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LGBTQIA+ Thread • Page 29

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by Nick, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. nohandstoholdonto

    problem addict Prestigious

    I’m so glad I unplugged from twitter almost entirely. Trying to catch up to all of that made me feel worse than I’ve felt in a long time.
     
  2. Crisp X Feb 18, 2020
    (Last edited: Feb 18, 2020)
    I've missed the controversy around Buck so I have no idea what's going on about it, but these arguments remind me of what I read from older trans people in the Facebook groups I'm part of. Lots of talk about how they've suffered much more so they know better than the younger generation, how the latter has no patience and should accept the casual transphobia from practicians because you need to trust their methods etc. It's very patronizing and even victim blaming at times. I don't know how you can be so passive and don't want things to improve for everyone? It's not a competition...
     
    BirdPerson likes this.
  3. nohandstoholdonto Feb 18, 2020
    (Last edited: Feb 18, 2020)
    nohandstoholdonto

    problem addict Prestigious

    I have a lot of ~thoughts~ and *feelings* about this stuff and I feel like I'm gonna fumble a lot in trying to express them but here goes nothing:

    First, I think it's important that I make it clear that I think Buck is flat-out wrong and what he's doing is detrimental to the trans community as a whole. He also very obviously suffers from the stereotypical "Boomer" mindset of "I had it bad so why shouldn't you have to suffer at least a little bit too?" But he lacks the self-awareness to see this for what it is.

    There is no disputing that Buck HAS done a lot of good for the community in the past, due to his visibility and activism, and that can't be taken away from him. I am so thankful that there were people like him living their truths and fighting the uphill battles for our rights in a time when it was nigh on impossible to do so even moderately comfortably, and in a time when so little information or education on our existence was available. I cannot fathom trying to come to grips with my own (very real and valid) identity in that time and can't help but wonder if I would have even realized it had I grown up in that time, as I *don't* fit the stereotypical binary trans narrative, despite being (what I would consider) a very binary trans woman. I have a lot of empathy for trans elders, including Buck, in this regard. I already experienced so much pain and ostracization and shame in transitioning when I did, and to think about how much worse it could have been had I been born just a few decades sooner is... humbling for me.

    THAT SAID, the whole point of activism is to make things better for future generations. No amount of good will and positive activism grants you the right to turn around and hurt others and/or act as some king gatekeeper, and it's a sad irony that this is kinda the role that Buck has assumed at this stage of his life. Buck seems incapable, likely largely due to his own experiences with transphobia (both external and internalized) and perhaps some trauma that he's not fully worked through, of seeing transness as valid outside of his very limited scope. His experiences with transness are so tied up in shame and pain and struggle and etc that he seemingly believes that these are all necessary components to being trans. He can't seem to see one of the most beautiful results of the activism he was a part of, that things have gotten better and, yes, easier, for many (far from all) trans folks; that our language and our knowledge of what it means to be trans has expanded and is now viewed as a spectrum rather than a linear, one-size-fits-all doctrine that is almost entirely dictated and diagnosed by cis people. I view it as actually kind of tragic, but obviously wholly unacceptable and not something to be tolerated; it must be fought against.

    My hope, personally, is always that people like Buck CAN eventually change for the better; that through our own activism we can accomplish this, and that it can be done without resorting entirely to disposability politics. This remains to be seen. Every time I start to think that maybe someone is starting to knock some sense into him, he ends up showing his ass in an even bigger way.

    This is why I am not really interested in trying to condemn Natalie for her decision to use Buck's voice in Opulence. She has, at length, elaborated on her views of transness on multiple occasions and they very clearly do not align with Buck's. In fact, chances are that Buck believes some things that would invalidate Natalie herself! Natalie often engages with people and ideas that she stands in opposition to, she has actually tangibly converted a LOT of people to thinking in a more progressive, leftist school of thought in doing so. If anyone stands a chance at getting through to someone like Buck, it's someone such as herself. This is the way she performs her activism, and she honestly does an outstanding job at what she does and has accomplished so much more than many of her (what I would consider to be) bad faith critics could ever hope to do. She is by no means above criticism, and there are certainly things she can do to grow and be better in doing, but I think that the way many people have chosen to go about criticizing her are ineffective and often detrimental.

