LGBTQIA+ Thread • Page 15

I agree. It's like, once you step out of those norms, one one side you feel more and more free to be and express yourself however you want, then on the other side it's hard to not let them affect you anymore. I feel like I'm coming out... but not enough ? I'm not sure who I am and what defines me, because with all that knowledge, I know the person I currently am won't be the same in the future. It's like there's a false pressure to reveal my true self to everyone. I don't know if it makes sense. Maybe I'm just being too hard on myself.

 

Pride day here in Philly, finally got some more queer swag to make an edgy shrine. love you all :)

 

It's pride today and I'm currently sitting at home getting really annoyed about all the companies using pride as an advertising gag.

 

hated and feared to exploited

does that mean we made it?

 

also a very happy pride to whoever else has that going on near them today!

 

I'm at San Francisco pride having the time of my life tbh. Although, I had a bad experience after leaving Qbar last night.

 

happy pride y'all and if that isn't really your scene because it's too crowded or corporate or whatever that's cool too

 

not having a great week. took a personal day from work and slept until 2. went to therapy at 330. bought more green substance that is legal with a card i have. got home by 445. turned on spotify and put on any song i could think of that i love. took off my shirt and then took pictures of my chest. i don't see this scar a lot of the time when I look at myself. sorta like how you can see your nose but your brain looks past that for you.

 

So sad and tired and lonely and 100% certain I'll never have a gf lmao

 

I'm a 23 years old and have basically given up on ever having a boyfriend lol(Ive never had one)

To any gay guys here, how did you meet your boyfriend?

 

Not a gay guy here but bi with many gay friends - Grindr or out at gay clubs. Two easiest ways to meet other guys. OKCupid is a lot more work.

 

It really sucks, like straight people see dating apps as a quick way to hook up or date out of desperation, but that's literally my only option as a gay woman in a medium-sized southern city... Even queer men have more luck than queer women I feel like? Idk maybe that's just me though haha

 

accepted an offer for an soc position and started 2mg e/100mg spiro today. cloud 9, my loves.

also re: finding people to date. follow people on twitter/insta and slide into their dms. okc/tinder/grindr are meh. sometimes you get lucky, but most people i know in relationships met via dms.

 

Growlr.

 

That sounds like a dating app for werewolves

 

Or beer drinkers

 

i like social media and don't like dating sites lol, so i get it.

 

Yeah, I get that too. Grindr never worked for me because I have zero interest in hooking up. Tinder isn't that bad since I've met several people who are now close friends and even a few people I dated. After awhile, the app becomes useless because you've seen pretty much everyone once or twice.

The latest guy I'm talking to I met on IG. We go to the same college, and have a lot of mutual friends.

 

guys being in the closet is really hard sometimes. My therapist has told me it is contributing a lot to my general anxiety and lack of self worth. but also me telling people potentially changes literally everything about my life and relationships and that is terrifying.

I think every man I know will look at me differently in every situation. I think I learned growing up in the south that it was much easier to just not tell anyone.

At the same time, I would really like to be able to meet people and explore that side of things but I'm scared of being outed before I'm ready so I've avoided grindr and the like.

 

I feel this so much. There's another level to it to where you can't come out because you know everyone will treat you differently but if you stay in the closet, it's like you're giving in to the feelings of shame that come with being gay and on top of that, guilt for hiding a part of yourself. And social media makes it especially hard because now you can see others being out and proud and it's like, why can't I be that brave? That's my experience, anyway, and I'm basically out to everyone in my life except my parents and it's still tough. I still feel like I'm in the closet and it still affects my self worth and mental health.

That said, why not try Grindr? Everyone who's on there is gay too, so surely the risk of anyone outing you can't be too terrible, no? Maybe not now since you're already working through anxiety, but could you make it like kind of a baby step to coming out when you start to feel more ready?

 

Yes! That is exactly it. Thank you for explaining it better than I can.
I feel like I've shamed myself almost my entire life.
By staying in I'm hiding it and contributing to the stigma, but by coming out I'd change everything. Not to even mention my dad, who I don't think I'll ever tell. Feels like I'm just destined to hate myself forever either way. Which I know isn't true or whatever, but I really have a tendency to beat myself up about it and it sucks I attack myself on both sides of it.

"Why can't I be that brave" is a question I ask myself far too often.

I think it's honestly because I'm scared. Partially that it's just something entirely new to step into and I have anxiety about a lot of things. But also partially because I don't know how closeted people are received on those kinds of things and if I come across someone I know on it I'm afraid word will spread. I know that's a lame reason but there it is.

That being said, maybe I'll try it soon. It's probably better than beating myself up about not doing anything to better the situation.

I really appreciate your response. It's nice to just be able to talk about it once in a while on here.

 

Not to add anymore fear into the Grindr thing, but be careful with it. A few straight girls from my high school downloaded it to find and out gay students on it. Sadly I was one of the ones discovered. Thankfully it didn't reach that many people in my small school. If not Grindr, try something more like Tinder or OkCupid.

I have also felt like that too for most of my life. I have worried about the amount of years I have wasted being unhappy about every aspect of my life. All of it goes back to not being fully out. With me, I'm out to everyone besides my family. I think they're more in denial than anything. Every year I have traveled to visit my friend in San Francisco, and it has been the most freeing experience of my life. I have never felt more myself when surrounded in an area I feel accepted. Honestly, my advice is to move away and give yourself a clean slate to feel free. My graduation date is set for December, and I'll be in Washington DC in early 2018.

 

sorry you don't think you can be your truest self and it's not your fault

 

I remember the feeling of being in the closet well, and I do not miss it. Hoping for the best for y'all.