i'm just gonna go out on a limb and say that whatever he is saying in those emails to his fans that he can't say in the open under public scrutiny or for hilary to read herself and comment on is probably not uh.........true
I would rather err on the side of the victim than on the side of the abuser/person complicit in the abuse...just saying.
so i'm not even sure what would be allowed to say, and thats fine, cuz i dont really have to say anything, but i tend to comment based off my own experiences as a survivor of assault.... idk, like i said i'm working thru my own thoughts as i type
these stories have been coming out at lightning speed. i understand that people are still learning about how to deal with these allegations against these bands and band members that they listen to and like. but that is not an excuse to discredit, disregard, silence, slander, or question the victim/survivor/abused. use this as an opportunity to listen, empathize, understand, learn and grow.
serious question, shouldn't there be a way to question a story without discrediting them? I can almost 100% say the person who assaulted me thinks it was consensual, and would come as a shock to them finding out my experience. Idk maybe thats me still blaming myself for it, but I still think there is a way they can share their side without slandering me and my experience. Too optimistic? Too naive? This is seriously why its hard for me to unpack these things.
If one person feels that they were assaulted by another person, regardless of how much the other person thought it was consensual, it is still assault. I'm sorry to hear about your assault, and I hope you have found the resources you need to heal from the experience.
hello mr. unproductive, it's me, hilary. it's nice that you can contact evan and be fed whatever story suits your narrative. keep being his fan if you like, no one is telling you to do otherwise. since you've taken a look at our private emails, i can let you know that the "helpful advice" i was referring to was in regards to the rumors that were going around and the way things were playing out for me on that tour. i did not include the rumors in my statement because they were just that and i'd really rather not relive them yet again. did he tell you how after i turned to him for help and advice, he then turned and perpetuated the rumors, using my own words against me and twisting the story? did he share with you the rest of the emails, where i never got an apology for anything we were discussing? did you have hours to sit and talk to each other about all the ways evan treated me poorly over the years and how we ended up in that position of emailing in the first place? i have PLENTY of examples, stories, and people to back me up regarding the type of person that he is, but this was never a war on evan. i simply explained his involvement in the situation that i chose to share with the world, so that others may be aware of the misconduct by chase. i can assure you that i have no record of him contacting me in this past week. i am living in mexico and will not get his calls, but my email address is the same as it was in the emails that you were apparently reading snippets of. he has not reached out. i suggest that you stop wasting your time with this and carry on supporting evan and listening to his music as you wish. you do not know me, there is no POSSIBLE way for you to know the history between evan and me, and you are certainly not going to get the full story from him.
I have. I fortunately found someone who is incredibly strong and supportive. I’ve had some pretty long and exhausting conversations with her since this latest wave of allegations.(mostly cuz it reopened some wounds) I think a lot of my thoughts are tangled in our conversations of her experiences in the scene and mine. I just can’t seem to land flat footed like so many others posting here. But it’s hard when you toss up a few sentences that are distilled from hours long convos.
Can someone point to me a statement that has been lauded by the masses as "approved" in these situations?
I can't imagine anyone 'lauding' or 'approving' a statement defending their actions of assaulting (or being complicit) someone. I think that's the problem. Everyone is trying to break down these statements - 'oh, he said this, good.' or 'wait, he didn't say this, not good.' How about not assaulting people? Or being complicit to assaulting people? And then you don't have to make a shitty statement. I mentioned (maybe in the accountability thread?) weeks ago that the new problem is everyone focusing on, or judging the statements and not on the situation and it's distracting from the real problem of...assault.
That is one of the purposes of these statements. It's an attempt to try and atone for their sins in public while not changing a single thing about their private life. I do not believe a single person putting out a statement in regards to trying to do better until they provide the evidence.
In his apology, he downplays what he did, which was purposefully silencing her. He apologies for not taking the matter seriously, but ignores the fact that he told her to shut up and play nice otherwise she'd be off the tour and out of a job. He "apologized to her" now that he's on blast, even though he had 3+ years to make right of the situation.
None, because they're all bad. evaluating fake ass statements made by guys caught with their hand in the cookie jar is one of the weirdest parts about this "wave" of call-outs.
Alright, I don’t deny that it sounds pretty awful from her perspective and she absolutely did not deserve that. I’m happy that she has spoken out, that she now feels comfortable enough to do so. Chase, as it sounds, should be removed immediately from his position. Evan, as it sounds from the second post I was forwarded and had not read, didn’t address the full extent of the situation. I kind of wonder if that’s the answer as to what the public expectation is. If he stayed silent, that’s bad. Is the better step for him to have every detail publicly released for us? Or for her to reread from his perspective? I’m wondering what we as users here are doing? This judge and jury act that’s become common of where with every story we, as non-victims and without fully understanding the way this feels for victims of abuse and misconduct, sit in threads each throwing insults and degrading people. People we do not know personally, and would not act this way towards in person, regardless of their situation. I don’t think any of us are in a position to decide what somebody’s worth is. I also don’t believe any of us posters have anyone looking into our personal lives/missteps along the way and putting them online for the world’s open discussion. I’d rather see open opinions along the lines of “I don’t think he’s genuine and here’s why.” The victim’s address of this in the thread does that, and for making it seem like I was defending Evan, I apologize. I wish that stuff like this didn’t exist at all, and I hope that we are all learning and hearing the right voices on the matter, not just passing judgement like it’s our job.
There has never been a decent apology or statement that has sounded genuine. When we know what that looks/sounds like then you'll have your answer as to the proper response. Youre complaining about people weighing in their opinions but you're doing just that with this entire comment.
From what I understand the College Board is making next year's SAT essay topic a personal response to sexual misconduct and everyone, every last person, will fail