Brand New Band • Page 858

Making accusations and questioning the intentions of users who haven't done anything wrong, who haven't defended JL at all, and BARELY even discussed BN's music is not a good look.

Are we really at the point where we accuse people of not having empathy for victims of abuse just because they pop this thread and recommend an album by a band unrelated to the abuser? Come on.

 

I never mentioned that band or any of their albums once as his criticism mentioned. All of the sapone albums I mentioned were non bn

 

I was spared the connection with Brand New for the most part so I haven't felt what a lot of people are feeling here. But I have a few thoughts. I'm open to criticism on this so seriously have at me...

First of all, I know if something came out about Aaron Weiss it would be incredibly painful for me. I'd get a hole in my stomach seeing the mewithoutYou thread being bumped, looking at the Brother, Sister artwork, or when I'd inevitably have one of their songs stuck in my head. For how long, I don't know. mewithoutYou and Aaron's writing in particular has had a huge impact on me and to have something awful come out about him would be very painful for me to say the least. I even feel a little knot when I see Brand New's name nowadays because I know how much they've meant to people here, I know how much they've meant to some of my friends, and I know how much they've meant to bands that have inspired me. I know this entire thing was huge, especially on the heels of the most anticipated album of the decade, which somehow managed to surpass crazy expectations. This went down at pretty much the perfect time to cause as much pain as it possibly could in these parts. It would have been bad before Science Fiction came out, but on the heels of that album it really maximized the impact. I hated it and I still do.

That said, I don't see how it's healthy to be so consumed with this situation that seeing anything related to the band is triggering almost a year later. I don't bring up the band in other threads because I don't want to be insensitive, and really the only time I've thought to was to make a comparison in the Foxing thread, but the fact that their name can't even be said around here shows how much power this situation is still being given. I understand why and I think it's something each individual should talk about with close friends outside of here because forums like this (great as they are) aren't the best place for therapy. I know the band has had a permanent effect on many here, and I know that people are trying to purge those effects from their lives as much as possible, but at some point it needs to be faced. Again, I don't think this thread is the place, and I personally wouldn't mind it being closed just because it does seem like an unnecessary source of pain, but doing so as a means of enabling everyone to be miserable whenever Brand New is brought up doesn't seem to be doing anyone favors. Being able to talk and vent the pain of the situation beyond cursing Jesse Lacey out seems like it would go a lot farther in mending wounds. That certainly doesn't mean listening to the band again. But as far as I'm concerned, you might as well keep listening to the band if these wounds are so raw that you can't look at their name. That's giving them a lot more power than they deserve.

Sorry if this is adding to the burden. Seriously, not my intention. These are thoughts I've had for a while on this situation and this is the first time I feel like I can voice them appropriately. I'm not even a big Brand New fan so I'm not sure what I'm even doing here, I just love this site and I hate how much of a shadow this whole thing has continued to cast. I just don't think the solution is to bury it. That's impossible anyway.

 

Love you @teebs41 and that new Boston Manor record is fantastic!

 

I'm really surprised Foxing haven't worked with Sapone yet actually.

 

This

 

Just a reminder to everyone since thread blocking isn’t a thing (yet)

 

Where should we take this conversation if not in this thread? Astro 1ounge?

 

Savage

 

I much prefer Pinkerton.

 

Credit goes to @bachna84 for trying to find some solutions tonight.

 

wat

 

Also i apologize for my posts today, I was drinking

 

You must drink a lot during the day eh? That would explain a lot

 

I’d say they made a better choice on nearer my god

 

Eh...I realize the angle it wasn’t Jesse it was the music etc is fine but I grew up worshipping Jesse. Just ridiculously idolizing him. I thought he was the best lyricist and songwriter I’d ever heard, right up until the day the accusations broke. My love for Brand New had everything to do with my love for him. It’s easy in hindsight now to say don’t idolize musicians. But being 14,15,16 years old and feeling things from this mans music I had never felt before made me idolize him and place him above the music. Now you’re right about listening privately but for some of us it is a wound that will probably never heal. I want to listen to brand new again. I miss the fuck out of their music. But I just cannot for the life of me bring myself to get through a song. I can’t do it

 

I've read the last page before going to bed, and came back with a lot of thoughts. I will try not coming across as condescending and patronizing. First, I wanted to tell you that I went through a similar issue a few years back. I have to add a trigger warning for the paragraphs that will follow.

The connection that you have for Brand New, I felt it with Lostprophets. They were pretty much my favorite band, and until I totally got into pop music, they were the only one I was truly obsessed with. I would watch every single live video uploaded on Youtube, read every interview, dissect their lyrics, play their entire discography over and over again from age 10 to age 17, in 2012. We the fans had a small community with a few places (Megalolz, the original board and another French one) to discuss with each others. Their music helped me escape my shitty reality, as I was bullied in middle school and as my mental health issues increased in intensity afterwards.

