Accountability in Music • Page 24

I fear we do a lot of harm putting blanket definitions to cases that need to be and should evaluated on their own merits

 

Adultery is also not illegal in most places, unlike sexual harassment and violence, and although it can in many instances be an awful thing to do, the point of accountability, as I've understood it so far, is to try and achieve some form of justice for sexual criminal wrongs by court of public opinion, since our actual legal courts consistently fail to do. I can't think of cheating, by itself, in this way as a sex crime - and if we did, there'd be far too many celebrities we would need to hold accountable for it, I would imagine.

 

look. As I said before I don't even necessarily agree with Cultdays explicitly, and I don't disagree with what many of you are saying. I only wanted to point out the irony in so many people jumping to seemingly defend/argue about cheating when they hadn't even bothered to read the points I brought up. It was like, I know you brought up this thing and I'm not gonna bother reading about it but here's MY opinion on it. It just struck me as really odd.
also, NOWHERE did I try and compare cheating to sexual assault or anything like that so not sure where that argument is even coming from.
It just seems like ya'll have created arguments out of thin air to defend. Most of what you're arguing was never even spoken of to begin with. I simply said that Cultdays made some good points about cheating being a form of sexual violence (in the context of this specific allegation etc)
on top of that I certainly didn't come for one specific person, especially considering I'm friendly with, like, all of you on other threads.

 

So then what was up with the "must hit close to home comment?" Not even gonna apologize for that?

 

Because honestly that's what it seemed like to me. It was an observation based on everyones eagerness to defend/argue about cheating (without reading the original points) its just like wow yall really eager to defend cheating huh? wonder why that is??? If it doesn't apply to you then by all means it doesn't apply to you.

 

That's a fucked up thing to say.

 

This is bullshit. I'm out of this thread

 

I don’t really think anyone was defending cheating

 

No one was defending cheating. I was stating that I don’t personally think that the term “sexual violence” was particularly appropriate as a blanket term. Take that as you will. I’ve made it as clear as I can that I wasn’t arguing the points being spoken of at the beginning or claiming cheating couldn’t ever be emotional or physical abuse.

 

being antagonistic in a thread and then acting like you don't understand why everyone's mad at you is a good bit

 

Don't know where I acted like I don't understand why everyone's mad. Clearly we're all on different pages and I thought everything was said that needed to be said.

 

?

like i said, good bit

 

None of those replies have anything to do with people being mad at me?? you are seriously reaching and taking shit out of context. I guess to be totally clear, I'm not under ANY misunderstanding of why people were pissed. It just doesn't matter to me. I feel I explained myself as best as I could and if it wasn't enough then that's the way it goes.

 

acting like the posts you made during the context of an argument are somehow being used out of context is also a good bit

 

Okay dude. I was definitely being antagonistic last night but let's not act like you're not taking that role today. If you have a problem with me personally either take it to a mod or DM, like someone else said earlier. Other than that the discussion is clearly over and everyone said their piece.

 

for what it's worth because I've already slid into some DMs, I apologize publicly for being an asshat. things got out of hand and too personal, all around. I hope we all can remain friends, or civil, or whathaveyou.

 

Some people in this thread need to re-orient themselves with the definition of violence

Cheating is not violent in any aspect of the word

Stop hijacking language to overemphasize your original point

 

It most definitely can be.

I agree that a) it is not that simple and b) those conversations don't necessarily belong in a thread designed to hold folks accountable for sexual assault and similar behavior (like this one) but:

I'm as uncomfortable with the black-and-white assertion that cheating is not sexually violent as many of you are with the blanket assertion that it is.

It can be. It is not by default. Repetition makes it abuse. Situational elements make it sexual violence.

Carry on.

 

Probably the most egregious example I can think of, which I did point out early on in this convo, is that cheating with someone unprotected and not telling your partner is 100% sexual violence

 

Yes, this is an excellent example of when it is.

My entire point in my response was simply that it's as unhelpful to blanket say it ISN'T sexual violence as it is to lump it in with sexual violence in general.

 

Again, there are plenty of words for these actions - by dictionary and even WHO definitions, violence is not one of them.

The only occasion that could even remotely qualify is if a communicable disease is passed on unknowingly via an unfaithful relationship, and even then, the likely lack of intent disqualifies it as violence.

My ex-girlfriend left me 6 years ago for another man, which sent my previously insecure self into a drug-induced tailspin which I didn't recover from for several years. By these parameters, she was emotionally and sexually abusive and violent towards me, and I am the abused victim of infidelity, which even as I'm typing it I know is a gigantic crock of horse shit. She made decisions, as did I.

People cheat. Relationships fizzle. Emotions are manipulated in both directions. Why does someone always need to define themselves as the victim? When did every instance of less than ethical behaviour become "violence" or "abuse"?

 

I guess I see it more as pointing out wrong behavior/holding people accountable for their wrong/abusive behavior, rather than painting someone as a victim.

 

I'm not sure how one uses the term "abusive" without implying a victim in the scenario

 

Define yourself however you want, but denying others that same right is some bullshit.

 

You not seeing it as abusive - or even, your situation not being abusive, since you're completely allowed your perspective - is fine. You're allowed to feel about your experience however you want to. What you're not allowed to do is apply that lens to anyone else's experience. Nobody has that right, and "This happened to me and I don't think it was abuse so nobody should call it that" is absolutely, to quote you, a gigantic crock of horse shit.

Not one person is saying that every instance of less than ethical behavior is violence or abuse. You're arguing a premise that hasn't been established.