LGBTQIA+ Thread • Page 28

You’re still wrong about natalie

 

I watched that whole video and wrote my thoughts on that Facebook post. Again, she can point to xyz that she's done and she can apologize all she wants, but there's no expectation of absolution or forgiveness etc. And certainly none of us binary trans people can provide it.

Like in that video she says she doesn't think James Charles is racist based on his tweet but it's not her lane or her place to be doing that. Same idea for all allies and all isms

 

I keep coming back to Mona Eltahawy. She was transphobic in the past and when she was called out on it recently, she owned it. Then agreed when folks told her that it wasn't just that she didn't have the right language to discuss the issues. Didn't double down, didn't get defensive. Then went back to her regularly scheduled program of front line activism. Will people still think she's a transphobe? Maybe. But only the people she harmed can provide the absolution, and yeah some might not ever...but that's why allies dont get participation trophies

 

coming out fb post

 

When I presented as a cis lesbian and said I was in a 5-year relationship I was never asked about when we are getting married. Now being presumed cishet, from 6 years closing in on 9, people ask that question every single time. Like they cannot wrap their heads around us not being hitched by now. It's fucking weird.

Gina's sister and her bf got engaged today and they've have been together the same amount of time as us, so I think that's what is causing whatever this feeling is. Kinda like well look right here, there's another couple who isn't in a rush to get married...oop nevermind

Plus being a new uncle, like whoa my little brother has a kid now. We know we are going to need outside assistance to start a human baby family but when it's right there in your face, ehhhh

I read a tweet the other day that said "transition is not a do over" but for me it really is. I feel like I hit the reset button on my life A LOT lately. Or at least on a lot of parts of my life. I see the correct face in the mirror. My body continues to grow and change thanks to testosterone. I will never set foot in a marketing office again unless it's to wire the actual office, because I am heavily looking into becoming an electrician. I was a millennial forcefully sold on the premise of a college degree, something my parents didn't have but wanted for me (more than I did at the time).

All this bubbling up over a family group text of the strangest engagement ring photo. Bf was holding up the ring to the camera, instead of the ring being on her finger, heh

 

This made my heart melt. I'm so happy for you!!

 

Amazing I'm so thrilled for you!!

 

Huge love and congrats

 

Got back from my appointment with a doc that was recommended by my local trans group. It went so well to my surprise. He was immediately so understanding and willing to do anything to reassure me that I feel emotional just thinking about it again. I'll know in the next two weeks if the future medical care coverage related to my transition will be accepted by social security.

Next step: Seeing a therapist Friday afternoon, hoping he'll make the certificate that can make me accepted at endocrinologists' offices, among others, and then start hormonotherapy.

I also met another person who's struggling with gender dysphoria and feeling lost over it this weekend, and I could feel it was a relief for them. I'd be happy to meet them again and help them out!

 

my dumb gay ass is falling the fuck in love. yay.

 

Surgical repair went well on Tuesday and I'm already ready to go back to work. Hate sitting around. I did that for 7 months! This might be a long 4 weeks lol

 

Well, that went poorly. For context, this is a therapist I used to see a few years back. He asked too many stereotypical questions, insinuated that I didn't have the typical mindset of other trans patients once I mentioned falling in love with a woman as a teenager first. He had surprisingly narrow views about it, and blamed me many times for not bringing up the subject in those 2015/2016 sessions...

I'm not losing hope or anything. I feel like shit, like there was something wrong in my speech, my behavior or even my look, and I just needed to vent.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. Your feelings and experiences are valid and how you express them shouldn't be picked apart like that. I hope you find somebody more understanding if you feel like they're not working for you.

 

that’s shitty. sounds like this person might not be the best fit for you

 

Thanks! I wish I didn't have to wait Monday morning to make an appointment for another one because it's going to stay in my mind the entire weekend.

 

Went out in public by myself as a woman for the first time today. About to see Birds of Prey. I asked friends to come with but they were all busy. I was a little apprehensive at first but I'm glad I did this. I'm... proud of myself. That's new.

 

Nat's gay.

tl;dr she didn't realize until two years after transitioning. Can't relate to her experience, personally. I'd considered myself cishet(ace), so as soon as I realized I was trans, I realized that that made me a lesbian.

I do relate to the more general topic of shame towards what's not as acceptable in society, trying to convince yourself you fit in just a little bit more than the next guy. I think that explains why it took me so long to realize I was trans. If I was ace but still cishet then I wasn't that much different from everyone else. I was ashamed of being too different.

 

Thank god for Natalie Wynn

 

Just saw a new therapist. This time, it went very well, the total opposite of my last experience. He was supportive and kind. He told me he's willing to make the previously mentioned certificate by the third session, which will probably be scheduled for next month as the second one is next week. I'm so excited!

In the meantime, I think I'll look into buying some make up, and search an institute for body hair removal. It almost feels like I'm studying with the things I have to research and learn now.

 

Uh oh I'm in a Twitter fight with Buck Angel

Dude is out there being like I TRANSITIONED A LONG TIME AGO AND IT WAS REALLY HARD AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT, YOUNG TRANS PEOPLE when folks are like "hey actually my transition is not 100%terrible so let's not further that narrative"

He's also out there tweeting sad emojis regarding the idea that nowadays you don't need dysphoria to be trans, responding to Princess Transphobe Arielle Scarcella like it's such a damn shame

Like dude

We get it

You're a transmed

Like this happened within the last 24 hours. Related, hope ContraPoints is not still defending her choice there bc ooof he still believes hella problematic shit and mingles with hella problematic people

I'm thinking about the trans kids of the future, Buck, kids who deserve self ID and none of that "true trans" bullshit you and other prominent trans men try to peddle

Oh I'm steamed rn

Edit: here have a fucking cookie buddy you went first now can we talk about how gender euphoria is a thing?