When Ian Watkins got arrested in December 2012, I was in total shock. I still remember getting out of school, using the computer at home and seeing the news. The pain that I felt in my gut is something that I don't remember having at any other point in my life. It was like my entire world was crashing down, and starting from this day, my worldview progressively changed as I started questioning everything. Something clicked, which I guess was the realization that I actually live in a world full of horrible people, that even those that you would never suspect can turn out to be monsters, that I had been manipulated as a fan, etc.

I stopped listening to their music, not consciously. At the time, I had a "separate the artist from the art" mindset, and was the first to admit that I would probably go on with my habits. But it didn't happen. What I did however, was feeling so much guilt over it. I would reread the same interviews, rewatch all the videos I could find, just to see if I had missed anything suspicious about the person I considered an idol at one point. The last time I did it, it was late last year, so more than 5 years after, which means that I'm still not done with this.

Nowadays, I still get the urges to put on their music, but I can't do it. I have to admit that I have two of their songs on my cellphone, one being an instrumental. I hate myself for that, but for some weird reason, it brings me comfort, even if I always skip them when I put my library on shuffle. It doesn't make any sense, and I don't know if this is something that I'm doing as a part of this long healing process. It's a complicated matter, so I get if some of you feel bad for having the same thoughts with Brand New.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post. Maybe it's my long-lasting inner bitterness talking, because I remember being constantly mocked everytime I brought up this band on ap.net, be it before or understandably after the singer's arrest. I never had the chance to vent as I was instantly shut down by some users.

Just to be clear, I'm not saying that the same should happen to all of you. I do understand that you can't stay silent, and that you need to heal. These feelings have to be out there for a reason, and if this thread is in some way the best place to do it, I won't shame you. I'm sorry, and I wish you all the best.

However, I'm wondering if for some of you, discussing this band as a former fan at this moment is too soon. Because when I see the "____", the trigger warnings, the uncomfortableness, the heated arguings... it shows how painful it is for you guys, and I don't even know what to say, besides that I hope that you will be able to work through this.

I'm sorry for the random rambling. If this post crosses any lines, makes you uncomfortable, or is too unrelated to the main subject, let me know and I will delete my post.

 

If you bring up BN in other threads people will get upset as well it seems, if you’re trying to discuss something around them then I’d imagine this would be the best place for it.

 

I still can't get over you making the massive logical leap from "Some people are discussing production and recommending similar artists to a band" to "These people are incapable of showing empathy for victims of sexual abuse". Seriously, fuck this so much. None of us have defended the abuser and have barely discussed the band in question, and you're saying we're "putting on pretenses", but what I see here is most people... not discussing the thing that some people don't want them to discuss?? And when we don't discuss it, you're saying we're all putting on an act because we really all subliminally want to just go back to acting like nothing happened.

I can understand why seeing the thread bumped upsets some people, and I'm not saying you or anyone else shouldn't feel that way. But those feelings don't have to mean we're bad people just for wanting to discuss bands similar to this one, or a producer who has done a lot of other great work outside of BN for years. All you have to do is not click if you know it's going to be upsetting.

 

^This

 

A very heartfelt post. Did you ever by chance check out No Devotion? Geoff Rickley from Thursday and the remainder of the members of Lost Prophets. It’s really good and I got to see them twice.

 

My friend Jasmine had an LP tattoo. She went through the exact same process as you.

If I'm honest, I am still so confused and hurt over this whole scenario. I know it was stupid to look up to someone like I looked up to Jesse Lacey, but I was a pretty hurt and sensitive kid who had issues with depression, self harm, bulimia, etc. Having someone to look up to and something to cling to really helped. I'm never going to be ashamed of that or that it was Brand New that helped me through it. When I first saw them live in London, it was one of the happiest days of my life and I can't change that.

That said, I thought I would miss them more. I have sometimes listened to the odd song. Noro, Degausser, and a few others have been played once or twice since this has all come out, but that's about it. I can't listen yet. I try, but it's not enjoyable, I just think about what he did and I get sad, and hurt, and angry.

I haven't actually told anyone but my current girlfriend this but when I was 17 I was sexually assaulted when I was passed out at a party by another man who was about 20. He then lied and made me out to be a bad person because I rejected him and I lost every single friend I had bar one or two.

I know how much I hate that man, so I can only imagine how Jesse's two (?) victims feel. I can't really describe how I feel when I see him about, but time has helped me feel okay talking about it and saying his name.

Jesse did a fucking horrible thing and no one in this community will ever deny that or ever should. But I can't deny the impact his art has had on my life and if someone who has never been a victim of abuse tells me how to process this or any other band, I dunno...



People grieve in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to process something like that. The fact we argue and things get heated prove that no one is fully through this process and maybe we never will be. We should be working as a community to help each other, not tear each other down.

Edit: Sorry for probably over sharing but I hate that these arguments keep happening.

 

I’m so sorry Sam. I know that I am personally happy you have chosen to push through all that and just know that you are an incredible person. It has been a pleasure just getting to chat with you about so many amazing bands and fantastic music.

 

Thanks :) It's been nice over the past five or six months to finally get to know a few of you a little better after spending years keeping my distance.