LGBTQIA+ Thread • Page 29

I don't hate being trans, but I do hate that I didn't have the language or the knowledge about what "trans" is at least 20 years sooner. I have a lot of free time right now and I've been spending too much of it wondering how things would be now if I'd started T as a teen, didn't need surgical intervention for my chest, etc. But then I remember I'd have never met Gina and have the life I do with her, so I know some things work out in the end

On the flip side, a whole bunch of truscum/transmeds revealed themselves in my mentions last night so my blockin finger got in some good use

 

I love the diversity of trans experience. it’s dope. I love seeing trans folks who are at peace and who can love their transness. I’m trying to get there as much as I can tbh, and I’m certainly better now than I ever have been and that’s something.

I also just want to actually state my feelings on this bc I was far too fucking stoned to do it the other night and I honestly cried watching it. I think this video is so fucking important; I think her perspective is incredibly valuable and she really nails the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, something it took me way too long to realize I was engaging in. I’m a lesbian and it took me years to claim that label, even though that’s just always been what I am. I called myself queer (or bisexual to people who were less “in the know” about terminology). I tried to date men briefly after my last long-term relationship ended, and my few encounters either left me thoroughly disappointed, unaffected, or sexually assaulted. I felt kind of alone during that whole period of my life too, and I kinda just bottled a lot of that up for a while... to be honest with you I think my entire view on men has been effected by it. I struggle to trust men, I feel more scared of them than ever, and I am absolutely sexually repulsed by them. idk I could go on for hours about shit that really doesn’t need to be said publicly, but I just really want to stress that I’m so glad this video exists. I’m glad this is what she did after her last video, and I’m more excited than ever to see where she goes from here.

 

I don't know why this part specifically hit the most, but this was articulated so perfectly and is a perspective I'll keep in mind. Thanks for these posts.

 

Helping to get a well known transmed YouTuber kicked out of a phalloplasty group is my new religion

Well well well if it isn't the consequences of your actions

Go make your own group with your army of transmed truscum creeps. I'm sure one of them will share with you. You aren't entitled to anything from the rest of us

 

I kept getting complimented on my outfit yesterday, which caught me off guard. I replied an awkward thanks when I should've said I liked their outfits too. Thankful for the queens who made me feel seen in the best way. I'll try to return the favor in the future, sort of pay it forward. I was always too afraid of coming off as creepy as a man complimenting a woman's style. Maybe if I wasn't so shy I could've improved people's day with something as simple as hey nice shoes or hey I like your skirt or whatever

 

Emily on TikTok

I was wearing a black turtleneck and jean shorts that day. BRUH

 

I like turtlenecks so much so I feel seen too lol

 

Made a huge mistake by re-opening lines of communication with my dad. Mutuals on Twitter again. I tweeted a thread about how I need people who knew me pre-transition to use my current name and pronouns; that I don't consider that to be erasing any of my lived experience, since by my definition if we're talking about me we're talking about my experiences.

Dad replies with several paragraphs about what if you have supportive parents who don't want to erase memories, you have no idea how hard this is, it's like how white ppl will never know what it's like to be Black (still debating on hiding that reply omg dad stop), is there a group for parents of trans folks etc

And while part of me knows that shit could always be worse... I came out to the world in Nov 2016. Earlier than that to him and my mom and bro. We're coming up on 3.5 years here, old man. Is this all clicking for you just now? Why would I know about groups for parents of trans kids? as I am not one...

Supercomputer in your hand. Please use it.

Anyway I tried to be nice when I replied back, lol cmon a)I'm not dead b) all I'm asking is that you reframe it as "i took my children camping when they were young" vs "i took my son and daughter" c) you *really* think you have it bad, dad? Try being trans jfc

but I'm 98% sure he's gonna get all pissy like he always does when I push back on his allyship

 

Also Buck Angel is still at it online and he can shut the fuck up any time now. I think what pisses me off even more is the number of quislings who believe the same bullshit like "I'll never call anyone cis!" Oh you reject the use of adjectives, eh?

 

Feds introduce legislation to ban ‘conversion therapy’

 

Sooooo

My dad reacted pretty well and joined 2 support groups and says he reads all my tweets to my mom too

I am shocked. Shocked I say!

 

fb post

 

Provincetown officially announced that Bear Week is cancelled this year, which I 100% understand. But, selfishly, I’m super bummed about it, as last year I seriously felt the most comfortable with myself I ever have in the three days we were there. Knowing I won’t get that feeling again this year is really disappointing. Again, totally understand why and support it, and know I’m selfish for feeling this way...

I also know the businesses in that area need support now and just bought a BOATLOAD of candy from one of the local shops online. Whoops! Just going to let that be a surprise for my husband when it arrives.

 

I've found that there's a "straight tiktok" and a "gay tiktok." After liking a bunch of cute lesbian vids, my For You page is mostly LGBT+ content. I rarely see anything from celebrities or stuff like barstoolsports anymore. I'm definitely spending too much time on this app, but heck, quarantine, so.

