What you gave me, I know you gave me You remind me all the time And how you hurt me and you don't see it Again I am the child And though you tell me that you love me I can't feel it and I'm afraid to let you down It's all or nothing, I fear that something's wrong I'm tired of walking on eggshells so terrified to fail And in order to please you I've abandoned myself And though it used to hurt me when you pushed me away I'm stronger than ever, you made me this way
Throw me in a landfill Don't think about the consequences Throw me in the dirt pit Don't think about the choices that you make Throw me in the water Don't think about the splash I will create Leave me at the altar Knowing all the things you just escaped Push me out to sea On a little boat that you made Out of the evergreen that you helped your father cut away Leave me on the tracks To wait until the morning train arrives Don't you dare look back Walk away Catch up with the sunrise 'Cause this is torturous electricity Between both of us and this is Dangerous 'cause I want you so much But I hate your guts I hate you
On an empty panel floor I lie here For communion just waiting for one more But in the quiet empty hours of my afternoon What am I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do? But if I want them to, will they come to me soon? Will they fluctuate between midnight and past noon? Was kind of banking on a future that'd be involving you But I couldn't ask this of you, I couldn't ask this I couldn't ask that In this young night's sky there are pinhole lights Find the shape of a harp and an arrowhead Do I hear your tunes or acknowledge wounds That I got from rubbing elbows with a sharpened edge? But if I choose this too does it count as my move? I can't drop my history just to become new Now I'm swimming through the nothingness and the absolute But I couldn't ask this of you, I couldn't ask this I couldn't ask this
Its a struggle every day, and it's a must that I grow. Killing time by counting days, wearing thin with all this rain. Every time I close my eyes all I see is misery. I got to try to find the time to defeat this agony. Sometimes I feel like giving up. The wind is blowing 9-5. The storm is nothing but a front. This world is eating me alive. But I know the worst has yet to come, it's a hard road but only fools take the easy way out.
You felt buried from the start Tearing you apart Constricting the free Beating of your heart I know your postcard would say Wish I could stay wish I felt The same way
it was easy letting go of the minutes in front of a tv numbing the nerves in the seconds with the color fading into the darkness and the paper vacant of any expression, collecting the dust. it was in my head that you were with me it was in my head that you could hear me
When the sun rested on olive shoulders And the wind kissed the back of your neck I would lay and absorb in the silence In your language I haven’t learned yet In the tune of the National Anthem Sing the words while the corrugate burns While our burning desires are crackling We exist in the unified verse When your eyes became focused on absence How the shadows were cast on the plain Under moonlight of middle November I was shifting to stay in the frame Oh, and I would eat from the tops of your branches Spit it out, break a bow, and descend I would dream of the ways we'd get cradled While this lullaby rings in my head
Tell me how could you compromise Yourself like this? Tell me how could you blame anyone else When you aren't really committed? Tell me where was your head When you broke that promise to yourself, The one where you don't forget Every life lesson that happend before your eyes So you don't wake up to regret she's gone years away? You had hopes and dreams of a day Where everything, everything, everything would come together, You wouldn't have to be so scared.
While my friends were getting high and chasing girls down parkway lines I was losing my mind because the love, the love, the love, the love, the love That I gave wasted on a nice face In a blaze of fear I put a helmet on a helmet Counting seconds through the night and got carried away So now I'm standing on the overpass screaming at the cars Hey I wanna get better
My city's still breathing (but barely it's true) Through buildings gone missing like teeth The sidewalks are watching me think about you Sparkled with broken glass I'm back with scars to show Back with the streets I know Will never take me anywhere but here The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand The strangers whose faces I know We meet here for our dress-rehearsal To say, "I wanted it this way" Wait for the year to drown Spring forward, fall back down I'm trying not to wonder where you are All this time lingers, undefined Someone choose who's left and who's leaving Memory will rust and erode into lists Of all that you gave me: A blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest The best parts of lonely, duct-tape, and soldered wires New words for old desires And every birthday card I threw away I wait in 4/4 time Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on To lead you home
Life goes on. But I remember laughing when we caught up; asking if that was still a part of me. It's still a part of me.
I don't feel the way I've ever felt I know Going to smile and not get worried I try but it shows Anyone can make what I have built And better now Anyone can find the same white pills It takes my pain away
You compartmentalize to make sense Of the arranged marriage of opposites As risen high as it is bottomless Here in the playground of the fabulous Quit second-guessing out your window Can't see 2000 through your telescope Leave ten years ago ten years ago Get back within yourself and listen close I came here dignified and dainty But I don't feel much like that lately Two left feet and gloves full-up with thumbs Aw shucks and pardon me and sorry, love So tomorrow if you meet me In my tangle of apology Rest assured, I used to be someone A brother's brother and a mother's son
And with hundreds of words, they keep holding you back And with promises that they keep you off track, but you're better than that And you're better off happy than waking up guilty of faults and mistakes that never were real
I never wanted to take from you The very thing that you wanted me to help save I know it wasn't true (they'll know exactly what I want) And I'm just making it way too fucked up for myself
I saw your face in the mirror last night Blood stained your clothes Bags under your eyes I guess you've heard what I'm like now Just a body You're haunting our bedroom And the hallway And I still hear your voice in my head And it's saying awful things
All I ever do I say, "I'm not alright" I throw my back out Just like an archer Who has never seen a fight I look around at all these humans And wonder if I seem Just well enough put together To raise another me
A hiccup in paradise I keep you jealously to myself In a photo the size of a kiss A kiss in the shape of a bullet On phone lines And letterhead I'm dying about I'm dying about
all we ever wanted was a cool, dry place to rest our bones. not to drift along in this current forever, not to have to sink alone.
You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember. Clutching you close your body felt like December. Shook awake early from the rock of your tremors. Tracing my thumb over the miles of your memory. Now a bit lighter with a smile and a laughter. One in the same and what am I to be after, Dancing in private with concept of never? You in this light feels like a thing I can't remember.