    My point here I guess is that, no, I don't think Natalie would defend Buck in this instance by any means, and had she not been pushed to leave Twitter herself I could even envision her engaging with these tweets of Buck's and taking him to task. I don't think she deserves to be admonished for using Buck's voice for 15 seconds in one of her videos forever, and I intend to continue supporting her and her art and propping them up because I think she accomplishes far more good than bad. If that makes you not want to associate with me anymore, then that's your choice to make, but I'm being as transparent as I can here; I have not read a single argument from her detractors that has made me feel it necessary to discontinue my support for someone who has helped me and so many others in so many ways.

    I feel a lot of things in regard to my own transness that, if I were to project that onto other trans folks as some kind of necessary trial or tribulation, would rightfully have me labeled as transmedicalist or truscum. I personally fucking HATE being trans, I don't want to be trans at all, and while transitioning has undoubtedly improved my life in many ways (and I doubt I'd be alive today had I not done it), it was still a process very intrinsically tied up with a lot of shame and pain for me. I even identify more closely with the term "transsexual" than I do with simply "transgender" at this point myself, much like Buck does. The difference between someone like me and someone like him (at least at this stage in his life), is that I don't think that my experience has to be universal; I don't think that this is how people HAVE to feel in order to be valid as a trans person. I straight up don't understand how it feels to not be dysphoric, I don't understand how anyone could *enjoy* being trans, I don't understand the plight of non-binary folks, I can't comprehend why someone would decide to transition absent of any dysphoria, but I DO understand that I don't have to understand. I don't have to understand someone else's experience to respect it and honor it as valid. I just don't. I know all too well the pain of being gatekept, of being invalidated, and told that my experience is too different from the accepted trans narrative for me to be valid. So, why in the fuck would I ever want to inflict that pain on another person? That is where I will NEVER understand someone like Buck, and I'm honestly so glad that I don't
     
  4. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    I don't hate being trans, but I do hate that I didn't have the language or the knowledge about what "trans" is at least 20 years sooner. I have a lot of free time right now and I've been spending too much of it wondering how things would be now if I'd started T as a teen, didn't need surgical intervention for my chest, etc. But then I remember I'd have never met Gina and have the life I do with her, so I know some things work out in the end

    On the flip side, a whole bunch of truscum/transmeds revealed themselves in my mentions last night so my blockin finger got in some good use
     
  5. nohandstoholdonto

    problem addict Prestigious

    I love the diversity of trans experience. it’s dope. I love seeing trans folks who are at peace and who can love their transness. I’m trying to get there as much as I can tbh, and I’m certainly better now than I ever have been and that’s something.
    I also just want to actually state my feelings on this bc I was far too fucking stoned to do it the other night and I honestly cried watching it. I think this video is so fucking important; I think her perspective is incredibly valuable and she really nails the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, something it took me way too long to realize I was engaging in. I’m a lesbian and it took me years to claim that label, even though that’s just always been what I am. I called myself queer (or bisexual to people who were less “in the know” about terminology). I tried to date men briefly after my last long-term relationship ended, and my few encounters either left me thoroughly disappointed, unaffected, or sexually assaulted. I felt kind of alone during that whole period of my life too, and I kinda just bottled a lot of that up for a while... to be honest with you I think my entire view on men has been effected by it. I struggle to trust men, I feel more scared of them than ever, and I am absolutely sexually repulsed by them. idk I could go on for hours about shit that really doesn’t need to be said publicly, but I just really want to stress that I’m so glad this video exists. I’m glad this is what she did after her last video, and I’m more excited than ever to see where she goes from here.
     