On a more serious note, finally coming out and then soon afterwards having to stay home for an extended period of time is really getting to me. All these movies, concerts, and conventions--opportunities for me to socialize and be my true self around people--are being postponed or canceled. I keep having to remind myself that I'm valid regardless if anyone else sees me. I was really looking forward to cosplaying at Anime Expo (I'd felt weird about "crossdressing" in public before), but that's been canceled. I was worried I wouldn't get to go to LA Pride for the first time this year, but it's only been postponed, for now at least.

I mean I get it, global pandemic and everything. I'm scared to leave the house because I don't want to get my parents sick, they're over 65. Add a constant feeling of stress and anxiety to my list of things to feel bad about.

 

Haven't posted there in a while but I kind of feel like I'm either slowly spiralling out of control or continuing my progression in my transition despite the circumstances. I was supposed to hopefully start hormonotherapy a few weeks back but the appointment with the endoc has been postponed to late June and... damn does the time feel painfully long due to the pandemic.

I finally got the clothes I ordered back in March, but I can't see me wearing them as I don't have any pieces that mesh together. My fault, and I'm in a trial and error period in that aspect. So... I just ordered some more, by identifying what was missing from my closet. I have no idea what I'm doing lol. While I have some money on the side, I still feel ashamed for finally being able to spend it, so I try to do it wisely.

Having no job at the moment allows me to have more free time, yet a lot of intrusive thoughts and anxieties have taken control over my mind lately. The gender dysphoria is stronger than ever. I couldn't stand presenting as male at work anymore, and now that I don't have that pressure, and pretty much don't leave the apartment, perhaps I simply want to get in touch with myself? Overcompensating much, idk.

Well, I'm now educating myself about wigs and even considering buying one. I don't know if I'm being rational. The thing is I keep freaking out about my balding temples. I do know other MtF trans people have started taking hormones with hairlines at a much worse, in terms of baldness, state than mine, and then were able to grow out some hair back. Maybe I should resist the impulse and wait for the hormones to kick in, but again, the time feels so slow lately.

On a more positive note, another step I'm trying to take to cheer me up is to properly get into skincare and makeup. I know nothing about both so it's a bit of a struggle, but I'm looking forward to try and experiment with products... and maybe just feel good about myself for once.

One day I'll finally be able to look in the mirror and not fixate on my flaws only.

 

@Petit nain des Îles why do you think a wig is not being rational?? my (MtF) ex wears wigs sometimes despite having pretty long hair already

I’m cis and wear wigs too (and have several friends who do as well) If you are thinking of a wig I say completely go for it. If it will make you happy, that’s what matters.

also, a time where no one has anywhere to go is the best time to experiment with makeup and skincare! Haha. No pressure or fear or confidence needed. Just crack open some pretties and see what happens.

 

Trans Twitter ate itself again yesterday
It was real bad

 

Sorry for the late response, I definitely wasn't super well when I made that post. Thanks for the support! I guess it's some weird masculinistic pressure that I've always felt and that I'm constantly trying to deconstruct. I've tried to find support in online places and the idea of a man wearing a wig is always met with derision or memes. Their first instinct is to say "you need to shave your head entirely" like it's the only option available. I know it doesn't fit me as I'm going through a transition, but when I made that post, I was letting people's judgements get to me negatively.

On a more positive note, I'm starting to receive the rest of the clothes I ordered and I feel like a kid that opens up Christmas gifts everytime. The sudden confidence I feel when I try them on, even if I have some work to do to get entire outfits right, is both strange and euphoric? Like for a few moments I feel okay in my body. It's reassures me that I'm on the right path. Gosh I wish I was living on my own so I wouldn't have that recurring guilt afterwards, but it's a step forward at least.

 

The appointment with the endocrinologist has once again been delayed, this time to November. Fuck.

Contemplating finding another one, even if I have to leave the region at this point.

 

Lol I suck at posting things in correct threads. Carry on.

 

today my bestie texted me out of nowhere about how she wants to be a better trans ally and goodness gracious it made my heart happy

 

Hope everyone is doing okay with Pride being distant this year thinking of y'all

 

Just to give a small update, I was able to see another endoc at the last minute. The appointment happened earlier this week and it went well. He gave me the go-ahead, and I only needed to send him one last blood test result and another paper which I then forwarded to him. I'm waiting for his response, but hopefully I'll be sent a prescription in return. Otherwise, I'll have to wait until the next appointment which is in late September. Either way, I'm relieved to begin HRT very soon. In the meantime, I'm going back to thinking about how I'll come out publicly.

edit: And I'm starting my laser hair removal sessions in a few weeks too!

 

i know it’s small potatoes, but super proud of the snowboard industry, or at least this small corner of it. one of the more “cool” publications did a series of interviews for pride week where several well-known riders and photographers came out, and the reception, at least as far as I’ve seen, has been super supportive.
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