Discussion in 'General Forum' started by Yasqueen4, Sep 25, 2017.
I've made the decision I'm not going to have any children after all. (I used to really want them.)
1. Turns out kids are really expensive! Due to finances, my husband and I have the choice of either traveling the world or having a baby. We decided the former is more important to us.
2. I'd be scared to pass down my depression and anxiety to my offspring. I don't want them to go through that.
3. I'd be worried about them all them all the time and an overbearing mother!
4. Honestly, with how over populated the world already is and all the problems we have..I don't know if I'd want to bring another human into this world.
I'm like... 80/20 Yes to No atm... only No sides being:
1) my mental health issues being handed down (on a lesser note, since I feel I would be willing to help/be open to getting them help on that)
2) being 100% sure my spouse can [ideally stay together through all and we work it out] raise our children with me as healthy FOR THEM and second to that for us so that in turn there is no residuals on them.
I really want the chance to raise a child and do better where my parents have, and see and guide my child(ren) in ways the best I could to avoid the holes from self doubt to bad relationships to whatever and really just show myself and the world I may have had my hiccups in life but can raise a child that makes me proud and is something to present to the world proudly.
Not to mention I just want my own little people and dogs in life at some period where me and my girl can go to the park and be the corny couple having a nice day making all the single folks salty and I can bask in remembering that feeling lol.
I'm also worried about passing down my mental health stuff and I can barely take care of myself so I can't imagine taking care of a kid. Plus I find it hard to think about the future and that's p much required with a kid in the picture soooo.....
That being said, I'm mostly just on the fence. But if you're on the fence that's kind of a no; you can't take back a kid after all but you can have one later if you and whoever are down
I think I'd want to adopt if I did have kids, both because it's the " right thing to do" and I don't think I could handle a baby who just screams and crys all the time and like I get it but please develop speech so I can understand why
As someone with a kid and another one on the way soon, all of the worries mentioned in here are very valid. It is extremely terrifying and difficult some days wondering what the hell you're doing. But the good moments far outweigh anything else I've ever done in my life and it's difficult to describe the joy watching my daughter grow and learn and experience life. And weekend morning couch snuggles watching a movie are the best thing ever.
I guess all I'm saying is if you think you want kids but are scared, that's ok. Every parent I know is scared but you learn to adapt. Nobody really know what they're doing and just kind of learn on the go.
I second the "barely can take care of myself" comment.
What age would you adopt?
Like 3-5 I guess, I've heard most people prefer babies when adopting but not me
That's the struggle I often have when I wonder if I'm making the right choice. I'm a nanny and I've been with my current family for 5 years. I've watched a 3 month old grow and develop into an amazing 5 year old. The parents have had 2 kids since and I have that emotional attachment to each one of them. I even cried when the 3 year old went off to full time preschool because I miss her so much. I understand the joy you feel ( to an extent because I am not actually their mom.) I can't imagine how emotional I'd be if I was actually their mom! That is the one reason I would want to become a mother. To experience that joy with my own, but on the other hand I think it would be too much..I couldn't handle loving something that much. Does that make any sense whatsoever?
I have come to many realizations on this topic over the last two years
I want children not to carry on a name or legacy or any of that, but just to have something to nurture. Pets fulfill this tick for me entirely. I'm pretty sure I'd rather adopt a doggo than raise a kid.
If I do have kids, the person I have them with has to be thrilled at the idea of having kids. Like, a woman that knows that is what she wants that has maternal tendencies. I will not carry on the time-honored tradition of broken homes built on impulse decisions that the male side of my family is known for.
I would want to adopt. I wouldn't be opposed to my own kids, like if there was an unplanned pregnancy I'd embrace it entirely. But If I can skip the first three years and give a home to a good kid that needs one it would be all the more fulfilling
Right now, I'm 27 and still reealllyyyy loving spending all of my money on me. Maybe that's selfish. Don't care.
I'm 100% for adoption! I do think many kids a little older have some issues due to their situation that the new parents have to help them work through, it's awesome when people want to take that on.
Hell yeah. No care at all.
I very much want to spawn underlings.
I'm 30 and just had my first kid back in June.
I was skeptical about having kids too. I'd say it was a lot of self doubt - I come from a broken home and always kinda had this fear of raising a kid in a broken home too. Also thought my life would completely change and I'd be broke and not be able to do the things I enjoy.
3 months in and I can honestly say it's amazing. I'm able to bring the little guy out to dinner, get babysitters when I go to shows and all. Daycare definitely sucks as far as money goes, but I'd say thats the worst part - and I still have spending money so thats a plus. Having this baby that I know I helped create and he'll forever be part of me is incredible.
End of the day, I found for me personally, the good definitely outweights any of the negative thoughts I had going into it.
I'm 33 and I love spending money on my husband and myself as well lol
That makes complete sense. My wife says all the time that she doesn't understand how she can love something so much, she didn't think it was possible.
If I ever somehow make a decent amount of money I'd have a couple. Sooo, probably not ever gonna happen. My main reasoning for that is I hate thinking about money, throw in kids and it's basically all I'm supposed to think about 24/7 to make sure there's food on the table and clean diapers etc. and that's my nightmare.
Are you married or dating someone? It's always easier to imagine when there's 2 incomes coming in that's for sure
I'm 26 now and I still insist I never want kids. That said, I fully accept the fact that I'm going to change as a person.
I want to spend my money and time seeing the world, not taking care of some little shit-machine.
for me my MAIN concern; I alluded to in my prior post is a combo of both.... I know I'll always battle my mental health as does everyone, and I been alive long enough to know if I got people I'm fighting for I'll fight through all.... but I do need that relationship support and love, that's the one thing I know even in the extremes can make me pivot - and I 100% own that's something on me too. However, until I know I have stability in a relationship to not need to worry about extremes (and even in the "extremes" of a break up itd at least be as civil as possible) I wouldn't wanna create a life and make it deal with that situation, JUST IN CASE since I been in a situation that parents that stayed together for the kids but still went to made them pay that tax.
Do I want to before I die though? Absolutely. Just... with as right a situation as I can muster together, I won't "hold my breath" but I will demand certain base respects.... as I think all should, from self and spouse.
I'm not. The thought of having two incomes never passes my mind tbh lol. In that sense it's difficult to imagine having kids when I can't even imagine being in a position where I'd be able to have kids. But if things were in their right place, and to get to the heart of the question, I'd like to have kids. I don't particularly know the right reason for having them, I just think it could bring me some purpose and joy.
The idea of monogamy scares me from wanting kids atm. Plus, the world is grossly overpopulated already.
No because they cry and poop
Yes because I need someone to take care of me when I get so old that I just cry and poop as well
My reasoning is dark so I'm just gonna say "no."