  6. I don't know why this part specifically hit the most, but this was articulated so perfectly and is a perspective I'll keep in mind. Thanks for these posts.
     
    BirdPerson and nohandstoholdonto like this.
  7. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    Helping to get a well known transmed YouTuber kicked out of a phalloplasty group is my new religion

    Well well well if it isn't the consequences of your actions

    Go make your own group with your army of transmed truscum creeps. I'm sure one of them will share with you. You aren't entitled to anything from the rest of us
     
  8. I kept getting complimented on my outfit yesterday, which caught me off guard. I replied an awkward thanks when I should've said I liked their outfits too. Thankful for the queens who made me feel seen in the best way. I'll try to return the favor in the future, sort of pay it forward. I was always too afraid of coming off as creepy as a man complimenting a woman's style. Maybe if I wasn't so shy I could've improved people's day with something as simple as hey nice shoes or hey I like your skirt or whatever
     
  9. Emily on TikTok

    I was wearing a black turtleneck and jean shorts that day. BRUH
     
  10. I like turtlenecks so much so I feel seen too lol
     
    K0ta likes this.
  11. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    Made a huge mistake by re-opening lines of communication with my dad. Mutuals on Twitter again. I tweeted a thread about how I need people who knew me pre-transition to use my current name and pronouns; that I don't consider that to be erasing any of my lived experience, since by my definition if we're talking about me we're talking about my experiences.

    Dad replies with several paragraphs about what if you have supportive parents who don't want to erase memories, you have no idea how hard this is, it's like how white ppl will never know what it's like to be Black (still debating on hiding that reply omg dad stop), is there a group for parents of trans folks etc

    And while part of me knows that shit could always be worse... I came out to the world in Nov 2016. Earlier than that to him and my mom and bro. We're coming up on 3.5 years here, old man. Is this all clicking for you just now? Why would I know about groups for parents of trans kids? as I am not one...

    Supercomputer in your hand. Please use it.

    Anyway I tried to be nice when I replied back, lol cmon a)I'm not dead b) all I'm asking is that you reframe it as "i took my children camping when they were young" vs "i took my son and daughter" c) you *really* think you have it bad, dad? Try being trans jfc

    but I'm 98% sure he's gonna get all pissy like he always does when I push back on his allyship
     
  12. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    Also Buck Angel is still at it online and he can shut the fuck up any time now. I think what pisses me off even more is the number of quislings who believe the same bullshit like "I'll never call anyone cis!" Oh you reject the use of adjectives, eh?
     
  13. mad

    I was right. Prestigious

  14. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    Sooooo

    My dad reacted pretty well and joined 2 support groups and says he reads all my tweets to my mom too

    I am shocked. Shocked I say!
     
  15. fb post

    [​IMG]

     
  16. quietwords

    RIP EmoPunkKid28: 2002-2016 Prestigious

    Provincetown officially announced that Bear Week is cancelled this year, which I 100% understand. But, selfishly, I’m super bummed about it, as last year I seriously felt the most comfortable with myself I ever have in the three days we were there. Knowing I won’t get that feeling again this year is really disappointing. Again, totally understand why and support it, and know I’m selfish for feeling this way...

    I also know the businesses in that area need support now and just bought a BOATLOAD of candy from one of the local shops online. Whoops! Just going to let that be a surprise for my husband when it arrives.
     
  17. xkaylinh Apr 24, 2020
    (Last edited: Apr 24, 2020)
    I've found that there's a "straight tiktok" and a "gay tiktok." After liking a bunch of cute lesbian vids, my For You page is mostly LGBT+ content. I rarely see anything from celebrities or stuff like barstoolsports anymore. I'm definitely spending too much time on this app, but heck, quarantine, so.

    On a more serious note, finally coming out and then soon afterwards having to stay home for an extended period of time is really getting to me. All these movies, concerts, and conventions--opportunities for me to socialize and be my true self around people--are being postponed or canceled. I keep having to remind myself that I'm valid regardless if anyone else sees me. I was really looking forward to cosplaying at Anime Expo (I'd felt weird about "crossdressing" in public before), but that's been canceled. I was worried I wouldn't get to go to LA Pride for the first time this year, but it's only been postponed, for now at least.

