Hey Now, You’re An A1lstar • Page 139

Plot Twist: I meet dylan and hate him

 

That's what he wants though tbh

 

Judge: alright, does the defendant wish to address the jury?
@Anthony_ : your honor, my client is...
me: i did it your honor. And I'm proud. I pushed that stupid motherfucker off the god damn royal arch. And let me tell you why. Because if you were in my position, I promise you, you would have done the same. Earlier that morning as we were preparing for our hike, I had asked the late Colby Searcy to pack our lunch for when we reach the end of the trail. In hindsight, this was essentially me proverbially pushing Colby off the mountain before it even happened. After 2 and a half hours of a moderate to difficult level hike according to the popular hiking app, AllTrails, we reached the top of the Royal Arch. Sitting down, taking in the view and appreciating the level of physical and mental stamina it took to reach that point, I asked Colby to get our lunch box and hand me a beer and whatever he packed. And do you know what I was handed your honor? Something so cruel, so vile, so disgustingly evil and inedible that I was blinded with rage. Ladies and gentleman of the jury I present to you the cause of Colby's death. It is not me nor my foot that booted him in the chest and sent him tumbling down the side of the 7 thousand foot summit. It is this!
*unveils a slice of apple pie with cheese on it*
*the entire court room gasps*
me: THIS WAS A CRIME OF PASSION YOUR HONOR AND IF YOU HAVE ANY DECENCY SIR YOU WILL SEE THIS FOR WHAT IT IS AND YOU WILL REWARD ME AS A HERO RATHER THAN IMPRISON ME AS A VILLIAN!

Judge: case dismissed!

 

Crimes of passion still get you jail time tho, just not as much

 

that was too long, did not read it

 

for this kind of case there will be an exception

 

easy there tolstoy

 

i hope I'm that lucky

 

i don't think you know how the law works

 

i took a semester of con-law, i know exactly how the law works

 

need a tl;dr

 

I'll weigh in on this...


That's not how the law works.
-Dr. Mr. Serotonin, R.S., Esquire, Detective, Chandler, Food Critic, Father Figure etc. etc.

 

Not trying to give actual advice here but there are, like, specific circumstances under which you can argue crimes of passion (a lot of states have "presently witnessed adultery" as one of them), and even that varies by state. But mostly you still basically get convicted of manslaughter and go to jail anyway.

 

anthony did you even fucking read what hypothetical colby did. he packed apple pie with cheese as a hiking lunch. that's worse than adultery, that's worse than murder,

 

I appreciate you showing your passion towards me, that means the world to me

 

NICE

 

For the record I don't eat Apple Pie with Cheese AS lunch.

Only WITH lunch, so there would be more than just that

 

don't try and defend yourself here colby, you're already dead

 

Nice reference.

 

Cheese does not go on motherfucking god damn pie

 

what is this apple pie with cheese? just an apple pie slice with cheese on top? what kind of cheese???? apples and cheese are a delicious combo, I'm intrigued

 

What about Quiche?

 

It's a popular combo people

 

We found the victim lying in a pool of his own butter
Don't you mean blood
No his blood was pure butter

 

Yes! Just a regular slice of Apple Pie with American Cheese melted on it.

Cheddar is acceptable as well, I just prefer American cuz it melts better.