LGBTQIA+ Thread • Page 27

You made sense no worries! (high cough five)

I was not aware that the "super fucking hard" line is one she uses regularly. Puts it in a bit better context. But I can see how that wouldn't matter to a nonbinary person reading her tweets who has no desire to pass for cis/can't pass/has no hope of anyone using the right pronouns. Like I've seen more than one nonbinary person with she/they or he/they in their bios say they'd rather only use they/them but it's just not ...realistic? with people's expectations it's just easier to throw in the binary pronoun too

I think one of the other reasons people jumped on her is bc of her cis following. Not saying she's like A Cool Trans Person like Bl*ir Wh*te just that I think if you're gonna be "teaching" the cis you have to be even more careful of what you say and how you say it when it comes to our community subsets

Ugh i hate that i even typed that last sentence bc it feels really cis-centering but I hope what I'm trying to say makes sense there - when you get the platform, there's the responsibility that comes with it.

One thing we didn't hit upon yet - She rankled lots of old bird feathers with her old school transsexual comments. I'm still a baby when it comes to our history but like...she and I started transitioning at the same time so I was..Idk amused? Not quite the right word. Wry maybe

 

I just watched the Canceling video. I don't really have anything to say about this issue, but...

The thing she does with her tongue is triggering if you've seen Hereditary.

 

cw surgical talk

Welp
My urologist says that if this fistula under m'balls hasn't healed permanently on its own by now (8 mo post-op) it's probably not going to. So I have a repair scheduled for Feb 4. Basically he's gonna take a skin graft from my groin and patch it. While he's in there he's going to make sure I don't have a stricture (blockage). It's 2 weeks with a catheter and 4 weeks off work. Avoiding anything that puts stress on my perineum heh...so like no squatting, which is 50% of my job lol

I'm frustrated bc I would have had this repair done in the 7 months I was off work originally had I known Dr. Chen would not proceed with my implants without taking care of this. Oh well. I just hate feeling helpless...but he DID say that this shouldn't throw off my May timeline for implants so it could be worse.

My word for 2020 is "gratitude" and I'm so lucky to be where I'm at in my medical transition...but dammit this is a challenge. Haven't felt like this since June-ish of 2018 when my hysto got bumped.

 

As someone who's about to start transitioning, idk how I feel about the terms pre-/post-op and passing. Kinda toxic towards people for whom that's not a concern/option. Thoughts?

 

Do what makes you happy

 

I mean yeah obviously, but I feel like we should strive to somehow change what's socially accepted/expected of trans people

 

Ah I didn't mean to sound unappreciative

 

I'm not sure I understood the question. Do you mean it's unfair to those who are transitioning but don't necessarily want to go through surgeries?

 

Yeah, and those who can't afford to. Not everyone can or wants to look cis

 

I think we can all be better about policing people's language - unless of course it's actively harmful/regressive language.

If people choose those words and it is comfortable for them, I feel like who are we to judge - kind of like the word queer. However, I am not trans and would not want to put those words in somebody's mouths/assume that's the case for everybody. This is usually why I try to listen to the language people use for themselves and then parrot that back, so that I don't end up saying something harmful unintentionally.

 

yeah if a trans person chooses to use the terms pre and/or post op to describe themselves then it's totally up to them. cis people obsessing over a trans person's medical history is creepy as fuck though.
the concept of "passing" is a whole other thing. I'm cis so I don't have really anything productive to say on the matter.

 

Yeah, passing is a word I often see cis people use because they think it's a compliment but it's actually degrading and tone deaf in the way they use it.

However I'll add I don't know how the trans community uses the word.

 

On another note, I don't think I've posted an update in here in a while?

New coming out date: 2/2/2020

I'm trying not to resent my parents for convincing me to wait one more month--it was ultimately me who made the decision, after all--but it's been really tough these last couple weeks. My parents don't understand how debilitating my dysphoria is now that I'm aware of it, and then they freak out because I've been "lazy." I can't stop buying clothes, but then I get sad that I can't immediately wear them. I hate going out in public in boy mode, and I hate being at home with my parents around, and I can't talk to most of my friends about it because I've only come out to a few of them so far.

I went to see Patti Harrison perform, but I didn't have it in me to approach her after the show. What could I have said? Hey, I'm Viet and trans just like you but I'm not out yet because my parents told me not to?

