

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change my personality a bit. I have a reputation of being serious and uptight and I hate it. But I feel like if I let loose a bit now people would make a big deal of it and when ppl draw attention to me in that way I tend to revert back into my shell more. The other day my BFF said "kiana wouldn't drink or party. She'd just sit and judge everyone else" but I don't want a reputation of judging ppl and someone thinking since I don't drink that I'd judge everyone else makes me feel bad. But I hate challenging people's perception of me cause again, the whole attention thing. Sometimes it feels easier to start over somewhere new. But even when I did that once it didnt change anything cause I'm shy and introverted by nature and I think that will always be interpreted as rigid and judgemental. Idk.

 

I feel you. A lot of times I wish I could go back and become more social or made more of an effort to try be nicer but I end up being more introverted and unpleasant. I don't even have friends to see in person.

 

I am so tired of feeling like I'm going in constant circles. - the whole grief thing comes in waves. - One minute I'm okay and the next minute it all feels like way too much. I hate realizing now how much I invested in that relationship and to have it literally crumble before me was awful. I really hope I don't crack and send him a message and start the circle again.

 

In some good news, I bought some 5 HTP and took it as recommended, and I can say that yesterday was the first day in months that I haven't gone through a period of pure dread and despair. I also slept like a baby. I'm kind of pissed though, because maybe if I was taking my supplements when things went to hell, I would've behaved better.

 

I can completely relate. My last (which was my first) relationship was almost two years ago and it's affected me pretty badly. I'm also 23 and live with my parents. I don't see why people think living with your parents is a bad thing! besides, you're still very young. I really don't think you should be upset about that, trust me. It's not something to be ashamed of. It took me 3 years to find a job but it's the job I wanted - I'm doing something that I can and want to do. PM me if you want to talk.

 

I just want to reiterate that living at home with parents or a guardian is nothing to be ashamed of, especially in your early/mid twenties. It is literally the best time to, especially if you need to figure things out.

In the grand scheme of things, you're still pretty young in your twenties! Don't feel ashamed about that at all!

 

I need something in my life that's for me. idk what yet tho. When I park my car in front of my house after I leave work I just get really sad. Like why do I rush home when all I'm going to do is be exhausted, do homework, mess around online for a bit, and fall asleep? There's nothing for me. I don't want to work all day and then when I get home I don't want to be there either but I don't really have anywhere else to go.

 

I feel so numb inside lately.

 

It's kinda pathetic but I've been feeling down and lonely so I'm at the casino where I used to work. My old coworkers screamed and ran to hug me and they think I'm funny. I went to get food and the worker was an old customer and she looked excited to see me and applied her discount to my order. It just feels nice but I feel like a loser too lol

 

I am lashing out and being mean to everyone and I hope I haven't made anyone on chorus mad/uncomfortable. I'm beyond pissed..there's no way to describe the things I'm dealing with right now. I'm fighting to be positive and lighthearted. I don't talk about it, I power through it when I want to just quit. I'm tired of people saying God won't give you anything you can't handle. That's bullshit. I'm fucking tired. Ugh.

 

I'm likely going on antidepressants soon and I'm nervous as hell about it. All of the side effects sound terrible and I don't know where to begin with trying to find which one to start with. It just seems like such a dangerous gamble.

 

are you seeing a psychotherapist/psychiatrist personally? i understand sertraline is a pretty common starting point (although it wasnt helpful for me). it can sometimes take work to find the right dose for you but it's worth it if you and your doctor are persistent and can get one that works for you :)

 

I am - I've been seeing the same guy for ten years now so he knows me well enough to likely give me a good starting point. Without the guidance of a doctor, though, they all sound alike.