    I mean I get it, global pandemic and everything. I'm scared to leave the house because I don't want to get my parents sick, they're over 65. Add a constant feeling of stress and anxiety to my list of things to feel bad about.
     
  18. Haven't posted there in a while but I kind of feel like I'm either slowly spiralling out of control or continuing my progression in my transition despite the circumstances. I was supposed to hopefully start hormonotherapy a few weeks back but the appointment with the endoc has been postponed to late June and... damn does the time feel painfully long due to the pandemic.

    I finally got the clothes I ordered back in March, but I can't see me wearing them as I don't have any pieces that mesh together. My fault, and I'm in a trial and error period in that aspect. So... I just ordered some more, by identifying what was missing from my closet. I have no idea what I'm doing lol. While I have some money on the side, I still feel ashamed for finally being able to spend it, so I try to do it wisely.

    Having no job at the moment allows me to have more free time, yet a lot of intrusive thoughts and anxieties have taken control over my mind lately. The gender dysphoria is stronger than ever. I couldn't stand presenting as male at work anymore, and now that I don't have that pressure, and pretty much don't leave the apartment, perhaps I simply want to get in touch with myself? Overcompensating much, idk.

    Well, I'm now educating myself about wigs and even considering buying one. I don't know if I'm being rational. The thing is I keep freaking out about my balding temples. I do know other MtF trans people have started taking hormones with hairlines at a much worse, in terms of baldness, state than mine, and then were able to grow out some hair back. Maybe I should resist the impulse and wait for the hormones to kick in, but again, the time feels so slow lately.

    On a more positive note, another step I'm trying to take to cheer me up is to properly get into skincare and makeup. I know nothing about both so it's a bit of a struggle, but I'm looking forward to try and experiment with products... and maybe just feel good about myself for once.

    One day I'll finally be able to look in the mirror and not fixate on my flaws only.
     
  19. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    @Petit nain des Îles why do you think a wig is not being rational?? my (MtF) ex wears wigs sometimes despite having pretty long hair already

    I’m cis and wear wigs too (and have several friends who do as well) If you are thinking of a wig I say completely go for it. If it will make you happy, that’s what matters.

    also, a time where no one has anywhere to go is the best time to experiment with makeup and skincare! Haha. No pressure or fear or confidence needed. Just crack open some pretties and see what happens.
     
  20. BirdPerson

    fuck tammy! Prestigious

    Trans Twitter ate itself again yesterday
    It was real bad
     
  21. Sorry for the late response, I definitely wasn't super well when I made that post. Thanks for the support! I guess it's some weird masculinistic pressure that I've always felt and that I'm constantly trying to deconstruct. I've tried to find support in online places and the idea of a man wearing a wig is always met with derision or memes. Their first instinct is to say "you need to shave your head entirely" like it's the only option available. I know it doesn't fit me as I'm going through a transition, but when I made that post, I was letting people's judgements get to me negatively.

    On a more positive note, I'm starting to receive the rest of the clothes I ordered and I feel like a kid that opens up Christmas gifts everytime. The sudden confidence I feel when I try them on, even if I have some work to do to get entire outfits right, is both strange and euphoric? Like for a few moments I feel okay in my body. It's reassures me that I'm on the right path. Gosh I wish I was living on my own so I wouldn't have that recurring guilt afterwards, but it's a step forward at least.
     
  22. The appointment with the endocrinologist has once again been delayed, this time to November. Fuck.

    Contemplating finding another one, even if I have to leave the region at this point.
     
  23. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    Lol I suck at posting things in correct threads. Carry on.
     
  24. mad

    I was right. Prestigious

    today my bestie texted me out of nowhere about how she wants to be a better trans ally and goodness gracious it made my heart happy