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Accountability in Music • Page 322

Discussion in 'Music Forum' started by OhTheWater, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. Anna Acosta

    Listen to Staircase Spirits. Moderator

    I've struggled with this. A lot.

    I'm gonna be real - I don't know how to respond to a lot of this. Because as much as I agree there has been a lot of toxic direct-to-anger speech in these threads from people who have a lot of privilege which I wish would change, I also don't see how to differentiate that from firm correctional speech from people like myself/tone policing based on what has been said here. I will die on the hill that if you give privileged people an out with the way you address a topic, they'll take it. If not doing that makes my approach toxic, then I don't belong here. And fine, maybe thats true.

    I'm sure there are survivors made uncomfortable by the discourse. I'm sorry for that, and they should be heard. But. There are also survivors made uncomfortable by what's happened in here for the past few pages, myself included. If the people I'm asked to consider when discussing these issues are first and foremost folks who need their hands held while they figure out how to deal with liking bands with abusers in them, I just have no interest. I have those same struggles. I'm not gonna name the bands because I don't need anyone to tell me it's oh-fucking-kay that those bands still matter to me. My struggle isn't as important as the people it might hurt. I agree that there should be a place for people to explore that grief - I'd even participate - but I'm not interested if the purpose is to tell people they shouldn't experience guilt regarding that. It isn't realistic. (And I don't care what people intended for us to be discussing here. This is the discourse I've seen that's actually HAPPENED. I also work 100x harder than I want to in order to give the benefit of the doubt and to be rational/non-emotional/explain things yet my posts still easily fall under the "toxic" parameters I've seen discussed here.)

    So, I guess my thesis here is I don't know. You can't please everyone. People learn when they're ready to. My tone won't change that. I am a very rational person who prioritizes what works over what feels good, every time. I'm not perfect, and I slip up. I also acknowledge nobody called me out here (edit 2: I'm saying this bc I got name-dropped more than once, however), but when we're dealing with emotional trauma we're no longer dealing with rationality. We're in the realm of feelings. And honestly this has just made me feel like nothing I do here actually matters. So if what I do is toxic and unwanted, it and I will go. I'll never stop doing this work. It's part of me. But I have my own mental health to consider and forgoing nuance in the other extreme doesn't help either - and with all due respect, that's a lot of what's happened here.

    There's a fine line between asking for multi-faceted conversations and tone-policing and most of y'all didn't find it, and nobody pays me to be here.


    Someone who was privy to both conversations.

    Edit; I'll check in next week. Idk what'll happen after that but I'm not gonna cut my nose off to spite my face. I'm too old for this.
  2. DrAlanGrant

    Texas Forever

    If this is out of line I’ll delete it but I hope your tone never changes. You have been an inspiration countless times.
    RazorCrusade, Mary V and Brother Beck like this.
  3. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    @Anna Acosta we love you & will never be worthy of the work you do honestly. However frequently you feel able to contribute is cherished and taken seriously. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. You are appreciated beyond measure by some of us here, I hope you know that.
  4. ImAMetaphor

    the end is here Prestigious

    I want to thank the people, particularly women like Anna, who have shared their perspective so far. I let myself take up too much space in the conversation over the past few days, and after this post, I’m going to sit back, observe, and listen for a while before I post in this thread again. I want to do and be better, and that process is messy. Sometimes, I think I’m fighting for a good thing when, in reality, I’m letting my privilege, bias, personal anxiety, and lack of experience cloud my judgement. So, thank you to everyone who does the work. I know it’s exhausting, but it’s doing so much good, even if that isn’t always visible.
    tyramail likes this.
  5. ItsAndrew


  6. tyramail

    Trusted Supporter

    Pierce The Veil are teasing new music. They’ve blocked me on
    Instagram for asking if they were going to just pretend those allegations against Mike didn’t exist. So fuck them and fuck the “allegations ruin careers” bullshit.
    solxace, ItsAndrew, Mary V and 3 others like this.
  7. iCarly Rae Jepsen

    I want your stupid love Supporter

  8. HelloThisIsDog

    Hail yourself Supporter

  9. Anthony_

    A (Cancelled) Dork Prestigious

    Ken likes this.
  10. tdlyon

    Pawnee Forever Supporter

  11. HelloThisIsDog

    Hail yourself Supporter

    Ah, didn't know there was another one.
    Anthony_ likes this.
  12. Anthony_

    A (Cancelled) Dork Prestigious

  13. ItsAndrew


    Someone in a Facebook group I am in said that Hobo Johnson can’t play his hometown anymore due to multiple sexual assault allegations. Have any of you heard anything about this?
    thenewmatthewperry likes this.
  14. tshreve


    I heard about that well over a year ago, it seemed to get forgotten about extremely fast
  15. ItsAndrew Sep 5, 2019
    (Last edited: Sep 5, 2019)


    Hearing that reminded me that I also read something about this (part of it, since apparently there are multiple allegations) a year ago (these screenshots are from a year ago, in a different Facebook group I am in).



  16. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    Omg just earlier today someone was telling me they're taking their daughter to their show and I was like I have no idea who that is??? But apparently that's for the best???
  17. HelloThisIsDog

    Hail yourself Supporter

    Talking about James leaving the get up kids. It's on Reddit and nothing direct from any survivors yet, but the accounts do have merit.

    Screenshot_20190908-055316.png . Screenshot_20190908-055327.png Screenshot_20190908-055405.png Screenshot_20190908-055424.png
  18. HelloThisIsDog

    Hail yourself Supporter

  19. US Camera

    A Humble Snail Prestigious

    From name searching on twitter there are rumors of a case being brought against him
  20. ItsAndrew


    Zilla, Anna Acosta, Mary V and 3 others like this.
  21. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    I'm sure some ppl blamed Taylor because ppl suck, but for the most part I don't recall that ppl did?? He was clearly a creep there and in many other instances. Dear John outlined the power imbalance and manipulation extremely well. The tweet says adult men dated Taylor when she was a teen. Are there other examples aside from John? Legit question cause idk. I recall her dating Jake g who I imagine is older than her but Im too lazy to Google their ages at the time oop
  22. iCarly Rae Jepsen

    I want your stupid love Supporter

    Jake G was like 30 and she was 22 roughly, so not exactly the same, and you're right I think that's it

    but yeah John Mayer has said gross misogynistic and racist things
    Ken and Anthony_ like this.
  23. Kiana

    Goddamn, man child Prestigious

    But honestly yes I'm so tired of adult men dating barely adult teens and since it's technically legal we're supposed to be okay with it. I struggle with that. Like with Hayley and Chad. People start arguing that u shouldn't take away the woman's agency but those large age gaps where the woman is like 18 or 19 are inherently toxic imo
  24. Anthony_

    A (Cancelled) Dork Prestigious

    Yeah I mean anyone defending John Mayer in any capacity has things to answer for above and beyond just how horrible he treated Taylor anyway.
    Anna Acosta, Ken, Kiana and 1 other person like this.
  25. iCarly Rae Jepsen

    I want your stupid love Supporter

    yeah Jay and Bey and Hayley and Chad aren't romantic to me at all,my problem with the autonomy argument is that men are also making a choice in the scenario and that choice is to be creepy
    Anna Acosta likes this.