 

yep, there's a reason doctors have to know so damn much :) good luck!! let me know if you want to talk about it, it can take some work to figure out

 

ugh I actually feel worse now. I need to just admit I'm depressed. It's hard to label it as that cause it's not as severe as when I was dealing with it years ago so I write it off. Ppl keep commenting that I look sad and mopey and at first I was like "well, that's just my face" because I always look that way, but lately I think I look sadder than usual to the point where multiple ppl a day comment on it. I feel like I work all day and then I come home so exhausted. I fall into bed and do homework or mess around online because I'm too tired to do anything else. I don't feel like a person anymore. But honestly if I had the energy, what would I even do? When my bff isn't working she spends every moment with her bf. My older sis and nephew moved away. The rest of my friends moved or are busy like adulting and being married and raising kids. Realistically even if I had the energy I wouldn't be doing anything with my life anyway, but the exhaustion and stress of work/school doesn't help.

 

I'm tired of people referring to me just being 'immature' or 'crazy' when referring to my mental problems when they know very well that I have actual problems that need to be addressed and need support even as I become the worst of myself. I'm not 'crazy'. Don't ever call me that.

 

I found out today through my mom that my baby brother is depressed. He apparently came to her saying that he thinks something is seriously wrong with him, that he's been hiding it for a while but he needs to talk to someone. He also showed her the spot on his arm where he cuts himselfI can't help but feel like a failure as a big sister. I've never spoken openly about mental health with him. I know I need to, but I don't know how. I need him to know that he's not alone.

 

I've been so beyond stressed lately. I'm definitely not handling it well and I keep lashing out at everyone around me. I'm too stuck in my head and even though I know I'm pushing everyone away I can't help myself.

 

@mad I had a pretty similar experience with my sister except I was in the position of your brother. I think the realisation of what I was going through hit her pretty hard. We'd never had an intimate conversation so I'm sure she felt a little intimidated about opening a conversation about it but she texted me (which made it much easier for me to open up as opposed to physically talking) and we both talked through our different struggles. I think the fact that it was coming from my sister and that she was showing that she cared meant the most to me above anything else that was said. It's also something that has definitely helped establish a connection and draw us closer.

I hope things work out for you. Starting the conversation is one of the hardest parts but having it can be so so rewarding.

 

Genuinely happy and healthy mentally for the first time since high school, but I'm absolutely lonely as hell.

 

I'm more or less in the same boat. A job that I really like, incredible girl, good friends and no history with the family but somehow I'm hollow. It's not that I'm not grateful; just that I feel hollow.

It sucks. I've never been to a doctor (mostly because I don't trust them that much - I'm from a third world country) and have been relying a lot on my own methods. I'm getting by, sure. But almost every night there's this feeling. I think the only way I can describe it is doom. I feel like it's only a matter of time until all those good things show off their true selves and one by one they unpeel and I finally see the cracks on the wall, that my job isn't as good as I think it was, that my girl couldn't handle my mood swings and finally gives up, and I let down everyone in the process.

There are days I feel like just cutting ties with everyone, so at least the letting down process isn't as horrible. At the end of the day I think that my lack of bravery is what's keeping me here though. Which is ironic. I'm too afraid to do anything, either to make or destroy what I have, so I'm sort of stuck in a limbo.

EDIT: I think I should change my username on this website; don't think I like it that I use the same ones for my gaming accounts haha

 

Nothing makes me feel worse than the people who go out of their way to talk down to me for "thinking I have a problem that doesn't exist". Like, I get it, you're an ignorant asshole who has no idea what you're talking about. But still, I have to deal with shit everyday and saying I can "choose for it to go away" is the most insulting thing anyone can say. Like yeah, I choose to be this way.

 

I've been generally really good with my anxiety lately. I have to call ppl a lot and meet with families in their homes and talk to ppl I don't know and do stuff I wouldn't have been able to do a few years ago. I've been pretty proud of it but my anxiety is getting pinged a lot this week. I have to go to the dmv and for whatever reason I'm being weird about it. The other day I pulled into the parking lot and kinda freaked and left. Then I have to get my oil changed and that freaks me out cause I don't like doing things I haven't done before and I hate not knowing how something works and the process of it. Then tomorrow I have to let in a guy to fix the water leak in my house and I don't know him and I am anxious about that too and coming off like a weirdo.

On the plus side, today I had a 30 minute convo with 2 near strangers and I think I fooled them into thinking I'm a normal human person who can hold a conversation.