 

I have no good answer re: the terms of “passing” and “pre/post-op.” I want to move towards a future where those terms are irrelevant, if not completely eliminated, but at the same time they’re used to describe concepts/states/whatever that I don’t ever see disappearing. There are always gonna be trans folks (such as myself, tbh) who *do* desire surgical interventions, and *do* wish to sorta just “blend in” for lack of a better term. I don’t think it’s always to appeal to societal standards either. I feel like even if I existed in a world where it was 100% accepted to be trans and passing and surgery were totally outdated/unheard of concepts, I would still want a vagina and I would still wish with every fiber of my being I was cis. I feel like my struggle is, and always kinda has been, an internal hell. idk, I sometimes kinda feel like the trans experience is so diverse and unique to each individual that there’s almost no way to really please everyone.

 

I've seen "cis assumed" used and that seems better in terms of putting the "burden" on cis folks

As for pre post op, usually I see non-op folks call themselves...non-op heh

 

Yeah the term bothers me when it's used that way. I'm seeing another example of it today, as NikkieTutorials, a beauty YouTuber, came out, and that's what most of the comments talk about. I don't think cis people have bad intentions, but it often comes across as tone deaf to me.

 

I've never seen that before! Might start using it myself

 

I was at the Motion City Soundtrack concert in Boston last week, and there was an older bear couple in front of me dancing and cuddling the entire show and it made my heart melt.
That was something I thought I always needed in a relationship. Being able to go to a show with a partner, and dance, hold hands, whatever.
I married someone who HATES concerts and most of the music I listen to. Lol.
BUT. We have that in other ways. We both enjoy musical theater, and do shows together when we can. Or see shows when we can.
So. While I may have never found my concert lover, I found something just as good. It was something I wanted, not needed.

Sorry for the random tangent. Just something that was on my mind!

 

So I met a trans couple for the first time IRL and I've never felt so at ease. I was so scared beforehand because I rarely talk about it outside of a few online places. I don't have any friends that went through the steps of transitioning, so I'm often overwhelmed by the loneliness that comes with it. That and it was at a quite crowded coffee shop, which is even more anxiety inducing, but it went surprisingly well. It feels good to have people who get my fears and are willing to help me on my journey. I feel like I took a big step today. I'm not alone and I realize everything's going to be okay after all.

I just wish my dad hadn't suddenly gone to the same place a few moments before we left. He quickly ruined my day by rambling about all kind of shit and making me uncomfortable in front of people I'm getting to know. I then apologized to them and they told me it was fine. I wish it wasn't so difficult to cut ties with a toxic family member when you live in the same city and he... just can't grasp the fact I want nothing to do with him for my safety. If anyone has any advice, I'm all ears.

 

Lunar New Year weekend is done. Had a lot of relatives sleep over for a night or two. Everyone's gone home now except for one of my aunts who's my mom's closest sister, she's hanging out for a couple more days. Once she leaves, I'm gonna need to remind my parents that I plan on coming out this coming weekend, which is what we'd agreed upon.

Everyone got all dressed up for Tet. So many pictures taken. I kind of wish I'd worn a dress instead of a button down and slacks, but at the same time, witnessing how inadvertently insensitive one of my uncles was to another aunt, I guess my mom had a point.

Now that the chaos is over and there's nothing to distract me, I feel like crying all the time. I can't stand being in boy mode much longer.

Seeing my gender therapist tomorrow, then going to her trans group session a couple days after that. Then a couple days after that... I guess I'll be coming out, finally.

I still need to tell my grandpa, preferably in person before going public on Facebook or whatever. I'm not sure how that's gonna go, hopefully I'll be able to get my mom on board to help out. I hate how coming out can be so freeing yet so stressful at the same time.

 

@xkhiemster I'm rooting for you in all of this! Take the time you need and don't pressure yourself too much... which is easier said than done I know.

 

Signal boosting for a friend. Will also direct her here

 

@Jason Tate I think I'm gonna need a username change.

 

Trans Twitter discourse in the last few days has been exhausting

-Trans women/femme folks talking over trans men/masc folks
-Binary trans folks still talking over nonbinary folks ("some of you still have Natalie's bones in your teeth")
-Cis people mocking Elizabeth Warren for talking about involving trans kids in her choice for Sec of Ed
-Those same cis people calling it pandering when states like SD and KY are flat out trying to kill trans kids