Just Another Day In LA1iens Exist [ARCHIVED] • Page 450

I'm mostly joking, I would never force someone to meet in person one day we will be in the same place and it will be serendipitous which is a much cooler story!!

We live in a pineapple under the sea but if Trump was declared president of Bikini Bottom

NYC is the most liberal part of the state, most everywhere else is a conservative cesspool.

 

It's hard cuz now I'm thinking about all the happy and fun memories we have but if he doesn't care I won't either.

 

Dm or text me if you want some advice or suggestions. I've done this alot

 

Exactly why I moved to the only good part of Illinois.

 

Do what you can but don’t extend yourself too far. Dealing with those kinds of things is exhausting

 

He does but I don’t think they realized (until now perhaps) the extent of what’s been going on. But his dad is the literal best (growing up he always called me son and I called him pops) so I do take comfort knowing that he’s there. But I dunno, I want my friend to get better but the thing is since I don’t live there it’s gonna be up to him to be willing to reach out to me about it. I sent him a text so, we’ll see I guess.

 

God never in my life did I think to myself “I bet Dan could help” but it’s true

 

lmao, thanks

 

hey with traffic it could be an hour and I'm too anxious for the LIE

 

You can only do so much. Like @Louisiana Fast said, don't overextend yourself. Family and friends that are in it with the addict often get just as sick as them, but they don't get to use to deal with their pain. Right? The addict gets to use and the family and friends get the consequences of that.

@oldjersey is gonna know the most about this from a professional standpoint, but as someone who was the family member of an addict - my best advice is to make sure you're always protecting yourself even when you have the best intention of your friend in mind. You can only do so much, especially by yourself and especially at a distance. Maybe talk to his family if you're close like that. You won't be able to do this by yourself.

 

I think this relates to most of the country tbh, bigger cities are more progressive/liberal because the population living in the city experience/deal with issues/problems within the city routinely. While smaller populated cities only have one track way of thinking because that’s how “they were brought up”

 

Hey no arguments here fuck the LIE

Ah yes, the age old "my ignorance is my culture" defense.

 

@Dog with a Blog Ill even talk to him if it gets to that point, sometimes what another addict needs to hear is no one else but another addict whos been through to same stuff, more than family or friends its another person whos been in the same boat that can get someone to reconsider how they are living. It can be me or if you know anyone else in recovery who actually knows him. Just let me know.

 

I really wish somebody like you had been there for my dad. I think my family and his friends got so desperate you start to throw everything at the wall but I think it pushed him so much further away from us. I think if there was someone who could have been on his level about it he may have responded differently. Thank you for what you do.

 

Thanks buddy. I do appreciate it. We’ve always had the sort of friendship where we are able to call each other out on our shit so I am hopeful that he will at least listen but also worried that he might play it down. I guess we’ll see how the next couple days play out.

 

AA (which im not really about anymore but it saved my life) was built upon the realization the only thing that can help an alcoholic or addict, is another addict or alcoholic who is clean of course.

Theres a lot of emotion and baggage involved with families and even friends. There is some kind of magic and something different when you talk to someone who has that common denominator of addiction or alcoholism.

 

Yeah definitely, just let me know how he responds! You never know how it will go, you saying something could be exactly what he needs to hear for sure

 

Addiction is irrational - my father lost his house, his kids, his wife, his entire life and he still didn't stop. Which is why it could help to have other people on board. I know I always thought "why can't we (his kids) be enough?" But it's just not like that; it's a disease, it's all consuming and unpredictable.

 

No problem king

 

As somebody who struggled with my share of personal issues I understand that. I used to go to AA meetings with my friends because I could relate to a lot of what was said. It makes total sense to me that there is a depth of emotion with someone who has faced addiction that I could never understand but that could save the life of someone in the throws of it. The difference between being seen or not. It matters a great deal.

It can be very good to have a place to go where you can go and feel validated and not judged. That's more powerful than anything especially at the beginning when it is so precarious.

 

Yeah, it’s rough, to put it lightly. Sorry you had live through that :(

My brother is also an addict, which is a whole other story, and at this point I have just accepted that there is literally nothing I can do and that the brother I once knew can never exist again. It’s honestly so sad. He’s turning 40 this year and is such a fucking smart guy but his addiction is basically destroying him.

 

The main crux of the problem is that addiction is centered in the persons mind. It's taken over the individuals mind and they are powerless over it. So when someone tells friends and family he wants to and is going to stop, he/she fucking means it with all their heart, but if they are the real deal and are trying to do it themselves it is absolutely impossible. That disease centered in the mind is going to convince that person to drink or drug in any sneaky way possible. This is why you cant get sober on your own, because if you had the power you would have done it already.

Im sure we all know people who were able to stop, i have friends who were able to too, and LUCKILY for them they were just drug abusers or heavy drinkers, the real deal CANNOT stop on their own, and thats why so many people dont make it out. They refuse to see they need others help in order to do it. This is info most family doesn't know, its the fellow addict that needs to inform the suffering of this. I could write so much about it there is so much haha.


The key over ANYTHING though, is for the suffering to surrender and accept guidance into their life, without that, you are a ticking time bomb.

 

I'm really sorry, it's so hard. But there has to be a process of letting go at some point. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do. That's worse than anything to accept, but unless loved ones do it it just perpetuates the toxic cycle. I learned with my dad (and it took me...until about now lol) that he was going to do the things he was going to do whether I knew or not - and I could choose to know and be sick with him, or not know and not be sick. Because either way, he's doing it. I just realized that at some point I had to let it go.

 

This was very helpful to read and I appreciate the insight. Do you have any books you'd suggest, written even for the perspective of an addict? I'm always trying to understand more about what that feels like.