A1-8s and Bad Steaks [Archived] • Page 901

"You know, I was going to come up here today, read this fancy speech I had written, then I was going to stop in the middle, crumple it up, throw it away, and start speaking from the heart. But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to read from my prepared remarks instead."

 

just write a list of heckles and read those. and wear a fake moustache

 

mrning

up since 2

hate everything

 

Man, I had a brief altercation with a gnat on Saturday. It went straight for my eye. My friend dug it out with his finger. I don't know if it was the finger or the gnat but my eye doesn't look/feel great today.

 

Maybe his finger was dirty

 

Not me.

Do not wing it, Joe.

 

Groooooooooosssssssssssss

tbh though it's probably a combo of both. Hope it doesn't turn into pink eye

 

Also, I don't know how I had never heard of American Vandal, but some friends and I binge watched the entire season yesterday. It was hilarious. Dylan is the man

 

Yeahhh probably a combo, haha. It hurts.

 

Flush it out and see if that helps. I don't think you could get any eye drops that would help OTC but it's worth a shot to see what's out there.

 

stop encouraging @dylan to draw dicks on cars

ps you have pink eye @Mr. Serotonin

 

"Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well, you know something. I think you guys are two metals. Gold medals."

aw, thanks!

 

Fuck.

 

I'm just going to say all the suggestions in this thread in my speech and call it a day

 

Here's something I think you'll find really useful:

"Wedding. One word. Seven letters. Seven letters that spell out why we're here today.
W - Wedding. Today we are here celebrating a wedding.
E - Everyone. Everyone here was invited to this wedding.
D - Disco-ball. I think we should have a disco ball over the dance floor.
D - Devotion. We are in awe of your devotion to one another.
I - Intelligent. Cause I'm like, really, really intelligent.
N - No. No you cannot get divorced tomorrow.
G - Garbage. The food tonight was garbage."

 

*Amazing wedding. Amazing people. Just wonderful. Amazing matrimony. Big cake. Wow.

 

can't tell if doge or trump impersonation

 

This is good, I will use this.

 

thank you!!!

 

mmmmmm apple cinnamon greek yogurt is my new favorite

I made it

It's great

 

Anyone watch Last Man On Earth? Lol

This is totally Tandys character

 

how'd you make it?

 

Planted an apple tree.
Milked a cow.
Cultured some bacteria

 

open with this
"In the marital customs system, wedding-speech based offenses are considered especially heinous. So in <relevant city>, the friend that was supposed to write that speech instead delegated that task to an elite squad known as the A1 thread. These are their comments."

 

wow 3rd try.