 

I’m so glad I unplugged from twitter almost entirely. Trying to catch up to all of that made me feel worse than I’ve felt in a long time.

 

I've missed the controversy around Buck so I have no idea what's going on about it, but these arguments remind me of what I read from older trans people in the Facebook groups I'm part of. Lots of talk about how they've suffered much more so they know better than the younger generation, how the latter has no patience and should accept the casual transphobia from practicians because you need to trust their methods etc. It's very patronizing and even victim blaming at times. I don't know how you can be so passive and don't want things to improve for everyone? It's not a competition...

 

I have a lot of ~thoughts~ and *feelings* about this stuff and I feel like I'm gonna fumble a lot in trying to express them but here goes nothing:

First, I think it's important that I make it clear that I think Buck is flat-out wrong and what he's doing is detrimental to the trans community as a whole. He also very obviously suffers from the stereotypical "Boomer" mindset of "I had it bad so why shouldn't you have to suffer at least a little bit too?" But he lacks the self-awareness to see this for what it is.

There is no disputing that Buck HAS done a lot of good for the community in the past, due to his visibility and activism, and that can't be taken away from him. I am so thankful that there were people like him living their truths and fighting the uphill battles for our rights in a time when it was nigh on impossible to do so even moderately comfortably, and in a time when so little information or education on our existence was available. I cannot fathom trying to come to grips with my own (very real and valid) identity in that time and can't help but wonder if I would have even realized it had I grown up in that time, as I *don't* fit the stereotypical binary trans narrative, despite being (what I would consider) a very binary trans woman. I have a lot of empathy for trans elders, including Buck, in this regard. I already experienced so much pain and ostracization and shame in transitioning when I did, and to think about how much worse it could have been had I been born just a few decades sooner is... humbling for me.

THAT SAID, the whole point of activism is to make things better for future generations. No amount of good will and positive activism grants you the right to turn around and hurt others and/or act as some king gatekeeper, and it's a sad irony that this is kinda the role that Buck has assumed at this stage of his life. Buck seems incapable, likely largely due to his own experiences with transphobia (both external and internalized) and perhaps some trauma that he's not fully worked through, of seeing transness as valid outside of his very limited scope. His experiences with transness are so tied up in shame and pain and struggle and etc that he seemingly believes that these are all necessary components to being trans. He can't seem to see one of the most beautiful results of the activism he was a part of, that things have gotten better and, yes, easier, for many (far from all) trans folks; that our language and our knowledge of what it means to be trans has expanded and is now viewed as a spectrum rather than a linear, one-size-fits-all doctrine that is almost entirely dictated and diagnosed by cis people. I view it as actually kind of tragic, but obviously wholly unacceptable and not something to be tolerated; it must be fought against.

My hope, personally, is always that people like Buck CAN eventually change for the better; that through our own activism we can accomplish this, and that it can be done without resorting entirely to disposability politics. This remains to be seen. Every time I start to think that maybe someone is starting to knock some sense into him, he ends up showing his ass in an even bigger way.

This is why I am not really interested in trying to condemn Natalie for her decision to use Buck's voice in Opulence. She has, at length, elaborated on her views of transness on multiple occasions and they very clearly do not align with Buck's. In fact, chances are that Buck believes some things that would invalidate Natalie herself! Natalie often engages with people and ideas that she stands in opposition to, she has actually tangibly converted a LOT of people to thinking in a more progressive, leftist school of thought in doing so. If anyone stands a chance at getting through to someone like Buck, it's someone such as herself. This is the way she performs her activism, and she honestly does an outstanding job at what she does and has accomplished so much more than many of her (what I would consider to be) bad faith critics could ever hope to do. She is by no means above criticism, and there are certainly things she can do to grow and be better in doing, but I think that the way many people have chosen to go about criticizing her are ineffective and often detrimental.

My point here I guess is that, no, I don't think Natalie would defend Buck in this instance by any means, and had she not been pushed to leave Twitter herself I could even envision her engaging with these tweets of Buck's and taking him to task. I don't think she deserves to be admonished for using Buck's voice for 15 seconds in one of her videos forever, and I intend to continue supporting her and her art and propping them up because I think she accomplishes far more good than bad. If that makes you not want to associate with me anymore, then that's your choice to make, but I'm being as transparent as I can here; I have not read a single argument from her detractors that has made me feel it necessary to discontinue my support for someone who has helped me and so many others in so many ways.

I feel a lot of things in regard to my own transness that, if I were to project that onto other trans folks as some kind of necessary trial or tribulation, would rightfully have me labeled as transmedicalist or truscum. I personally fucking HATE being trans, I don't want to be trans at all, and while transitioning has undoubtedly improved my life in many ways (and I doubt I'd be alive today had I not done it), it was still a process very intrinsically tied up with a lot of shame and pain for me. I even identify more closely with the term "transsexual" than I do with simply "transgender" at this point myself, much like Buck does. The difference between someone like me and someone like him (at least at this stage in his life), is that I don't think that my experience has to be universal; I don't think that this is how people HAVE to feel in order to be valid as a trans person. I straight up don't understand how it feels to not be dysphoric, I don't understand how anyone could *enjoy* being trans, I don't understand the plight of non-binary folks, I can't comprehend why someone would decide to transition absent of any dysphoria, but I DO understand that I don't have to understand. I don't have to understand someone else's experience to respect it and honor it as valid. I just don't. I know all too well the pain of being gatekept, of being invalidated, and told that my experience is too different from the accepted trans narrative for me to be valid. So, why in the fuck would I ever want to inflict that pain on another person? That is where I will NEVER understand someone like Buck, and I'm honestly so glad that I don't